25 Things You Didn't Know About Men's Nipples
25 Things You Didn't Know about Men's Nipples!
This is one of those subjects that is like the elephant in the room: Everyone realizes it's there, but they're all too afraid to talk about it. Here are 25 things that you didn't know about men's nipples!
#1 Ladies, we actually like it when you touch them.
That's right! You're not the only ones with sensitive nipples. We just hide behind our masculinity and pretend like we're insensitive to give off a debonair-like confident approach. We also like it when you touch our butts—I'm just saying—so fondle away, chicas!
#2 It really hurts to get them waxed.
Sure, a lot of guys out there are huge crybabies when it comes to this. They fear getting their chests waxed and scream like little girls (just like Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin). The nipples are very sensitive, and this part of the procedure hurts the most, but our pride will not allow us to cry out in agony or shed a tear. That means that all you cosmetologists out there need to be gentle!
#3 Insecure guys will try to incite nipple-pinching contests to win a girl.
I have a friend that does this every time an attractive girl comes within talking distance. They start aggressively pinching the nipples of their male friends, hoping to impress her with their macho manliness. Believe me, if you are one of these guys, you really should refrain from this. Not only are the females not impressed by this childish ape-like behavior, but it friggin' hurts, so if you don't want to end up with your balls on the wrong side of your friend's knee, please stop.
#4 Guys care what their boobs look like, too.
What!? Did you think you were the only ones looking in the mirror for minutes on end at your boobies? Sure, we'd love to trade places with you (because we like to see boobs) but guys worry about what their chests look like, too! If a guy hasn't worked out in a while and has been eating too many cheeseburgers, man-boobies can be a major problem.
#5 Their size is something we talk about when we're bored or drunk.
This is mostly a drinking conversation, but I was pretty shocked to find out that my brother's college roommate's nipples were smaller than dimes. Anything bigger than a quarter on a dude may warrant a T-shirt at the swimming pool...
#6 They bother many who jog or run.
This is pretty much the worst type of chaffing known to man. It's even worse than the inner thigh type. This is why you see so many shirtless marathon runners because let's face it, bleeding nipples are no fun... ugghhhhhh!
#7 In some rare cases, men can lactate, too!
Apparently men can produce milk, too! Who would have thought? I'm crossing my fingers, hoping that it'll never happen to me.
#8 Nipple tassels are not cool on dudes.
There is absolutely no acceptable reason for a man to wear tassels, period. Not even in professional wrestling!
#9 Whip cream bikinis are fine behind closed doors.
If you want to get kinky behind closed doors, a little bit of whip cream on the nipples is okay, but if a guy pulls the Varsity Blues move and walks into the living room wearing a whip cream bikini on your first date, then run. This will not end well, I promise you that.
#10 Some women really dig them!
I found this one mildly shocking. I didn't know that some chicks liked guys' nipples as much as men like theirs! I found this online chat as proof.
#11 Men have nipples because when we're conceived, we don't have a gender!
That's right. In utero, the nipples form before the penis. Treat them with respect.
#12 A third nipple? What!?
I read an article on the Internet that said that 12.5% of people have a third one. I have no idea if this is true or not, but if two heads are better than one, then clearly three are better than two. That means 87.5% of you could have been one nipple cooler than what you are today.
#13 Having a third nipple could get me killed? What!?
Apparently, if you lived in the Middle Ages and had a third nipple, you were considered a witch. Supposedly, the third one was what a devil or an imp would use to suck blood out of the witch. If someone had one, they were burned at the stake, so that means 12.5% of you would have had to keep your shirt on if you were born a few hundred years ago.
#14 Some people have inverted nipples!
Don't worry, it's not dangerous and apparently some people even find it attractive!
#15 Hairy-ola Areola?
The nipple itself does not grow hair on it, but the areola sure does! I definitely have hairy areolas that need regular plucking. TMI?
#16 Just because they are erect doesn't mean we're ready to rock.
Nipples can become hard due to sexual stimulation, but they can also harden due to cold temperatures. This means that we don't have to be horny to have erect nipples!
#17 Do not taunt me!
There is a small number of professional mixed martial arts fighters that grab at nipples before a match to taunt their opponents. I have no idea why they do this, but I'm guessing it makes some people angry. Weird...
#18 Not at the gym, please!
Apparently in some gyms in Chicago, it's considered extremely rude to have your nipples show while you're working out. That means you can wear a sleeveless shirt, but not one that's so sleeveless your man-mammaries are exposed.
#19 The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
One article on the Internet said that the distance between men's nipples is eleven inches. I really don't think this is accurate because everyone is different. A giant dude is going to have ones that are wider apart than a little tiny dude. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.
#20 You're scared of what!?
The scientific name for the fear of nipples is mammillaphobia. I'm guessing this would be a horrible fear to live with since everyone has them.
#21 Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars....
Males of the rat and mice species have hormones that suppress nipple growth. No lactation for these mammals!
#22 Those very awkward moments in life.
During puberty, males sometimes have enough estrogen flowing through them that their nipples become puffy. This chemical imbalance eventually evens out, but during this time, they can become sensitive.
#23 Do some more research before you go assuming things!
The person who started a page on Facebook that claims that men's nipples are entirely useless. Clearly, they did not read this article or do any research. Sheesh!
#24 Take care of your nipples, dudes!
Nipples can be subject to all kinds of bad things. If you have a persistent itch, pain, or just aren't comfortable with your nipples, consult your doctor immediately! Don't be afraid or ashamed! Your nipples need you!
#25 Never underestimate the power of a man's nipples!
Ladies, understand that you may be captivated and entertained by them, but they are powerful and all-knowing beings that must be respected. Men, please understand that with the great power of your nipples comes great nipple responsibilities. Use them wisely!
What about you?
Did you learn anything new about nipples?
© 2011 MattyJ9999