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99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall: (Flash Fiction)

Updated on December 13, 2016
wingedcentaur profile image

The first step is to know what you do not know. The second step is to ask the right questions. I reserve the right to lean on my ignorance.

Serena M. was into cops. INTO police officers. She was a law enforcement groupie. Her latest paramour was a South Boston police officer named Dalton Pavel.

She and Officer Pavel had just completed their romantic rendezvous in the backseat of his patrol car.

It was the middle part of evening. The two of them were driving around now.

"Look out there," Officer Pavel said. "What do you see?"

"Oh, one of those 'third eye' kind of questions," Serena said, perking up. "I'm good at this game." She should have been; she'd had a lot of experience.

"Now don't tell me," she said. "I know this one."

Officer Pavel tried to look at her flippancy with stern disapproval. But he couldn't quite keep the corners of his mouth from upturning.

Serena noted this as her due. She liked to make people laugh. "Don't tell me, its the 'concrete jungle' out there, right?"


"Wait, wait," she said, "its prey and predators.... Or is it the urban zoo full of two-legged animals... a den of wolves and sheep?"

"I got it," Serena said. "I am looking at the urban, concrete jungle of wolves and sheep, prey and predators. A bunch animals, real humanoid zoo specimens; and you, Officer Pavel and your brother officers are the game wardens."

"How's that?" she said.

"Wrong," Officer Pavel said.

As she looked back at him, Serena found herself staring down the barrel of her lover's service revolver.

"You don't know what you see out there," he said, "because nothing is what it seems."

A tense moment passed between them before the policeman gave a chuckle. Just kidding.

After a moment Serena allowed herself to laugh as well. Okay, somewhat strange, edgy sense of humor...

The gun went off.

In a back alley Officer Pavel went to work. "Hum-hum-hum bottles of beer on the wall, hum-hum-hum bottles of beer, take one down and pass it around, hum-hum-hum bottles of beer on the wall.." With well-practiced movements he put Serena's limp body into a black body bag and put it into his trunk, and drove away.

Now Officer Dalton Pavel was making his way into the interior of a cemetery, carrying Serena's body and a shovel.

He was digging the hole. "Hum-hum-hum bottles of beer on the wall, hum-hum-hum bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around, hum-hum-hum bottles of beer on the wall."

The body was in six feet deep now, and he was covering the plot. "Hum-hum-hum bottles of beer on the wall, hum-hum-hum bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around, hum-hum-hum bottles of beer on the wall."

Officer Pavel sang that stupid little song every time he killed a woman. He was down to fifty-eight bottles of beer. He wondered if anyone would stop him before he got the last one.

The End.


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    • wingedcentaur profile image

      William Thomas 4 years ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things!

      Hey, P.W.! Thanks for the kind word.

      Take it easy, and I'm glad to see that you are still with HubPages. At one time, as I was reading one of your hubs, I'd gotten the impression that you were getting frustrated with the site.

    • profile image

      PWalker281 4 years ago

      Oh my goodness, WC, hope that officer has all the bottles off the wall before I ever meet him. Good read!