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4 Reasons Why The Zombie Apocalypse Will Be Less Interesting Than You Think

Updated on July 17, 2014

Many books and movie have been made about the horrors of a Zombie Apocalypse. However, in today's world, an all-out anarchy will be almost the opposite of what would really happen.

I was promised brains. __________________
I was promised brains. __________________ | Source

1. Containment

Many zombie flicks and novels show the Zombie Apocalypse starting all at once, all over the world. Realistically, only a handful of zombies might escape from a research facility in the middle of nowhere. The main theme in most zombie fiction is a virus, infecting the human race through an infected's bite. This assumes that zombies are in close contact with other humans, which is not exactly a case in a desolate place, like the Grand Canyon. The safest way to stop the apocalypse is to simply: Wait around for the zombies to rot away.

The biggest question would be how much time is necessary. Just 5 weeks should do it. If you can wait a year for Christmas, you can wait a month for the end of the apocalypse.

2. Removal

"But Arthur, wouldn't the zombies find somebody in 5 weeks, and spread the zombie virus from there", some people might say. While this may be true, the US government would hardly be twiddling their thumbs, waiting for a group of random citizens to take control of the action. At the very least, they will send the local police department to remove all threat of zombies in the area. At the most, they could send an entire army division. Even if those are not enough, the US can just call in a nuclear strike, destroying any problem of zombies, at least until next week.

Pictured: No Zombies
Pictured: No Zombies

While it is said in most fiction that zombies feed of radiation, it is important to keep in mind that one of the biggest dangers of a nuclear missile is its blast, instead of the nuclear fallout. To put it in perspective, here is a picture of what is left after a nuke blows up a house.

Yup, the answer's nothing.
Yup, the answer's nothing. | Source

...and this is a picture of what is left after a nuke blows up a zombie.

5 points to the person with the answer!
5 points to the person with the answer! | Source

3. Spread Control

So, we already have two reasons why the Zombie Apocalypse wouldn't really happen(That don't have to do with carnivore ducks).

We nuked the zombies, but they still came(proving completely resistant to basic laws of physics). How do we take them out now? With simple border security, of course.

Sir, your ear appears to be falling off. Please follow me.
Sir, your ear appears to be falling off. Please follow me. | Source

Unless they can learn to walk several dozens of miles to the nearest city (On their rotting feet, no less), they will have trouble destroying anything more than a single city. To save themselves, a person simply needs to drive for 2 hours to another city, or go to the forest. Zombies, after all, aren't smart enough to drive cars. Except...

4. Intelligent Zombies

Somehow, ├╝ber evil scientist Mr. Evilson has made zombies extremely intelligent! He has somehow made zombie chambers all over the world, made to be released at exactly the same moment! Also, he has even sabotaged all forms of explosive devices, making his zombies close to invincible! How do we save ourselves from a zombie that can think, plan, and calculate!

      *Cheesy Joke* ____
*Cheesy Joke* ____ | Source

Now that zombies can think, is there any hope left? Should you barricade your door!? Feed your roommate to the lions? Or, perhaps, you should call the people who actually know how to do this?

"So, you just point and shoot, right?"
"So, you just point and shoot, right?" | Source

In any scenario, the Army will solve all problems that have to do with zombies. During the Zombie Apocalypse, stay at home, relax, and watch some shows. If anyone asks, you're saving your strength.


4 out of 5 stars from 1 rating of Zombies


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    • Meisjunk profile image

      Jennifer Kessner 3 years ago from Pennsylvania

      What about when the CDC have no idea of the origins, and then everyone's a carrier? Just as it is in The Walking Dead, EVERY person who dies turns into a zombie. There's no "waiting it out."

      And in the case of The Walking Dead, it wasn't a matter of experimented persons/creatures escaping, it was a matter of an epidemic spread among humans. HIV/AIDS cannot be stopped; it happens when we don't even know it, and it's not even airborne. Zombie "viruses" are usually told from a possibility of being airborne.

      I totally get where you're coming from. I just think that in a race of cognizant beings where the wedding of a Kardashian can be blown completely out of proportion, the ONLY way a zombie apocalypse will not interest the world is if it kills everyone first.