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5 Swift Ways Someone Can Control You

Updated on February 19, 2017

Throughout my lifetime, I have had people try to use insults to alter my self-esteem. They wanted me to become a certain type of person. And so readers, I realized these quick, sneaky, under-handed, sinister, and clever everyday tools that some people use to control other people.

When someone wants to control you, you’re usually someone they can use for social status, economic opportunities, or just as a punching bag for the days they're upset. These are the sneakiest and swiftest ones I've encountered in life. Hopefully you will remember these and avoid these traps.


1} Insults

It can be a funeral, a baby shower, or you could just be going to church, and these people or this one person will come up to you and insult what you’re wearing. They either just say you don’t look good or make some sarcastic understatement about you.

The statements are clever, something like, “Well look at you, you look so grown up today,” or, “Wow, I didn’t even recognize you today, don’t you look put together.” “You look like a real lady or gentleman today.”

And this leaves you wondering, what did I look like all the other times, a koala, a bum, a giraffe, a ghoul? What makes these clothes and shoes different from all the others I've worn? Just that quick, they've made you question and doubt your own characteristics and taste.

Yeah, just that quick.


2} Lies

Lies will definitely control you. You’ll look for phone calls. You’ll look for their tweets. You’ll stalk someone on Facebook. You'll get into a fight at your mother's party. You'll bite someone at the club. And why are you doing this, because of lies.

Don’t get me wrong, we all gossip, and it’s a perfectly harmless thing to do. It’s only when you add lies in the mix that things start spiraling out of control. It all begins with a small but personal fact about you exaggerated.

Here you are, going to and fro in your life, trying to find a bargain on a designer bag or designer watch. You look up, and an acquaintance, not friend, is coming over to tell you about what someone said about why you have a certain habit, your education, your knowledge about a subject at work, the time you got really drunk, or even the cupcakes you baked with the eggshell that supposedly cut some kid on the lips. This brutal elaborate lie has just pulverized your concentration on your everyday appearance.

Now you're trying to get to the bottom of whatever it is that was said. You’re following this person and all other persons you believe had something to do with this lie. You have no time for yourself. You only have time for this person. They've gained control over your personal time and thoughts just that quickly. Now you're paranoid and uncomfortable in your skin just that quickly.

Yeah, baffling isn't it?


3} Hatred

Nothing is worst than having to live around someone who hates you. You can see they hate you by what they do. You experience their hatred when they open their mouths to talk to you.

It’s the mother-in-law again; she thinks you suck. It’s the women at your workplace, they find something about you to complain about everyday or stand whispering in a weird football huddle talking about you. It’s that awful pet that was given to your daughter or son that growls every time you come into the room.

Stuff like this ruins any peace of mind you may have. Even in the relationship you have with your kid after you kick that mutt outside. One must remember, the ability to ignore things is a God-given trait.

But instead of this, you constantly try to fix the situation. You buy and make things for these people to appease them. You try to have conversations through growling, understatements, and the sarcasm spewed at you. You're sad during the day and most of the night. You can't rest or sleep. Just like that, you're following someone, having anxiety when they come around, grouchy with people you shouldn't be grouchy with. You're miserable because you have no peace of mind. Just that quickly your peace of mind has been taken away.

Yep, just that quick.


4} Fear

Being afraid of a person gives them power over you. It dictates your behavior. It can ruin happy relationships in your life and social privileges. You shouldn't run to trouble either. You probably shouldn't walk through a gang-dominated neighborhood to overcome the fear of them. However, in some situations you shouldn't be afraid.

You shouldn't relinquish your parking space for the manager at work. You shouldn't be compelled to let Earl take every stapler you have. No way readers. A problem I continue to notice today is the bullying in high school. This hasn't been tested yet because I'm not in school anymore. But if I was, I don’t think one has to get violent with a bully.

