A Look Into My Life Raising My Children Alone

© 2015 Missy Smith

Life as we all know it or most of us know it, are to be born, grow up, go to school, become adults, get married, have kids, and carry out our lives this way. I mean, that is what most of us are programed to do. Even so, in the midst of growing up and doing all these things that you are told is normal life, some of us at a young age just know that it may not be the path for us. It’s not a logical way to think really; we are all different, and as it is the familiar way of life, some of us are not that typical.

Thus, is where I come into this form of thinking about life. I knew at a young age, that it was expected of me to find this type of lifestyle, but I never was sure I wanted it. Actually, I think I knew it wouldn’t happen quite that way for me, even if I did decide to want it. Nevertheless, knowing that this is all I was being taught and being the introvert I was; I went with the program in front of me. My parents, god bless them, weren’t the most positive when it came to encouragement. They grew up in the 40s and 50s, both in a state of poverty with a few other siblings, and unfortunately, this carried over when they met and married. We didn’t have a lot, and we were taught not to expect or ask for much. Therefore, I think I gave up pretty early in life. I started getting bad grades by the time I hit high school, dropped out in the Eleventh grade, got a General-Education Diploma, moved out with my boyfriend who was nine years older than me, and my life went from there.

Wasn’t this normal? Well, almost... All except for marriage, I settled down into a so-called normal life. The first seven-year relationship was brutally bad, and I finally got out. Then, I met my daughter’s dad, and even though we had some ups and downs, we knew we loved each other, and for the most part, got along fine. Until, that one faithful day eight years into our romance and a lovely daughter later, he decided it was over. And so, off I went again, not alone this time, but with a beautiful baby girl. My son came along through a short relationship a few years later, and it’s been them and I ever since.

Life has been hard; it's not perfect. I’ve lived a life that many would say is not the common way, but as I said in the start of this, I knew my life wouldn’t be common. Although, it’s common in many ways, lord knows I’m not the only single parent in the world; I know this, but I'm referring to how I chose to live as a parent with my children, I believe that is what most would consider an uncommon, maybe even a selfish way. In my eyes, it should be looked at with respect, but my grandma was the only one who seemed to give me that prop. She understood, as she was from a different era the importance of family togetherness. The importance of a parent's presence. These days, it’s sad to say few seem to have those values anymore.

I kept working for a while until my son was born, then I made the decision to fight for child support from the fathers, so I could make a way to stay with them most of the time. I could not see never being with them, partaking in every aspect of their lives, when the fathers had already jumped ship in that area. I could not do it. I did not want to. So, I fought for child support, and I have made a way to be with my kids as they grow up.

It hasn’t been easy, but if I’m honest, I think the way I have chosen was the best way for us. Of course, I know some do not get lucky with child-support payments, and they can’t make themselves settle with a humble lifestyle. In this day and time, it seems we feel inferior when we do not have the big house or new car to brag about, and the career. I’m not like that. Yes, I believe I get judged for it, but I just don’t care. What I do care about is being the best mom I can until my kids are old enough not to need me anymore.

The below poems are odes to my daughter and son. They express some memories and feelings I have for each of them. This is written to show my pride in parenting. It is written to show the importance of being alright with not having a common lifestyle. It’s acceptable to make the choice to just live the way you see fit and be happy in that way; you do not have to be one of the Joneses or do you have to work so hard that you forget your life and family in order to try to keep up with the so-called Joneses.

I’m not always smiling, but I smile when I look at my children and their accomplishments thus far. I smile because I know I actually had a part in that!

© 2015 Missy Smith

A hard entrance

into this world,

my curly headed

wonder girl.

She’s my precious

little china doll.

From my womb

came a pure Zen.

Skin so frail, a

mother’s jewel,

she could cast

a sparkle spell

on you.

One look a hook

of pride. I feel

the beam of

heaven’s joy.

Boasting beads of

pain and sweat,

my tears that flow

with no regret.

Petite in her

childhood days

she stands out

in this world in

many ways.

Grabbing my heart

strings as I watch

her grow, learning

my ways as she

moves along.

Grasping her own

personality through

these years with

sprinkles of her

mom still laced

within.

She’s a young lady

now, not far from

gone into this

world all on her

own.

Hold on tight baby

girl, your life has

just begun. Continue

to unfurl and have

some fun.

You were born for

greatness, it was

easy to see, now

go out in this great

big world and just

Be…

© 2015 Missy Smith

I always wanted

a son like you,

a vibrant beauty

wrapped in blue.

They carried you

to me and the first

thing I said, was

you look just like

me; I'm so glad.

Skin so smooth

a perfect little

mouth, a chubby

little baby to

nuzzle to my

chest.

A happy little

toddler indeed,

you liked trains,

planes, and all

the fleeting boy

things.

I watched you

grow; I watched

you learn; I still

can't believe

Spongebob was

your first word.

Yes, my boy, you

are unique, and

you carry many

blessings from

your mommy.

You continue to

grow so big, so

fast, sometimes

I just stare at you

so the memory

will last.

I know one day

you will be a

man; no more

mama's boy

tagging onto

my leg.

And I know you

will make me

proud someday

with whichever

roads and paths

you take.

Just be happy

and live your

dreams. Travel

the world and

be at peace.

Take each day,

fill it with aspirations

that reach to the

sky across the nation.

Just go out in this

great big world and

carry with you your

own sense of self-worth.