A GUIDE TO SUCCESS IN LIFE-PART 1

Fellow hubbers and other readers my reputation for being a klutz is legendary. In this series I will do my best to enlighten you why that reputation has been totally earned and I hope you enjoy the tales of my ineptitude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver.

I have a light fixture in my bathroom that I’m going to have to tear down and replace because I’ve tried every device known to man to try to remove a screw in the side of the fixture just to replace the light bulb, I hate to use the 4-bulb vanity with very over-priced bulbs when the fixture works just fine under most circumstances with a fluorescent replacement for an iridescent bulb that only uses about 12 watts to give the same amount of light as a 60 watt iridescent. Add to that the fixture doubles as an exhaust blower and heater and you can plainly see it is a priceless piece of hardware the no home should be without!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Hitting your finger dead center with a hammer is always a physically painful experience but my aim for my finger with any type of hammer is akin to William Tell shooting apples off his son’s head. I always injure myself with a hammer and any other small hand tool. Unfortunately if others are present the physical pain is greatly multiplied by embarrassment and I tend to take my anger from that embarrassment out on anyone close to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

During the time of my marriage I was always trying do-it-yourself projects. I always ended up injuring myself in various ways and I always took it out on my ex-wife verbally. It got so bad that she would leave the house whenever she saw me go for the toolbox. I was a real horse’s ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

First I will cite a negative example showing true stupid behavior. When I was about 12 years old I had a watch that had stopped running. I had gotten the stupid idea that all it needed was a good cleaning. I had a set of jeweler’s tools that I had obtained from my Grandpa Whitworth’s estate and came up with the idiotic idea that I could clean it myself.

 

I took out the very small jewelers screwdriver and pried the bezel off the watch and parts and springs went flying pell mell and the watch was placed in an envelope to age where as far as I know it still resides!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Next I will cite a positive example showing a stupid idea that turned out very well. When I was a very young lad of about 5 years of age I used to fire the old coal furnace that heated our home in Moundsville on Meighan Avenue.  This was a chore I performed on a regular basis both last thing at night and first thing in the morning. One night I either got inspired or just got lazy, but for whatever reason I decided to toss a huge chunk of coal into the firebox!!!!

Guess what my laziness paid off in spades and the next morning the house was still very warm and when I went to the basement to refire the furnace that huge lump was still quite large and smoldering. All I needed to do to create the morning heat was break up that huge lump and add normal sized coal to the furnace and it was blazing for the morning until noon and the house was warm and cozy as a bug in a rug!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I truly hope you can get a small chuckle from my legendary Klutzhood. If so let me know and I have further klutz incidents to relate in future installments, My ineptitude knows absolutely no limits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!