A Look Into My Life Raising My Children Alone
My thought bubble...
Life as we all know it or most of us know it, are to be born, grow up, go to school, become adults, get married, have kids, and carry out our lives this way. I mean, that is what most of us are programed to do. Even so, in the midst of growing up and doing all these things that you are told is normal life, some of us at a young age just know that it may not be the path for us. It’s not a logical way to think really; we are all different, and as it is the familiar way of life, some of us are not that typical.
Thus, is where I come into this form of thinking about life. I knew at a young age, that it was expected of me to find this type of lifestyle, but I never was sure I wanted it. Actually, I think I knew it wouldn’t happen quite that way for me, even if I did decide to want it. Nevertheless, knowing that this is all I was being taught and being the introvert I was; I went with the program in front of me. My parents, god bless them, weren’t the most positive when it came to encouragement. They grew up in the 40s and 50s, both in a state of poverty with a few other siblings, and unfortunately, this carried over when they met and married. We didn’t have a lot, and we were taught not to expect or ask for much. Therefore, I think I gave up pretty early in life. I started getting bad grades by the time I hit high school, dropped out in the Eleventh grade, got a General-Education Diploma, moved out with my boyfriend who was nine years older than me, and my life went from there.
Wasn’t this normal? Well, almost... All except for marriage, I settled down into a so-called normal life. The first seven-year relationship was brutally bad, and I finally got out. Then, I met my daughter’s dad, and even though we had some ups and downs, we knew we loved each other, and for the most part, got along fine. Until, that one faithful day eight years into our romance and a lovely daughter later, he decided it was over. And so, off I went again, not alone this time, but with a beautiful baby girl. My son came along through a short relationship a few years later, and it’s been them and I ever since.
Life has been hard; it's not perfect. I’ve lived a life that many would say is not the common way, but as I said in the start of this, I knew my life wouldn’t be common. Although, it’s common in many ways, lord knows I’m not the only single parent in the world; I know this, but I'm referring to how I chose to live as a parent with my children, I believe that is what most would consider an uncommon, maybe even a selfish way. In my eyes, it should be looked at with respect, but my grandma was the only one who seemed to give me that prop. She understood, as she was from a different era the importance of family togetherness. The importance of a parent's presence. These days, it’s sad to say few seem to have those values anymore.
I kept working for a while until my son was born, then I made the decision to fight for child support from the fathers, so I could make a way to stay with them most of the time. I could not see never being with them, partaking in every aspect of their lives, when the fathers had already jumped ship in that area. I could not do it. I did not want to. So, I fought for child support, and I have made a way to be with my kids as they grow up.
It hasn’t been easy, but if I’m honest, I think the way I have chosen was the best way for us. Of course, I know some do not get lucky with child-support payments, and they can’t make themselves settle with a humble lifestyle. In this day and time, it seems we feel inferior when we do not have the big house or new car to brag about, and the career. I’m not like that. Yes, I believe I get judged for it, but I just don’t care. What I do care about is being the best mom I can until my kids are old enough not to need me anymore.
The below poems are odes to my daughter and son. They express some memories and feelings I have for each of them. This is written to show my pride in parenting. It is written to show the importance of being alright with not having a common lifestyle. It’s acceptable to make the choice to just live the way you see fit and be happy in that way; you do not have to be one of the Joneses or do you have to work so hard that you forget your life and family in order to try to keep up with the so-called Joneses.
I’m not always smiling, but I smile when I look at my children and their accomplishments thus far. I smile because I know I actually had a part in that!
The song I always sing to my daughter. The chorus part at least. "Brown-Eyed Girl"
My Darling Kiersten
A hard entrance
into this world,
my curly headed
wonder girl.
She’s my precious
little china doll.
From my womb
came a pure Zen.
Skin so frail, a
mother’s jewel,
she could cast
a sparkle spell
on you.
One look a hook
of pride. I feel
the beam of
heaven’s joy.
Boasting beads of
pain and sweat,
my tears that flow
with no regret.
Petite in her
childhood days
she stands out
in this world in
many ways.
Grabbing my heart
strings as I watch
her grow, learning
my ways as she
moves along.
Grasping her own
personality through
these years with
sprinkles of her
mom still laced
within.
She’s a young lady
now, not far from
gone into this
world all on her
own.
Hold on tight baby
girl, your life has
just begun. Continue
to unfurl and have
some fun.
You were born for
greatness, it was
easy to see, now
go out in this great
big world and just
Be…
The song I sing to Parker. The chorus of the song. " Ho Hey"
My Darling Parker
I always wanted
a son like you,
a vibrant beauty
wrapped in blue.
They carried you
to me and the first
thing I said, was
you look just like
me; I'm so glad.
Skin so smooth
a perfect little
mouth, a chubby
little baby to
nuzzle to my
chest.
A happy little
toddler indeed,
you liked trains,
planes, and all
the fleeting boy
things.
I watched you
grow; I watched
you learn; I still
can't believe
Spongebob was
your first word.
Yes, my boy, you
are unique, and
you carry many
blessings from
your mommy.
You continue to
grow so big, so
fast, sometimes
I just stare at you
so the memory
will last.
I know one day
you will be a
man; no more
mama's boy
tagging onto
my leg.
And I know you
will make me
proud someday
with whichever
roads and paths
you take.
Just be happy
and live your
dreams. Travel
the world and
be at peace.
Take each day,
fill it with aspirations
that reach to the
sky across the nation.
Just go out in this
great big world and
carry with you your
own sense of self-worth.
© 2015 Missy Smith