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A Gift on Mother's Day

Updated on March 20, 2012

In the softness of Spring

A Spring Day
A Spring Day | Source

Reflections

I enjoy watching you walk barefoot over the lawn in your casual slacks and short sleeved shirt. Stopping momentarily under the large oak tree, where the snowdrops are now in their second stage of bloom. I can see that you enjoyed the soft gentle aroma that exuded from tight white buds. The yellow flowering heads of the daffodil, and primulas peeping from under the growing black thorn bushes that surround the garden. Bright pink ringlets hang by a thread from the red current bushes that are almost in tune, gently swaying in the spring time breeze. I want to fetch you a hat as your face begins to colour from being exposed to the sun light. Yet, there is an ethereal beauty about you today, a calmness that I haven’t noticed for some time. As you move from child to adult, your disposition in tune with each one, I count my blessings that I have you in my life.

“Why don’t you play some lazy jazz, ..... or maybe some beautiful blues for us. I will fetch your saxophone hunnie?” You turn and smile, and again I notice the sorrow in your eyes. You quietly nod your head and roll into the hammock secured between the two tall ash trees near the garden gates. Our grandson lies peacefully between your legs and you gently hum a lullaby to send him to sleep. I can see that you are getting older. The jet black hair now dotted with grey, but you are still the most handsome man that I have ever seen.

“Leave the music for a little while darling, I will play when we have eaten. Come let me kiss those gentle lips that I savour like a rich port on a cold winters evening.” I gently laugh and I never could resist your smile. I bend my head to gently meet your lips, but you feel cold.

“Shall I fetch you a blanket?” I touch your arm and can feel the goose bumps on your flesh. You turn your head and smile, “stop worrying, I am fine”.

The children are laughing now, as my son in law is the one to seek and find in this game of tag. I can see the black scarf gently tied around his eyes, as he walks gingerly forwards swinging his arms from side to side.

“Fe fo fi FUM, I smell the blood of an Englishman,” he laughs when he hears the children squeal with fright. They dash in and out of the flower beds, each one of them taking it in turns to poke John as he continues to play the game. It is Nancy that is caught first, and I laugh as I hear her squeal with glee, as her daddy takes her in his arms and twirls her around and around.

I gaze in your direction to see if you have noticed that the bar -be -que coals are now at the temperature to start cooking, but your head is turned and I know you are sleeping. I place the chicken and ribs on the tray above the coals, and jump backwards, a little startled as the hissing noise from the meat suddenly sounds so loud.

I look for you to come and pour the wine, looking forward to hearing you recite the history of the grape as you always do, but still you are quiet.

I won’t disturb you, you have been immersed in your life just recently, and for some reason unknown to me, I cannot get close. All I can do is remember, and hope for close times again.

“Mum, you go and sit down and relax, today is your day. It is Mother’s Day; I will take care of the food.” I reach up and kiss John’s cheek grateful for his offer. He squeezes my hand as I turn away to sit on the lounger on the patio.

I am reading a book by my favourite author, Christina Jones. She writes with such humour, and being a Lancashire Lass, just like me, she writes with a terminology so familiar, and yet, now lost to me.

I can feel the chill in the air now and wonder if I should fetch a cardigan for myself. I glance in your direction knowing that you will be smiling at me now, but you are not there. As panic takes hold and twists my heart until I scream, I notice my book is on the floor. Tears spill over my eye lashes, gently at first and then with such a rush of emotion as to resemble water falling from the top of a waterfall. I had been dreaming.

“I miss you, oh my God, how I miss you.” My shoulders are full of tension and the arms I feel holding me securely from side to side, are my own. In the depth of my sorrow I felt joy, but all I feel now is pain and loneliness. Were you ever real; why did you have to go away?”

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    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Maria, I often wonder where would I be without you in my life. No one since my Stan passed away knows me as well as you do. We have journeyed long and often into each others hearts, and that is where you will always be. Love you hunnie. :)

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Dear Net,

      This piece is rife with emotion and laced with the losses you have been experiencing. It is descriptive and richly symbolic.

      Hoping your writing is bringing you some healing and catharsis. Your words are flowing freely.

      Voted UP & AB. Love you, Maria

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Martie, you are the forever seeing eye and understand me so well. A secret could never be held away from that beautiful mind of yours. Thank you for your wise words of comfort. xx

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Rosemay, this was a difficult write, and didn't finish the way that I had intended it to. Of course I miss my mom as we all do, but the gentleman I was referring to, has also moved on. So it was a tale of double sorrow. Thank you for your support hunnie and kind words of love and friendship. xx

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      6 years ago from South Africa

      Annette, are we not all - the most of us - yearning for that perfect happiness and for that mind-blowing love we never have had the opportunity to enjoy?

      But to be realistic... love is much more romantic and passionate in our minds as it is in real life....

      In real life we quickly get use to what we have...

      Love is like a drug - the brain release chemicals that are as strong as cocaine when we are in love, and by the time we are over the infatuation-stage, it simply means our bodies got used to the amount of chemicals, and then we need more and more to experience the kick... and so we start to fantasize... Very few people are happy with what they have.... they get bored and tend to seek fault in one another... yearning for more and better....

      We humans!

      Voted up and touching :)

    • Rosemay50 profile image

      Rosemary Sadler 

      6 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

      Oh Net this is so heart wrenching, it brought tears to my eyes. Such a gentle telling from the heart until you wake to reality. No words can ease your pain I know, but sending the biggest hugs your way.

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Hi Donna, how are you hunnie? Thank you so much for stopping by to leave me a lovely comment. We all miss our mums don't we? It doesn't get any easier as we get older, but our memoires keep us going. :)

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Kiru, thank you so much for the encouraging comment. From you hunnie, making you feel teary is such a huge compliment. :)

    • The Frog Princess profile image

      The Frog Princess 

      6 years ago from Florence area of the Great Pee Dee of South Carolina

      Blue Star. A beautiful piece of work. Coming from the heart and soul even makes it better. I miss my mom but speak to her daily in prayers. Have a wonderful day. Hugs.

      Donna

    • kirutaye profile image

      kirutaye 

      6 years ago from London, UK

      This is so beautiful and got me teary. Well written and thanks for sharing it. :)

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Good morning froggy, I am so sorry that my writing stirred up a few painful memories, maybe the hug I am sending will ease the pain :) Thank you for the encouraging comment.

    • The Frog Prince profile image

      The Frog Prince 

      6 years ago from Arlington, TX

      Nettie - That was painful reading that for personal reasons.

      Great writing.

      The Frog

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Hi Ruby, how are you hunnie? There is a lot going on in my life at the moment, a difficult time, but I am hanging in. Hope you are keeping fine my friend. I am so behind in answering comments and reading hubs, that I feel really guilty. Thank you for your concern and support. :)

    • thebluestar profile imageAUTHOR

      Annette Donaldson 

      6 years ago from Northern Ireland

      Hi Stu, thank you for stopping by to read hunnie. Long time no hear lol

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Oh annette, I hope this is just a fiction write, if not, i felt your pain..Wonderful..Hugs.

    • must65gt profile image

      must65gt 

      6 years ago

      wonderfully written and filled with emotion. Geat hub and voted up my friend

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