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A Father's Quandary

Updated on February 3, 2011

What is to be done...

about the face thats part mine...

looking back at me...

reminding me of the flaws I can't fix...

repeated in his genes...

watching him struggle...

in ways I'd forget...

if my soul would ever let me...

seeing him live the life I would wish...

not chased by the demons I know...

what am I to feel...

its not fair...

though its just...

heaven knows it is right...

to know that he doesn't...

know what I know...

not near as much darkness inside...

I find in his riddle prone tongue...

I'm convicted...

especially as I write these lines...

not a few...

knowing that even as I speak plainly...

or as plain as I can...

I may not get through to you...

knowing that it probably isn't your fault...

a flaw given at birth not transcended...

now what do I do...

raising the self that I am not...

over coming myself...

and my mini.

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    • maven101 profile image

      maven101 

      7 years ago from Northern Arizona

      Still reaching, my friend..I sincerely hope that you grab that reality you seek...Larry

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 

      7 years ago

      I look back at the flaws in my family, my father especially and knowing that I inherited his genes and that the cycle in some ways still lingers with me in my soul.

      I hide my face in shame for some of the paths I walked as a young man and yet feel so blessed to have been left with scars so that I could have developed into the person I am today.

      I felt this piece, it struck a cord.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 

      7 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Compelling and thought-provoking.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR

      Jaggedfrost 

      7 years ago

      Malin you are welcome as always

      2young2know, you may not have been talking to me but thanks for stopping by.

    • 2young2know profile image

      2young2know 

      7 years ago from Lindon

      Perhaps, hillrider, your passage was more for me. My trust in Father has not been so easy as the father figures in my life have not been completely trust worthy. So although I was taught of our Father's divine perfection, it has been hard for me to remember that He cannot lead me astray, nor do anything that could hurt me physically or spiritually. I have denied Him of his attempts for relief and nourishment because of this, but your words have helped me open more to the infinite goodness He possesses.

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR

      Jaggedfrost 

      7 years ago

      Hill rider as all things emulate the divine I am not sure how to answer you. My concept of father is as one who has passed were we are and has a perfect memory of it. How long ago that was almost makes no difference.

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 

      7 years ago

      I personally am so happy that I did not pass my "flaws" onto my sons. This was so well written Jaggedfrost, shows a different side to you, as a Loving parent...thanks for letting us see.

    • hillrider profile image

      hillrider 

      7 years ago from Mid-west United States

      JFrost, is that to mean it only has the aspect of literal interpretation or is this subject to personal interpretation? I ask because while I certainly see a human father looking at a son, unburdened by the sheer volume of thoughts and images constantly leading him in ten million directions, all simultaneously. The frailty of the human father is seeing these as weaknesses.

      The very success noted IN your poem in these lines

      "seeing him live the life I would wish...

      not chased by the demons I know..."

      When we rely on our Father, as this child does his human father to provide relief of frailty, nourishment and comfort. When we trust as this child does in his human father based on faith, we get the same peace this child will when we live our days.

      The blessedness of youth is reliance and trust upon another to care for our every need, when these are fulfilled properly as GOOD father's do, well, children live blessed lives. They become loving and caring people and develop stronger bonds with the world and all that their Heavenly Father has rightly prepared for them. This is when the blessings of the Father are passed onto the child we are.

      We adults (parents)have that SAME ability to trust our Father to move the same mountains children expect human parents to. It isn't that a human father can't move a mountain, he is just limited by his humanity. Our Father is limited only by our belief that He CAN move mountains, and that He will when we ask.

      Now if I can let me ask something else ...

      IF you WERE going to move a mountain for your child. As a father this would be a significant event. Memorable even, so much so you would want it captured somehow so your child would remember that forever and always have a reference. Correct ?

      Sacrificing your only son for the benefit of ALL future children, so each one could always be cared for by you and your love. What a monumental, dare I say a mountain in fact of dedication and effort. Do you think we remember that he say's in ALL things turn to Him, nope.

      Now imagine if your child sat up night worrying how your electric bill was gonna get paid. Fretted and got ulcers and sickened himself...all while you had plenty of money in the bank to cover all his needs and ANYTHING he wants too.

      Now you may understand why (in my opinion) this is not simply a mortal piece, if you consider how we must make our Father feel...

      Men have moved mountains since man discovered gunpowder. Our Father created the mountains ...

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR

      Jaggedfrost 

      7 years ago

      Yes, this is a mortal piece.

    • hillrider profile image

      hillrider 

      7 years ago from Mid-west United States

      I see a loving and caring Father, who sees the imperfections He created in His children, wishing for a way to help them to overcome those frailties. Luckily our Father is and was capable of doing so, wasn't He ...

    • Jaggedfrost profile imageAUTHOR

      Jaggedfrost 

      7 years ago

      thank you nan and No Clue for your visit and consideration.

    • No_Clue profile image

      No_Clue 

      7 years ago

      this is an intense piece...well chosen words with a powerful message...

    • profile image

      Nan 

      7 years ago

      It's good that you can write about your sorrow and problems.

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