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A Look Into My Life Raising My Children Alone

Updated on September 22, 2016

My thought bubble...

© 2015 Missy Smith

Life as we all know it or most of us know it, are to be born, grow up, go to school, become adults, get married, have kids, and carry out our lives this way. I mean, that is what most of us are programed to do. Even so, in the midst of growing up and doing all these things that you are told is normal life, some of us at a young age just know that it may not be the path for us. It’s not a logical way to think really; we are all different, and as it is the familiar way of life, some of us are not that typical.

Thus, is where I come into this form of thinking about life. I knew at a young age, that it was expected of me to find this type of lifestyle, but I never was sure I wanted it. Actually, I think I knew it wouldn’t happen quite that way for me, even if I did decide to want it. Nevertheless, knowing that this is all I was being taught and being the introvert I was; I went with the program in front of me. My parents, god bless them, weren’t the most positive when it came to encouragement. They grew up in the 40s and 50s, both in a state of poverty with a few other siblings, and unfortunately, this carried over when they met and married. We didn’t have a lot, and we were taught not to expect or ask for much. Therefore, I think I gave up pretty early in life. I started getting bad grades by the time I hit high school, dropped out in the Eleventh grade, got a General-Education Diploma, moved out with my boyfriend who was nine years older than me, and my life went from there.

Wasn’t this normal? Well, almost... All except for marriage, I settled down into a so-called normal life. The first seven-year relationship was brutally bad, and I finally got out. Then, I met my daughter’s dad, and even though we had some ups and downs, we knew we loved each other, and for the most part, got along fine. Until, that one faithful day eight years into our romance and a lovely daughter later, he decided it was over. And so, off I went again, not alone this time, but with a beautiful baby girl. My son came along through a short relationship a few years later, and it’s been them and I ever since.

Life has been hard; it's not perfect. I’ve lived a life that many would say is not the common way, but as I said in the start of this, I knew my life wouldn’t be common. Although, it’s common in many ways, lord knows I’m not the only single parent in the world; I know this, but I'm referring to how I chose to live as a parent with my children, I believe that is what most would consider an uncommon, maybe even a selfish way. In my eyes, it should be looked at with respect, but my grandma was the only one who seemed to give me that prop. She understood, as she was from a different era the importance of family togetherness. The importance of a parent's presence. These days, it’s sad to say few seem to have those values anymore.

I kept working for a while until my son was born, then I made the decision to fight for child support from the fathers, so I could make a way to stay with them most of the time. I could not see never being with them, partaking in every aspect of their lives, when the fathers had already jumped ship in that area. I could not do it. I did not want to. So, I fought for child support, and I have made a way to be with my kids as they grow up.

It hasn’t been easy, but if I’m honest, I think the way I have chosen was the best way for us. Of course, I know some do not get lucky with child-support payments, and they can’t make themselves settle with a humble lifestyle. In this day and time, it seems we feel inferior when we do not have the big house or new car to brag about, and the career. I’m not like that. Yes, I believe I get judged for it, but I just don’t care. What I do care about is being the best mom I can until my kids are old enough not to need me anymore.

The below poems are odes to my daughter and son. They express some memories and feelings I have for each of them. This is written to show my pride in parenting. It is written to show the importance of being alright with not having a common lifestyle. It’s acceptable to make the choice to just live the way you see fit and be happy in that way; you do not have to be one of the Joneses or do you have to work so hard that you forget your life and family in order to try to keep up with the so-called Joneses.

I’m not always smiling, but I smile when I look at my children and their accomplishments thus far. I smile because I know I actually had a part in that!

Kiersten I think she was around 6 years old
Kiersten I think she was around 6 years old | Source
Kiersten in the 5th or 6th grade. I can't remember
Kiersten in the 5th or 6th grade. I can't remember | Source
Kiersten 2015
Kiersten 2015 | Source
Kiersten in her cheerleading outfit. 2015
Kiersten in her cheerleading outfit. 2015 | Source

The song I always sing to my daughter. The chorus part at least. "Brown-Eyed Girl"

My Darling Kiersten

© 2015 Missy Smith


A hard entrance

into this world,

my curly headed

wonder girl.


She’s my precious

little china doll.

From my womb

came a pure Zen.


Skin so frail, a

mother’s jewel,

she could cast

a sparkle spell

on you.


One look a hook

of pride. I feel

the beam of

heaven’s joy.


Boasting beads of

pain and sweat,

my tears that flow

with no regret.


