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A Conversation With My Ego
Sitting quietly at the bus stop
I've tuned the whole world out
Immersed and drowning in my own self-loathing
Whimpering, whining, and bemoaning
Content to just sit and pout
I don't see myself worthwhile
I don't think myself worthy of love
I don't understand what my friends see
Or why they'd ever want to be with me
I'm cocooned in self-doubt and pity like a glove
Out of nowhere a flash on my right
And sitting mirrored next to me
An indignant-looking girl
Appearing beaten by the world
But, most shocking, she looked just like me!
'What the hell's the matter with you?!'
She barked in outraged disdain
'Can't you ever cut me a break?
I don't know how much more crap I can take!
Girl, are you freakin' insane?!'
'Who the bloody hell are you?'
I asked her in shock. 'I am you:
The part that you have been abusing
Completely mistreating, beating, and misusing
And I'm here to knock some sense into you'
'What do you mean?' I demanded
'What'd I ever do to you?
All I know is you look like me
And you come out of nowhere to scream at me
Looking all beat up, black 'n blue!'
Then said she most patiently
'I'm your ego, your inner child
I am who you hate when you hate yourself
And I'm who you have condemned to hell
By not seeing yourself as worthwhile.
'You needn't be so hard on yourself
For you are not a bad person
You are empathetic, kind, and caring
Your heart and soul you don't mind sharing
With others and you need to learn this lesson.'
'Oh please' I scoffed. 'I am not kind
I'm quick to anger; a real moody bitch
I take my bad moods out on others
Even when I know not to
I'm surprised that most people don't just give up and ditch!'
My ego shook her head forcefully
'Yet when it comes down to brass tacks
You are there for people when all else refuse
You stand up for those who've been trampled and used
You can't bear to see friends or strangers taking unnecessary crap'
Before I could interrupt, she continued
'You are a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on
You offer that of yourself to whomever should need you
You don't care whether or not they know you
You just want to make sure no one is ever alone.'
By that time I'm not so eager to speak my mind
I hear her words, but am still filled with doubt
'What you see isn't what everyone else sees'
She told me softly and gently
'Your good qualities make you quite a knockout'
And then right before my eyes
Her bruises faded away.
Sitting right next to me now
Is a gorgeous woman with a lovely glow
And I found myself at a loss of what to say.
'Do you see?' she questioned me
'Do you understand? Do you get it now?
This is what those who love you see
And this is why they will not leave
This is the vision that your character shows
'Of course you have your flaws,' she continued
'Every human being makes mistakes.
Your shortcomings don't make you a failure
They only make you try harder
So stop thinking that imperfection makes you a fake.
'Start seeing yourself as something beautiful
A healthy bit of self-love is your string of life
And it's a string you need to stop cutting
So stop drowning in your self-loathing
And just move on for the sake of Christ!'
And with that said, she disappeared
But I could still hear her in my head
'This change does not happen overnight
But you had better lay off the self-beatings
Or else we'll have another public meeting
And even more people will just think that you're completely daft!'
And by the stares of everyone else
I realized I'd indeed been talking quite loudly to myself.