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5 Things You Do that Piss People Off

Updated on March 13, 2017
ChristinS profile image

Sarcasm, straight shooting, satire and snark - Christin tackles all with her sharp little bark!

5 Things You Need to Stop Doing - Seriously!
5 Things You Need to Stop Doing - Seriously! | Source

Please note that this is not intended to be serious (unless it applies to you). If you are tempted to get angry and ruffled please move directly down to number 5 and address that issue.

So, the title alone probably has me well on the way to unfeatured status, but hey – it is my duty to at least try to release this much needed public service announcement for the good of all mankind.

Do you constantly extoll your virtues and declare how much better than most of humanity you are? Did the heavens open up one day and deliver you here to be the shining example to everyone else of all the things the rest of humanity is doing wrong?

Perhaps someone wronged you 20 years ago and, despite forgiving them, you still feel the need to bring up their previous fauxpas regularly at parties – after all you're only kidding! It's all in good fun to rib and roast people at parties! Of course, if people do it to you, you get angry, because after all, the heavens did open up to drop you off as the shining example of virtue for the rest of us losers – I mean fellow humans.

If this describes you, and it probably does – it is my job to inform you through this public service announcement of all the ways you are pissing people off. Yes, of course, it's our fault and not a reflection on you. cue dramatic, angelic sounding music as the skies open up … yes, yes.

So, here's the list of crappy things you do. Maybe you should take heed and make some positive changes in your life – or, feel free of course to point them out to everyone else so that they'll make these changes to better accommodate you.

You're More Important than Everyone Around You!

There are numerous self-important people roaming the planet these days. You likely encounter a dozen daily – at least! This is especially true if you live in high traffic areas. These are the people who are yacking on their phones while speeding around everyone. The same person who sees the notification 3 miles in advance to merge due to construction – yet blazes ahead of everyone and squeezes in at the front of the line. (By the way, I'm the little woman in the Nissan who will NOT let you in)

Yes, oh shining example of humanity, all 5,000 cars who wait patiently in line to take their turn realize that you and your destination are far more important. It isn't you – it's us. Ms thing in your Escalade that had the nerve to flip me off for not letting you in; please forgive me for forgetting my place – and staying in it for 45 minutes while I waited my turn. After all, important people like you have places to be – not the rest of us. We sit in traffic for hours for the sheer joy of feeling our blood pressure rise to dangerous levels.

Your Level of Passive Aggressive Behavior Should Qualify as an Olympic Event!

It has obviously taken many years of high-intensity daily training to get to your level of passive aggressive competence. The masses bow to your wit and ability to manipulate others with speed and grace!

Why yes of course I remember that $3.00 you loaned me for coffee two and half years ago on a Tuesday. It's obvious that I didn't simply forget. I totally neglected to pay you back out of sheer spite. You see, I knew that by not returning that $3; it would set the wheels in motion to destroy all your friendships and ability to trust people ever again. That after all was my “passive aggressive” goal – to rob you of all joy in any social situations.

You however are not passive aggressive at all when you run around and tell everyone that “some people” are dishonest and don't return money they borrow, while shooting a passing glance in my direction and pretending to keep your voice down while talking to the circle of people around the watercooler.

A face to face reminder would not be nearly as brilliant of a strategy. Instead, destroy the reputation of a fellow friend and co-worker by gossiping about her willful intent to destroy your life. That'll teach her!

How Passive Aggressive are You?

See results

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Everybody knows it isn't what you say, but how you say it. Or at least you should - bless your little ol' heart you!

A compliment just isn't a compliment if it isn't genuine and slightly backhanded. “Why bless your heart!” you exclaim loudly in a sing-songy voice as you pat my hand and tell me “oh you cute thing”. It really, truly is because my cuteness is just so hard to resist. This face, boy it has caused its share of trouble with off the charts adorableness.

After all it's only good manners – especially if you're from the South, to not say what's bothering you or what you really think. If you gush and swoon while patronizing people; it makes you a good person, even if you talk smack behind that person's back later. I mean, at least you were polite!

Let this be a lesson to the rest of us in proper manners! Be sure to ooze sweetness and honey by mixing your nicey nice words thoroughly with just the right amount of condescending tone and patronizing gestures. That is, after all, the best way to prove you are better than others in a civilized society. All that learning to communicate and use tact and diplomacy to tell people the truth is just rude!

