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A Day In the Life of An Addict
This is one I wrote when I was in a mind-numbing state of addiction. My life was an empty ritual. Nothing had any meaning. I felt like my humanity was lost. Things have changed, but I still have nights like this.
Here I sit, and the chemical blend ignites in my hand. Burning toxic fumes, inhaled into my lungs. As I breathe in, I attempt to spawn any remnant of the passion I once held dear. Exhale slowly the poisonous waste. Tonight I place ink on this paper. Tomorrow, I will rise before the sun, to further feed the gluttony of my great nation.
I will swallow my pill, red or blue. Dressing to impress, I will determine which color serves my taste for the day. 76% robotic, methodically following my rising ritual. 24% human, tears will form briefly in my eyes as I recall feeling long past.
Arrive at my place of profession, waiting for my life force to take effect. My morning starts with flare and calm confidence, progressing ominously into a sense of despair and dread. My blood will begin to boil.
Smoke in my lungs, soothing me momentarily. The lighted hours tick by and the sun takes its leave. Return to my place of residence, my mind racing. My thoughts wander back through time. Why did she leave me without cause? Why was I not enough? Why do I fail at everything? Tonight……, I write…..
Backwards progression; repetition of history
Upward battle; always one step forward and two leaps back
Downward spirals; eyes closed, mouth open.
Forward march; into the chaos!
Left behind; do what you do best, without me
Right choice? You seemed to think so..
Connecting the dots. Riddle me that, riddle me this. A puzzle unsolved. An unanswered wish.
I need freedom.
Freedom of expression.
Expression on my face.
Face my fears.
My fears are prominent.
© copyright Ben D.A 2010