A Clean Slate
It wasn't easy to get rid of it all. The stuffed animals. The pictures. The memories. The past would back, whispering to me about better times. I would remember parties with my friends, graduation, shopping trips. The choir trip from freshman year. Prom. Oh prom.
I boxed all those years and set them in my car. I was going to take them to the dump the next morning. There were still favors to prepare and I didn't have much time to dwell. Not much left afterward. A few boxes of books and old projects. A large duffel bag of clothes. Another box filled with toiletries and kitchen ware. I could fit it all in and still have room.
I snapped a picture. This would be one for the books. I looked around for what was left to do. I still have to drop off some bills, return those library books. I should sweep the floors, too. I'm not a monster.
An impatient buzz sounded from the dresser.
“Hello?” I said, answering the phone.
“How's the packing going?” a friendly voice crackled over the line.
“Almost done,” I said. I leaned against the dresser, smile on my face. I had met an internet friend at a convention a couple years back. “Are you really that excited to have me there?”
“Duh,” she said. I could hear the humor in her voice. “I'll be a Mrs pretty soon. I want to share this with everyone.”
“I know.” A breath of humor hissed through my teeth. “I will be there in a few days. Now get some sleep. You have a dress fitting.”
“Night.” I didn't realize I had been crying until the tears were already seeping into my shirt. I was giving up my world.
I slept in a fit of tears and woke tired but feeling much better. I hoped in my car after breakfast and ran the last of my errands. I had nothing left to go home to. No family. No friends. No boyfriend. I looked out the window at a clear blue sky. A breeze tugged on the leaves of nearby trees. A neighborhood cat slunk out of view across the street.
I packed the belonging I was keeping, started my car and was off. I was giving up my world.
And I will find another.
I was considering just leaving this as is but HubPages felt that it was too short so...
I will be the first to admit I have been crazy and lost. I had been so caught up in what the people around me expected of me and in just working as hard as I could that I lost sight of what I had wanted to do. I still don't know what that is but I know that I want to explore and learn and be excited for something more than just a day off. I miss the days when I was curious and I wanted to try new things. I miss having dreams.
I want to get back to the root of who I wanted to be. HubPages will come in handy in that I can share these feelings and discoveries in stories. Most of it probably won't make much sense and don't expect anyone to really care at this point. I'm doing it all for me. Which is how it should have been all along.
With the stories, I hope to share photographs I have taken and rants of me just spilling my guts out about whatever is making me feel like I'm where I need to be. You can pick and choose what you read, if any, as you see fit.
Thanks for listening and there will be plenty more from now on.