Social Media Shaming and Ambiguity

This falls under passive aggressive too probably – but you know the ones! You can tell they're angry by the statements they make in their sometimes dozens of daily status updates. They never really say what's wrong, or who they're mad at, but they want to drum up sympathy for their cause.

You don't know whether to offer them sympathy, since chances are really good it's probably you they're talking about. After all, the sky opened up from on high *cue heavenly music etc... - and they can do no wrong.

It's obvious they are a shining example to all they bless with their presence. But you, you passive aggressive, soulless half-wit – you obviously wake up every morning with the sole intention of ruining the lives of everyone you encounter, especially them.

This is even more true if you don't happen to share the same beliefs about God, politics, the weather, or sports.

You Take Things WAY too Seriously

When you say something sarcastic, it is obviously the wittiest, most wonderful example of superior intellect that has ever been demonstrated, but that simply isn't true of the rest of us. The rest of us are obviously too stupid or not nearly engaged enough with your cause, or the rest of humanity, to care.

I mean, regular people who weren't delivered from on high are surely not able to express emotion or vent frustrations through sarcasm. If we are sarcastic, it is painfully obvious our lives are miserable at any given moment. We are obviously perpetual bitter old hags with no thought for anyone but ourselves.

You know who you are, you are probably reading this and thinking the woman who wrote this is obviously a miserable old hag! (watch who you're calling old bub!)

Who would write something so scathing – I mean, what makes her so high and mighty - *cue heavenly music ;)

Life's too short to be too serious – and definitely too short to hold onto anger and trip over the trivial! Have a great day and of course, here's a great phrase my Mother shared with me once in the form of a coffee mug she found at a flea market “Illegitimi Non Carborundum” - “Don't let the Bastards get you down!”

How Angry are You?

See results

© 2014 Christin Sander

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    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 years ago from Midwest

      :) Thanks for the read and comment. I was feeling a bit snarky the day I wrote this ;) could you tell? lol

    • MonkeyShine75 profile image

      Mara Alexander 2 years ago from Los Angeles, California

      I love this, Thanks for the guide. I'll make a copy for my purse, and carry it with me :)

      Voted up

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Stargrrl - so glad you enjoyed it :)

    • profile image

      Stargrrl 2 years ago

      You are a good writer. I enjoyed your article.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks peachpurple glad the hub made you smile :)

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      lol! you sure are witty at getting people pissed off, bookmark this when i need to piss someone off

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 years ago from Midwest

      Hi snakeslane - yes it was therapeutic and fun. Yes, definitely these are the types of personalities I tend to avoid now, but I used to work as a hotel front desk manager and it was like we were a magnet for people like this lol. Fortunately, I don't encounter too many anymore :) thanks for reading and commenting.

    • snakeslane profile image

      snakeslane 2 years ago from Canada

      Hi Christin, I'm thinking this must have been therapeutic to write. Sadly this type of narcissistic personality never seems to change because every thing that happens to them is someone else's fault. (Best avoided I think.) Good rant!

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks HealthGuy glad you got a good laugh out of it :)

    • TheHealthGuy LM profile image

      TheHealthGuy LM 2 years ago from U.S.A.

      Were you speaking directly to me lol? I laughed all the way through. Thanks, I needed a good laugh and the sad part is it nailed me, kinda lol. Great read!

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 2 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Australian - glad you enjoyed the hub :)

    • AustralianNappies profile image

      AustralianNappies 2 years ago from Australia

      Great job! I could definitely relate!

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      lol thanks for reading and commenting Pico :)

    • Pico Triano profile image

      John 3 years ago from New Brunswick, Canada

      Wow! You know me better than I thought.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks rls :) glad you got a laugh out of it and I hear you on the FB status dramas! :)

    • rls8994 profile image

      rls8994 3 years ago from Mississippi

      I loved this....so funny! Lol....I get so annoyed with some people and their many facebook status quotes about being mad at someone or something, wanting to be asked what's wrong Lol

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks temptor94 - I appreciate the read and positive feedback. I was having one of those days when I wrote this piece - it's quite a departure from my usual writing, but I'm so happy so many have had a laugh out of it :) thanks a lot.