Petite in her

childhood days

she stands out

in this world in

many ways.


Grabbing my heart

strings as I watch

her grow, learning

my ways as she

moves along.


Grasping her own

personality through

these years with

sprinkles of her

mom still laced

within.


She’s a young lady

now, not far from

gone into this

world all on her

own.


Hold on tight baby

girl, your life has

just begun. Continue

to unfurl and have

some fun.


You were born for

greatness, it was

easy to see, now

go out in this great

big world and just

Be…

Source
Parker sleeping on my chest
Parker sleeping on my chest | Source
Parker around age 4 or 5. Not sure.
Parker around age 4 or 5. Not sure. | Source
Parker enjoying life. 2015
Parker enjoying life. 2015 | Source
Parker first day of school 2015
Parker first day of school 2015 | Source

The song I sing to Parker. The chorus of the song. " Ho Hey"

My Darling Parker

© 2015 Missy Smith


I always wanted

a son like you,

a vibrant beauty

wrapped in blue.


They carried you

to me and the first

thing I said, was

you look just like

me; I'm so glad.


Skin so smooth

a perfect little

mouth, a chubby

little baby to

nuzzle to my

chest.


A happy little

toddler indeed,

you liked trains,

planes, and all

the fleeting boy

things.


I watched you

grow; I watched

you learn; I still

can't believe

Spongebob was

your first word.


Yes, my boy, you

are unique, and

you carry many

blessings from

your mommy.


You continue to

grow so big, so

fast, sometimes

I just stare at you

so the memory

will last.


I know one day

you will be a

man; no more

mama's boy

tagging onto

my leg.


And I know you

will make me

proud someday

with whichever

roads and paths

you take.


Just be happy

and live your

dreams. Travel

the world and

be at peace.


Take each day,

fill it with aspirations

that reach to the

sky across the nation.


Just go out in this

great big world and

carry with you your

own sense of self-worth.

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    • swalia profile image

      Shaloo Walia 20 months ago

      I can relate to your struggles as I have been almost in the same boat. After getting divorced, I have single-handedly raised my son and no child support either. Life has been tough at times but I am happy that I have been able to provide a good life to my son.

      You have beautiful children..God bless them!

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 20 months ago from Florida

      Awe, thanks swalia. I worked until my son was born and then when it didn't last with his father either, I made a choice to fight for the child support. I won and receive the support as of now. Thank the lord, because I have taken the simple lifestyle of keeping bills as low as I could and living off the money I receive. I don't find it selfish at all. I never buy or get unnecessary things for myself; I only indulge for the kids on birthdays and Christmas. I know one day the support will go, and I will once again have to go out and work hard, but I'm preparing myself for that, and assume I'll be more than ready to do so. I needed to be with my kids in any way possible. I'm thankful I managed to do that, as long as I have. Thanks again for all the lovely compliments. I wish you and your son many blessings. :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 20 months ago from Shelton

      beautiful children wonderful poetry... is it a struggle? Yes.. but I bet it's so worth it bless you Missy

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 20 months ago from Florida

      Thank you Frank. And the best answer to that question in my experience would be; Yes, I definitely have struggled through making life simple and relaxed for my children. If people from the outside looking in doesn't see my struggle, then I have done my job well, and I'm thankful for that. :)

    • ladyguitarpicker profile image

      stella vadakin 20 months ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

      Your did a great job and you are still young. Been there done this and you are right it is not easy. I raised my 2 kids and then got married to my husband. My daughter was 19 when she moved out of the house and I got married at 45. I have been married 20 years, my grown kids love him. You are only 44 you can change your life. I went to college at 51. I have no degree but loved every minute. Wonderful hub, Best Wishes

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 20 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for haring this part of your life Missy, and the touching tribute to two beautiful children. I loved the slideshow too. You would be a great mom and you can see the kids adore you. A Frank said being a parent, especially a single one, can be a struggle but well worth it. Great hub.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 20 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Missy, Your children are positively exquisite. Their happy, healthy faces are a true testament to your devotion to them as their loving Mom.

      The choices you have made were/are very wise and unselfish. You surely have my wholehearted sanction, as I recall my own single-parenting experiences of decades ago.

      Of course this is all a personal struggle, Missy, but it's clear you are determined and quite aware that the positive results are worth every moment of the journey.

