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The Runaway (3 AM Epiphany: Point of View - Unreliable Third)

Updated on June 7, 2012
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The Runaway


As she ran after the boy, I knew something must be wrong. The way the car screeched to a halt was not a stop a mother makes if her son is behaving. The child sprung open his door and took off without his shoes on. As he ran, he did not look back to see if his mother was following. The mother was clearly exasperated and wondering how her son could take off. As I thought about it, I realized I had heard screaming before the car stopped. They had been arguing and he opened the while she was driving, so she had to stop so he did not fall out of the car!

I watched as she slammed the door and chased after him. “Billy, slow down. I want to talk to you. Let me tell you what I want to do.” The son yelled back, “NO! I am running after this and you can’t stop me.” Oh the anger in his voice. Was I witnessing an argument? Was I watching this child as he ran away? If so, why was he smiling from ear to ear?

I looked back at the mother, who was trying to put her shoes on. Oh no! They were in light clothing as though they had just come from the park. The son must have been upset they had to leave early due to the downpour. Billy must have wanted to go back and play since the rain had stopped. Surely now that the rain had stopped, the mother could understand.

The boy ran through the park, until he was almost ready to cross the street. She had to catch him or someone would have to intervene. A crowd had gathered and was staring in their direction. The boy had a smile on his face and was clearly excited by this bold move to assert his independence. The mother, however, did not look so excited. It was clear she was anguished by her son running off and the crowd that was staring at them.

“Billy, please stop and listen to your mother. Talk to her instead of running away.” I said as I caught up to him. “Please stop embarrassing her.” He looked at me with a confused look as he stopped for a moment. Looking back at his mother, he started running again toward the street just ahead of him. A few steps in, he turned toward me and said, “Do you think I am running away from her?” I nodded. He giggled, turned his body to face his mother, and put his hand out as his mother stopped. Oh how exciting! I had changed his mind and helped her in the process. His mother was so relieved that I had helped, that she was able to stop and take a breath.

As she stopped to breathe, Billy’s mother turned to the side. I noticed a large black object hanging from her neck. She was pulling it up to her face as she stared in my direction. What was happening? “Ready Mom!” Billy shouted. His mother smiled and clicked the camera. “I was going to tell you to stop before you got to the street because there are two rainbows not one! I wanted to be sure you were aligned with the brighter one.” Billy’s mother said to him as she came over to show him the pictures she had just captured. “You ran too quickly so I could not catch up to you. How beautiful are those rainbows and how awesome are these pictures?” She showed him the camera and scrolled through the photos she had just taken of Billy “catching” the rainbow in his hand.

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Interested in buying the book? See below for links to this and Kiteley's other writing inspiration books. If you buy it, share your results with us here on Hubpages and let us grow with one another as we improve our writing through this challenging yet fun exercises!

The Background

LABrashear directed me to 3 AM Epiphany: Uncommon Writing Exercises that Transform Your Fiction by Brian Kiteley. Instead of reviewing the book for you, I will lead you to LABrashear's excellent review here.

Upon encouragement from LABreasher, I have decided to share my responses to Kiteley's exercises with the Hubpages Community. I know that you are honest and will provide valuable feedback so I implore you to read and provide constructive feedback to help me improve. I will remember to thank you in my first book's Acknowledgements page!

If you would like to join along, provide feedback with the link to your hub or site so I can enjoy your work as well! Let's grow together as we become better writers. If you are not a writer, please share how you feel about the work as a reader! Thank you for your feedback and support as I go through this challenge.

The Challenge

This challenge, Point of View Exercise 3: Unreliable Third, is to write a 600 word story from the perspective of a witness who may not know all the details. You know the people who tell you all about how your friend's husband is cheating on her because he saw her buying flowers for another women...except she didn't realize that her friend's real first name is Maria not Mary! The ones who talk about how the store down the street had a terrible fire last night and tells you all about the fire trucks arriving, only for you to find out the store's alarm went off when an object fell within the store. Oh yes, we all LOVE the unreliable witness.

This story was based upon a true account, sort of. A friend and her son spontaneously jumped in their car after a storm so they could capture a picture of the rainbow. A witness actually thought the son was running away. Since I was really struggling with the exercise, I thought it would be fun to create fiction from the person's point of view since it had been so skewed!

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    • Ruby H Rose profile image

      Maree Michael Martin 5 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

      I LOVE this story! Thanks for sharing the challenge part, what a great adventure!

    • LABrashear profile image

      LABrashear 5 years ago from My Perfect Place, USA

      I had no idea where you were going with this! You did really well on it. I knew there was going to be some sort of twist on the end, but...no idea. Great job!! Voting up and sharing.

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 5 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      That was wonderful! All kinds of horrible things were going through my head. My firs thought was that he was running away because he was made at his mom. My second thought was that perhaps he had been kidnapped! What a wonderful ending! Voted up and awesome! Great job! :)

    • EyesStraightAhead profile image
      Author

      Shell Vera 5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Thank you all for the comments. I had worked on other drafts and have been struggling all week. I fear I am not so great with my imagination as I am at taking a real event and going far into places with what someone could have been thinking. I am trying to do more "fiction" but it is harder for me to write when I don't have a real event to turn into a tall tale! However, that is the point of these exercises: to keep me writing and stretch me with what I can do. By the time I get to 201, hopefully I will be able to use my imagination fully! :) Thank you for your encouragement. It keeps me going.

    • donnaisabella profile image

      Donaisabella 5 years ago from Fort Myers

      You are just getting better! I loved the story because it really held me in suspense and what an ending, I almost felt embarrassed myself. Good job!

    • EyesStraightAhead profile image
      Author

      Shell Vera 5 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Thank you Donna! This was a fun one! Each one is more challenging and more fun. I am so thankful LA told us about the book by writing her challenges!

    • theraggededge profile image

      Bev 4 years ago from Wales

      What a great idea to share the results of your writing exercises as Hubs. I really liked this and it is obvious you have talent. Voted up.

      Edited: I just realised - I have this book. I really ought to read it!

    • EyesStraightAhead profile image
      Author

      Shell Vera 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Please join us in the challenge. We both lost wind... and I know for me part if it was that I was worried I wanted to see more people involved so I didn't want to get too far ahead! If you start posting hubs with your responses, I will add them to my past hubs too! Please let me and LABrashear know!!

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