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50 Ways to Tell if You're a Redneck
Just for Fun
Everyone needs a good laugh now and then. Here is a list of 50 "You might be a redneck if..." jokes that can bring a smile to your face! Enjoy!
You Might be a Redneck if:
1. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren’t.
2. You’ve ever shot a mouse inside your home.
3. Duct tape and wire are the only two things holding your truck together.
4. The lake has to be restocked after you take a bath.
5. You can identify your friends by the sound of their mufflers.
6. The idea for the Budweiser frogs came from listening to you and your friends trying to read the label on the bottle.
7. You think “possum” is the other white meat.
8. You’re wearing a camouflage jacket and dipping in your driver’s license picture.
9. Your gun cabinet takes up half your living room.
10. You think its okay for your six year old to baby sit your three, four, and five year old.
11. Your dog shots are up to date, but your children’s aren’t.
12. You can chew your own toenails.
13. Your momma has more tattoos than you do.
14. You’ve ever accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
15. Your idea of good fishing involves a boat, a net, and dynamite.
16. You can remember every NASCAR driver and their car number, but can’t remember how old your children are.
17. Your car is made out of 17 others, and each part is a different color.
18. Instead of locking the doors of your house, you keep a shotgun by your bed “just in case”.
19. You can hit a bull’s eye from up to 50 yards away, but still have trouble with your ABC’s.
20. You’ve ever wrestled your momma for the last beer.
21. You roll your pickup truck and laugh about it.
22. Your mustache is longer than your wife’s hair.
23. Any of your children learned to make very realistic animal noises before they learned to talk.
24. Flannel is your favorite color.
25. You list your parole officer as a reference.
26. There are more than ten lawsuits pending against your dog.
27. You are turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.
28. Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than grandpa.
29. Your back porch is bigger than your house.
30. Your parakeet knows the phrase “Open Up, Police”.
31. Your grandmother can correctly execute a “Sleeper Hold”.
32. Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
33. Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
34. You’ve ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister’s honor.
35. You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
36. You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
37. Your lips move while reading a stop sign.
38. On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.
39. You shot your own 12 point coat rack.
40. You’ve got more guns “On-Display” than the Walmart’s sporting goods counter.
41. You ask your ten year old son how to spell a word.
42. The tires on your truck are taller than your children.
43. You dated your dads current wife in high school.
44. You keep a can of Raid on the dining room table.
45. Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
46. Your wife has ever said “Come move this transmission so I can take a bath”.
47. Your wedding was held in a delivery room.
48. None of your shirts cover your stomach.
49. You use the term “over yonder” more than once a month.
50. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Please note: I compiled this list just for fun. No offense was intended! It's just for laughs!