A Glimpse of Childhood and the beginning of my DID
An Explicit Glimpse of Childhood and the Beginning of my DID
“A Glimpse of Childhood the beginning of my DID ” Authored by Monica Ortega
Well, it has been a couple of weeks since I have written: I know some have questioned my views but want to elaborate that my views is of the view of a patient being me with this disease. Also, I see from a families point of view because I could see what my illness has done to my family, adopted family. Not only that I have been given the opportunity to counsel others and their families who always have loved ones with this same mental illness.
DID is a disorder that is learned at a very young age. When a child such as me has experienced a torturous, traumatic experience in childhood in order not to feel the traumatic experience’s my mind was able to create a world. This world would allow me to be someone else and escape the realities of what was truly happening to me. Personalities are created to take the brunt of the abuse that I was not able to handle. They helped me to cope by going away mentally. DID-Dissociative Identity Disorder to this day, I am still trying to learn how to cope with everyday life without feeling so stressed or overwhelmed with back flashes, that my body breaks down feeling as a child and letting my other personalities take over. It is very hard.
Many people do different things to help cope with life but in reality not many of us are able to cope with traumas because naturally, traumas are things we are not prepared for they are misfortunes in life that may sooner or later require counsel with clergy, psychologist or other sources of counsel there is so much out there depending on the situation.
Ok, now let’s get to some of my childhood…I was molested vaginally at the age of 2 ½ - 3 by my step-father and raped by the age of 7yrs old this continued my whole life until the age of 12 years. My brothers and myself where all brutally beaten physically with sticks, whips, ropes whatever he could get his hands on. We were burned, our dad used to get off by turning on the gas stove, while we would scream for dear life and try our hardest to get away we couldn’t he was to strong…he’d then take my hands and place them over the flames so I could feel the burning, during these times I would go away in my mind and I was someone else in another place, playing until it was over, but when it was over I was usually in my bed or in a closet crying not knowing why but realized I had been abused because I could see marks, feel pain, and see my brothers who also had gone through what I had gone through. We had been stripped and naked thrown into the bath tubs being immersed underwater so we could feel the feelings of what it was liked to be gasping for air and swallowing water, drowning…
The torture of it all is that this abuse was done to my brothers and me on a daily basis, sick things. Our dad was so sick he used to even buy us a puppy or a kitten and then let us get close to the animal which wasn’t hard. He would then place us all in a room with that poor little pup or kitty and then make us sit there and watch him kill it in front of us. He would tie a rope around its neck and hang it until we watched it die. As children, we would cry and weep feeling so helpless and scared. Following any abuse and torture we were always reminded, “if any of you every tell anybody anything about what daddy does, “I will kill you! Of course because of the beatings and relentless abuse we truly believed him.
What I have spoken so far is nothing…absolutely nothing! We lived in corners most our lives, standing, noses to the wall…We were all so afraid to die…he loved making us play Russian Roulette with real guns to scare the crap out of us. We were like rooster’s put into a ring having to beat the living hell out of each other, but the object was to make each other bleed and losing was not an option whoever lost get beat up by him. This used to hurt me so much because I had to hurt my brothers and I would cry because I did not want to hurt them. My dad would tell me if I didn’t hurt them that he was going to hurt me.
You may be asking where the hell was mom. Well, mom tried to stop him but then we would only sit there and watch him beat the crap out of her till she could no longer get up. I learned more and more how to switch and be someone else to get away mentally and avoid the torture, and abuse especially being the only girl, the sexual abuse at night. I have approximately 30 or more personalities that can to this day take over at any time leaving me not knowing where, what, or how I have found myself where I have with absolutely no memory. See my personalities act out continuously in order to protect me from unwanted experiences or to protect others from when my feelings become overwhelmed for another that I may feel is in danger. There is so much more to tell, but for now my goal is to do what I can not only as a patient, but also as a future doctor to help protect children and counsel abused children and their families. Multiple Personalities is a way of coping with traumatic abusive situations as children and even into adulthood in order to survive the world around us. It can take years and years of counsel and even medications to help with this mental disorder that in most situations last’s a lifetime.