A Tale of Louis and Judy's Blood Making
Alice Cooper would be proud of this warning and preface
This is a hub about blood, bleeding and bloodshed. As much as I love the two literary geniuses, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and Stephen King, I think that by me applying a non-structured, non disciplined style to my writing that I might be as good as these two giants of the written word.
And the dominant reason: I just wanted to be remembered by my followers, Christy, Camille, and Matt on Team HubPages for being "one of the most unusual and gothically-creative hubber of all time," as one of them might whisper at a Sunday brunch thrown by another trusted HubPages employee. P.S. who neglected to send "me" an invitation.
The roots of this piece
Louis Gene Price was a tough, hard-working American man with a mostly-devoted wife, Judy. They had two unique children: Dominique and Paula. Both were good students and loved various hobbies that most unique teens appreciate. The strange thing about Dominique and Paula was not their mysterious ability in making their hands bleed at will, but not the least bit rebellious--obedient to the point of prompting people to ask are these children for real.
Sure, both children were real, good looking, and neat. It was not their doing to have the gift of making their hands bleed that came from their dad and mom. These kids did have the ability to be discreet about their abnormality where as their dad and mom were always ready for a good "blood show" at parties and (some) family get togethers
"Dogged if that Louis and Judy ain't the darnedest things I ever seed," (sic) their uncle Jamus from Fulton County, Georgia would say to other relatives especially when he had been nipping the liquor a bit too frequently.
Keeping up family images
Louis and Judy worked hard at looking and acting like an American family with too much debt, stress, and having a few ulcers for their trouble. Even having their family doctor, Dr. Newton Grayson, give them a complete physical check-up every three months like clockwork. And with each repetitive check-up, it was the same diagnosis: normal, tip-top physical shape including perfect blood pressure.
"Personally, I think these two are "check-up addicts," remarked Dr. Grayson one morning while having breakfast with a few colleagues. "It's the most-remarkable thing to me. Having Louis and Judy sitting in my waiting room every three months for a check-up that is really a waste of their time and mine, but hey, I make dough from their addiction. Does that make me a check-up pusher?" "Besides, new Ranger bass boats are not cheap."
Where it began
I know that you are dizzy with wonderment about where and how the gift of making body parts bleed at will came from. Okay. As near as I can tell you, Louis and Judy's eerie gift can be traced back to Jennatop, Ireland, where his great, great uncle Patrick "Ram Head" O'Toole, made grand coin doing his bleeding act in pubs and homes that invited him to bleed for their entertainment.
Patrick was a bachelor and never married. "Why should I give of meself to make these coin only to cut a wife into my getting?" was a statement a genealogy expert found on an old family birth chain document who was searching Louis' family tree years before Louis married Judy.
Now you are asking how did Judy get the gift of making her body parts bleed just like Louis? I knew that you were shrewd readers, so here is your answer: Louis' family had a secret ceremony that said if the husband was willing to share his gift of body bleeding, all he had to do was light a ceremonial candle, only one of its kind, on a night when the moon is half-full and the wind is up and chilly. The husband takes his new bride in his arms at 10:00 p.m. in a quiet room and chants a Price family saying that goes back to the Cork and Stone Battles of before Ireland was recognized as a nation.
When the chant is finished, the couple kiss and the wife is tested to see if she has the received the gift of blood making at all. Judy did receive her gift from Louis with no problem
I am not stating here or behind your backs that Louis, Judy, Dominique or Paula were completely perfect. I may do a great impression of Danny Glover both talking and walking, but I am not dumb to the point of making a statement like that.
But on one occasion, Louis did get reprimanded at his workplace for participating in a ghastly display of causing his hands and knees start bleeding on a dare from Mark Redford (no relation to Robert), a jealous coworker who had no gifts such as the one that Louis possessed.
Louis' hands and knees bled so much that his boss, a one Mr. Becker, had to summon "Mr. Johnny," an elderly black man who served as the company janitor. No. Becker was not racist. He just wanted to help "Mr. Johnny," who only had his sizeable pension from the IK&W Railroad to live on. If anything can be given as a label to Becker it was being so helpful he might be seen as stupid.
Was this hub as good as the writings of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and Stephen King?
Is this boorish? You be the judge
But in a country where thrill-starved crowds fork over hard-earned quarters at state fairs to see calves with two heads and snakes with three tails, then a family with the gift of blood making should not be that terrible. And certainly not fodder for sweaty nightmares.
I will, to be honest, to allow my conscience to be clear, tell you about one humiliating incident that caused a romantic interlude between Louis and Judy to become a laugh-fest. All of the conditions were perfect. Both enjoyed a fine dinner, the best of wine and music and then the journey to the bed chamber. From that point, details are blurry, but what I can share is that no sooner than Louis had begun his role in the passionate encounter, his knees, hands, and now his feet all burst into gushing fountains of red blood staining the silk sheets and saturating Judy's body, hair and face.
Louis, desperately trying to gain control of the embarrassing moment said, "I am sorry, Judy, my love. This has never happened to me before."
Judy only smiled and whispered, "do not worry, Louis. It could only happen to a special man like you." She went further to tell him about an embarrassing moment that she had at the market a week back. It seems that she was standing in line with a buggy loaded down with food and really not thinking of her responsibility to keep her blood making gift under control and when the cashier, a slow-thinking high school girl, seemingly became slower and slower in checking out each customer, Judy lost her temper and in mere moments, blood was up the ankles of herself along with other customers.
Louis and Judy both had a good laugh of relief and dozed off holding each other in their arms.
© 2016 Kenneth Avery