5 Things You Do that Piss People Off
Please note that this is not intended to be serious (unless it applies to you). If you are tempted to get angry and ruffled please move directly down to number 5 and address that issue.
So, the title alone probably has me well on the way to unfeatured status, but hey – it is my duty to at least try to release this much needed public service announcement for the good of all mankind.
Do you constantly extoll your virtues and declare how much better than most of humanity you are? Did the heavens open up one day and deliver you here to be the shining example to everyone else of all the things the rest of humanity is doing wrong?
Perhaps someone wronged you 20 years ago and, despite forgiving them, you still feel the need to bring up their previous fauxpas regularly at parties – after all you're only kidding! It's all in good fun to rib and roast people at parties! Of course, if people do it to you, you get angry, because after all, the heavens did open up to drop you off as the shining example of virtue for the rest of us losers – I mean fellow humans.
If this describes you, and it probably does – it is my job to inform you through this public service announcement of all the ways you are pissing people off. Yes, of course, it's our fault and not a reflection on you. cue dramatic, angelic sounding music as the skies open up … yes, yes.
So, here's the list of crappy things you do. Maybe you should take heed and make some positive changes in your life – or, feel free of course to point them out to everyone else so that they'll make these changes to better accommodate you.
You're More Important than Everyone Around You!
There are numerous self-important people roaming the planet these days. You likely encounter a dozen daily – at least! This is especially true if you live in high traffic areas. These are the people who are yacking on their phones while speeding around everyone. The same person who sees the notification 3 miles in advance to merge due to construction – yet blazes ahead of everyone and squeezes in at the front of the line. (By the way, I'm the little woman in the Nissan who will NOT let you in)
Yes, oh shining example of humanity, all 5,000 cars who wait patiently in line to take their turn realize that you and your destination are far more important. It isn't you – it's us. Ms thing in your Escalade that had the nerve to flip me off for not letting you in; please forgive me for forgetting my place – and staying in it for 45 minutes while I waited my turn. After all, important people like you have places to be – not the rest of us. We sit in traffic for hours for the sheer joy of feeling our blood pressure rise to dangerous levels.
Your Level of Passive Aggressive Behavior Should Qualify as an Olympic Event!
It has obviously taken many years of high-intensity daily training to get to your level of passive aggressive competence. The masses bow to your wit and ability to manipulate others with speed and grace!
Why yes of course I remember that $3.00 you loaned me for coffee two and half years ago on a Tuesday. It's obvious that I didn't simply forget. I totally neglected to pay you back out of sheer spite. You see, I knew that by not returning that $3; it would set the wheels in motion to destroy all your friendships and ability to trust people ever again. That after all was my “passive aggressive” goal – to rob you of all joy in any social situations.
You however are not passive aggressive at all when you run around and tell everyone that “some people” are dishonest and don't return money they borrow, while shooting a passing glance in my direction and pretending to keep your voice down while talking to the circle of people around the watercooler.
A face to face reminder would not be nearly as brilliant of a strategy. Instead, destroy the reputation of a fellow friend and co-worker by gossiping about her willful intent to destroy your life. That'll teach her!
How Passive Aggressive are You?
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice
Everybody knows it isn't what you say, but how you say it. Or at least you should - bless your little ol' heart you!
A compliment just isn't a compliment if it isn't genuine and slightly backhanded. “Why bless your heart!” you exclaim loudly in a sing-songy voice as you pat my hand and tell me “oh you cute thing”. It really, truly is because my cuteness is just so hard to resist. This face, boy it has caused its share of trouble with off the charts adorableness.
After all it's only good manners – especially if you're from the South, to not say what's bothering you or what you really think. If you gush and swoon while patronizing people; it makes you a good person, even if you talk smack behind that person's back later. I mean, at least you were polite!
Let this be a lesson to the rest of us in proper manners! Be sure to ooze sweetness and honey by mixing your nicey nice words thoroughly with just the right amount of condescending tone and patronizing gestures. That is, after all, the best way to prove you are better than others in a civilized society. All that learning to communicate and use tact and diplomacy to tell people the truth is just rude!
Social Media Shaming and Ambiguity
This falls under passive aggressive too probably – but you know the ones! You can tell they're angry by the statements they make in their sometimes dozens of daily status updates. They never really say what's wrong, or who they're mad at, but they want to drum up sympathy for their cause.
You don't know whether to offer them sympathy, since chances are really good it's probably you they're talking about. After all, the sky opened up from on high *cue heavenly music etc... - and they can do no wrong.
It's obvious they are a shining example to all they bless with their presence. But you, you passive aggressive, soulless half-wit – you obviously wake up every morning with the sole intention of ruining the lives of everyone you encounter, especially them.
This is even more true if you don't happen to share the same beliefs about God, politics, the weather, or sports.
You Take Things WAY too Seriously
When you say something sarcastic, it is obviously the wittiest, most wonderful example of superior intellect that has ever been demonstrated, but that simply isn't true of the rest of us. The rest of us are obviously too stupid or not nearly engaged enough with your cause, or the rest of humanity, to care.
I mean, regular people who weren't delivered from on high are surely not able to express emotion or vent frustrations through sarcasm. If we are sarcastic, it is painfully obvious our lives are miserable at any given moment. We are obviously perpetual bitter old hags with no thought for anyone but ourselves.
You know who you are, you are probably reading this and thinking the woman who wrote this is obviously a miserable old hag! (watch who you're calling old bub!)
Who would write something so scathing – I mean, what makes her so high and mighty - *cue heavenly music ;)
Life's too short to be too serious – and definitely too short to hold onto anger and trip over the trivial! Have a great day and of course, here's a great phrase my Mother shared with me once in the form of a coffee mug she found at a flea market “Illegitimi Non Carborundum” - “Don't let the Bastards get you down!”
How Angry are You?
© 2014 Christin Sander