7 Days Of Missing You
This is what I wrote when the first 7 days passed after my dear friend committed suicide. Seems as though it took the full 7 days just to rise above the shock of hearing the bad news from her daughter.
KILLED HERSELF seemed to be the only words I repeated over and over.
It is my first death by suicide, so I can only imagine I experienced a normal response, if there is such a thing.
I started this poem on the 7th day, but could not complete it for another 2 weeks. It took me 2-3 days to even tell anyone close to me that her death had occurred. Did I think if I didn't tell anyone, it wouldn't be true? Maybe deep down inside that was how I felt, maybe I couldn't cope so had to let it settle in as slowly as necessary.
I am grieving more freely now which is why I was able to complete this poem, at least as much as I chose to complete, for the time being.
I've decided to view this piece as my progress toward acceptance and present it as an expression of the shock that hit me when she passed away.
It’s been 7 days since your sad song began playing in my heart.
You have ceased to exist for 168 hours?
“Are you sitting down?”
“Yeah” I replied.
“Are you sure?”
It hadn’t occurred to me that something tragic was wrong. Must be in the hospital, went in for treatment.
“Are you sure?”
Wait . . . what could be so hard to say? Only one thing came to mind. I knew then, what I was about to hear.
“Mommy’s gone, she killed herself”
The instance before it was said, I realized you were gone.
I let out a painful, Huh, as I exhaled in disbelief; that slight groan that masked the screaming occurring deep in the core of my very being.
No time to prepare!
It has been 10,080 minutes since that heart-stopping occurrence.
I was suddenly caught up in the violent swirl of a tornado of my own making -emotions sending my mind racing and my heart breaking.
At that moment did I even breathe? Not to my knowledge.
That long exhale seemed to nourish my lungs for what seemed like minutes as time slowed down and my mind raced to comprehend what was happening.
Then came the second of clarity,
when my body told my brain . . . wait for it . . . wait for it . . .
She killed herself?
It was then my soul rumbled again, like an earthquake slowing making its way to the surface.
It’s been 604,800 seconds since your light was extinguished.
Soon I’ll notice each passing month, followed by each passing year.
It’s been 7 days since you passed away
I miss you so much!
Nothing more relaxing to you than listening to a hard rain accompanied by thunder and lightening. How happy it made you that I found the perfect CD for you.
Here are links to the other writings about my friend
- Suicide or Accidental Death
For the first time in my 50 year existence, I am feeling overwhelmed by the suicide, accidental death, or accidental overdose questions racing through my mind. I received word a few days ago that someone I...
- Coming Full Circle and Saying Good-bye
This is a follow-up to a painful experience which has left wounds still trying to heal in my heart, my mind, and my deepest essence. The death of my dear friend is described here and now I would like to...