    • temptor94 profile image

      Ritu Temptor 3 years ago from India

      I really enjoyed reading this post :) Voted up! These habits are truly outrageous! At least 1 in every 4 people in my workplace are like this - the whole world centers around them, they can do no wrong and everyone else are poor miserable losers. Just loved the humor and sarcasm in your hub!! :)

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Glad you got a chuckle out of it Gardener Den and I appreciate you leaving a comment :). Don't let the negative nellies of the world bring you down! :)

    • gardener den profile image

      gardener den 3 years ago from Southwestern, Pennsylvania

      ChristinS

      I ran into this Hub while looking at my Hubs on Hubpages. Thank You I got a so called friend that is just the person that you are writing about in your article. That they are always better than me! This person is always putting me down. And loving to do so. But when they do this to me I always come back at them with a great answer. Thank You again for the great Hub and keep up the good work and keep writing great articles! P:S: I loved this article! It made me laugh and feel good about myself. Gardener Den.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      :) Thanks Suzanne - so long as they understand that you are better all is well ;)

    • Suzanne Day profile image

      Suzanne Day 3 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      I know quite a few people who seem to think they're better than everyone else, but when I ask them exactly why, they can't really provide concrete answers. I have great fun shooting them down and telling them how much better I am! LOL. Voted useful. x

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Deliberate - so glad you enjoyed it :)

    • Deliberate Writer profile image

      Luci 3 years ago from Oregon

      LOL. This post was hilarious. The $3 loan over-reaction reminds me of a family member who will remain nameless. This literally made me laugh. I voted it up :)

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Simondixie glad you enjoyed the hub :)

    • simondixie profile image

      Nancy McLendon Scott 3 years ago from Georgia

      Loved this! Thank you for a refreshing, honest hub!

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      You're welcome Crafty :D glad it made you laugh.

    • CraftytotheCore profile image

      CraftytotheCore 3 years ago

      Thank you for the good laugh Christin!

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks TurtleDog glad you enjoyed it :)

    • TurtleDog profile image

      TurtleDog 3 years ago

      Oh this post is great. Why didn't I think of this lol :-) I love lists. Thanks for posting. Voted up

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Eddy :)

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      Very interesting; leaves much food for thought.

      Voting up.

      Eddy.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks SandCastles :) You know what's funny is many businesses make their employees change their voices, like when I worked in a corporate hotel, they would get on the front desk staff to talk in that kind of sing-songy whiny voice - Gah! nothing is as irritating as a phony person lol.

    • profile image

      SandCastles 3 years ago

      This hub was entertaining to read! It bugs me when people give me unsolicited advice and tell what I'm feeling, "Yes you are angry because your arms are crossed and I know best". I also dislike people who laugh all the time in a mean, cackling way, people who think they are being funny when they are simply being mean. And there is always a few people around encouraging them, "Oh, you're so funny", which eggs the big mouth on. Also people who talk in a fake, whiny voice (not like Nanny Fran who is hilarious) but in a pompous way to sound professional when it sounds like they are simply plugging their nose when they talk.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      I like that "your urgency ain't my emergency" I have to remember that one lol. Thanks for reading and commenting :)

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      I hate when someone pees in my cornflakes, too. What irks me royally is people who expect me to drop everything I'm doing to help them because they haven't planned -- yes, as if the world revolves around them. I have often resorted to the mantra ("your urgency ain't my emergency") but usually I am nicer about it than that.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Ok Eric, checked out the link LOL - very cute :) - thanks for sharing it.

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Eric - I'm going to check out the video you linked :) I'm curious!

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks Faith :) Glad you enjoyed it and I definitely appreciate the shares! Have a great night too :).

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thanks fpherj :) It's been one of those strange weeks where sometimes the best thing to do is turn it around and make it a funny ;) this is kind of my first attempt at this type of writing, so I am glad people get I was just kidding! lol (sort of anyway hehehe)

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      hehehe Great Public Service Announcement! That about sums it all up!

      Up and more, pinning and tweeting

      Enjoy your evening,

      Faith Reaper

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 3 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Christin....How wonderful to discover that you and I are first cousins.....we have to be. Obviously our mothers were sisters!

      KUDOS, from the Queen Witch of Sarcasm..."Herself".....THIS hub is a piece of genius..UP funny & awesome. Pinning this (on a few foreheads)

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      I figured you would not believe me if I told you this was a song:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itb6uNL_3ag

    • ChristinS profile image
      Author

      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      Thank you dragonfly :) I'll have to go check yours out as well - must be something in the air lol.

    • profile image

      dragonflycolor 3 years ago

      LOL. I just wrote one like this as well. Good hub!

    • ChristinS profile image
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      Christin Sander 3 years ago from Midwest

      thanks gm :) was totally not meant to be serious but I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the vote! :)

    • gmwilliams profile image

      Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

      This is an excellent piece. It was totally succinct. Voted UP!

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