They can simply let someone bring the violence, and in this day and age, I would take out my cell phone and call the police on them. I'm talking about you high school student. You aren't too young to press charges or sue. Yes, sue them for the amount of bodily harm they cause you. Sue them for the mental trauma they induced. Sue them and drive to school everyday in your brand new 2016 Lexus.

Yeah; that’s nice.

Expose your aggressor to the point of bringing up charges that states that they can’t even stand a couple of feet from you. Why be afraid? Why give up your shoes? Your brand new bicycle? Abandon your beliefs or opinions? Your spot in the insanely long lunch line? You don’t have to!

Bully's beat up on people in private or in front of jerks. What does that tell you to do? You need to be loud, label them, expose them and your pains.

But instead, people just take it. They say, only a couple more months of this. They say, I hate myself and try to change themselves. Instead, they get depressed and that's another problem to add to the one you already have.

Instead of just looking like a preppy, rich, spoiled brat and call the cops, press charges, sue, and drive around in your new car; you take the abuse and things only get worst for you. And just that quickly, you have been consumed with great and terrible fear.

You are afraid to be you.


5} The Sucker Punch

The sucker punch is what I’m using to describe how someone can use your love to take advantage of you. This is without being in a relationship with you. This is very clever. It takes a master at lying, fear, and all of the above. It’s really easy to slip into this trap and become controlled by someone.They literally set-up how you feel about them and others over weeks even months.

Usually someone like this would target you because your'e rich, you're attractive, you're smart, or because of something you have they want. It can also be because they don't like you. It could be for something you won’t do, you won’t agree with, or you won’t allow in your life.

You can term this person a stalker. They do have to know almost everything about you to relate to you in some way. Starting with your likes and dislikes.

And so, you meet this seemingly unique individual. After a while, you hear sob stories. You feel sorry for them. And you, you unfortunate individual, will support and justify this person.

You will buy for this person, give this person your time, your comfort, discretion over whoever is in your life, even let them use your car and home. You are only trying to show them how much they mean to somebody; you.

However, overtime you will be changed. Your opinions won’t entirely be your own. Your hard work won't just contribute to your happiness. The love of your life, that doesn't agree with this person or persons, will be driven away. You've alienated everyone except for them and the people they like.

And one day, when a more powerful or richer sucker comes along, you will be abandoned. And hopefully, you won't be in a bad position financially or socially if you need these things. And poor you, you've been sucker punched.


Last Note

There are too many issues in the world that we as people have to deal with. We shouldn’t let our time be taken up by lies, our ambitions be stopped by fear, our peace of mind be taken away because of hatred.

Even though you are significantly overweight, you wear your bathing suit despite what your wife’s or husband’s cousins say. Life is entirely too problem-filled already for you to throw away a perfectly good relaxing trip because of someone else’s opinions. Love yourself despite your faults, accept that you make mistakes and move on to the next best thing in life.

Have some backbone. Don't let anyone or anything take away your peace in your own home. Don't let anyone make you feel uncomfortable or afraid to be you. You will always be you and everyone deserves this peace of mind.

And for the people who are continuously sucker punched, take a good look at your life. Make sure that you weigh the good and the bad in it very carefully before you let someone just change things. No one should allow themselves to suffer because someone else doesn't or just can’t have what they have.

Believe this readers, your decisions control everything in your life. Nobody else can have power in your life unless you let them.


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    • SonQuioey10 profile image

      Toni Northern 5 years ago from Williamston NC

      Most definitely. Being afraid is as painful as the worst disappointment often times. It carries with it an anxiety that creates stress, and we all know what stress can do to someone's mental condition and health overtime. I hope my hub was a good read for you, and a little funny. Thanks for reading.

    • Abundant old soul profile image

      Abundant Old Soul 5 years ago from united states

      I have known hate. It hurts. These days dreaming dreams and seeing. Miracles. You know what, it works. I decide each day on whether I want to be afraid or not. I spent 17 years being afraid. Being brave feels better.

    • Cammiebar profile image

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      These are huge weapons people have against each other! Noticing them in someone using them against you is vital for your emotional health.

      Useful and awesome hub!