      Life has many secrets and surprises for each of us. Embrace the faith and hope you have in yourself and your precious children and leave your fate to the Universe. I promise you.....many treasures are in store for you... Peace, Paula

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 20 months ago from Florida

      Thank you for the encouraging words ladyguitarpicker. I don't know what the future holds for me, maybe something great. However, right now, I'll just concentrate on my two beauties and be fine with that. Thanks for reading my poems. :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 20 months ago from Florida

      I think I wrote this because I wanted to show that as hard as it has been at times, there are no regrets with my choices. I also wanted to do something for my children. I let both read their poems. I have fans in those two. :) Thanks for the kind words Jodah. :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 20 months ago from Florida

      Your words of kindness move me so much fpherj48. Thank You! I hope I can continue making all the right choices for them, and I can't wait to see them achieve their dreams, which I have no doubt they will one day. That is my goal, I want them to stay positive and achieve their dreams.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 20 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Forgive my strong maternal instincts that always move me to "advise."

      I do understand your words and intentions......there's just one thing (you probably know) As a human MOM, you cannot possibly "always " make the right choices. The key is to nurture the shared love, respect and compassion for one another, so we can look past our mistakes. That goes for kids & parents.

      Remember too Missy, one day you'll have to loosen your hold (as hard as that is) and observe as your children begin to make their OWN choices. Trust me, THAT'S a killer!! LOL But they must and WE can only stand by in support or help when absolutely needed.

      In fact, this is where and when you will clearly see how all your hard work and dedication pays off!!.............

      No matter what anyone ever tells you.....my hope for you is that you come to realize the single-most vital thing we give our children is unconditional love. NOTHING compares.

      It's long been all behind me now and I can see CLEARLY everyday of my life that despite all the things I may have done wrong, all the times I wished I'd have done otherwise.....that unconditional love saved my ass! It was all they ever needed & still do!..............Best of luck.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 20 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      Wonderful poetry lovely children and proud mom.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 20 months ago from Florida

      Thank you Gypsy Rose Lee. They're my life! :)

    • swalia profile image

      Shaloo Walia 20 months ago

      You are a brave woman Missy. You chose to fight for the right of your kids! I wish I had that kind of courage then. I just wanted to be out of the marriage and not asking for child support ensured easy divorce. Anyways, inspite of everything, life has been beautiful because of our kids, isn't it?

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 20 months ago from southern USA

      Dear Missy,

      I am trying to catch up here in my reading ...What beautiful children you have and so happy! You are a wonderful Mom, as it shows in the smiles of your precious children. They both have your beautiful smile.

      My son, at the age of just 21 had full custody of his then two year old daughter and 3 month old daughter, unfortunately, they would have been in harm's way if their mother had them. They were married but he just showed up at our door one day with the girls with his eyes bugging out of his head and saying he had to get them away, sadly ... long story. They wound up living with us for 18 months and then he met the love of his life and married her, and now they have a son together, so I am blessed with three precious grandchildren and another one on the way around the first of the year! Somehow, by the grace of God, we got through the hard times (during that time is when I found out I had cancer) but it was a beautiful blessing in reality that they came to live with us. It is a rare thing for such a young daddy to get full custody, but he did, thank goodness.

      I am proud that my son put his children above all else, just as you have and are doing.

      Hugs and blessings always

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 20 months ago from Florida

      I did leave like that swalia, but then realized that without fighting I would receive no help, and I knew I needed at least financial help if I wanted to be that mom that was there when her children needed her. It's so hard, I feel so sad for the moms that have no help and have to work 2 and 3 jobs to make ends meet. I've been around children who never have their parents around; they basically have to raise themselves. My heart breaks for them. I knew if I didn't fight, my kids may have to live the majority of the time in childcare. I was one of those kids at a very young age, that my parents had to work. I had several different caretakers while they worked, I remember the feeling. Some were alright. Some were nightmares, and I could not see putting my children through that if there was any way out of that.

      Plus, unfortunately, what happens when the parents split up, a lot of times, the fathers or mothers, which ever one it is that leaves the relationship, usually not only leaves the relationship, they leave their children; sad but true. You should fight swalia. You deserve the support. Your child at least deserves that as well. However, I do not know how your situation was, so if you feel it is not necessary, then I can totally understand that. Many Blessings and Take Care! :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 20 months ago from Florida

      Yes, Faith, I have much respect for your son in doing that. I'm glad everything turned out well for you and your family, and I'm happy you see the blessings from the heartaches. It's important to do that, or we just waste away.

      Everyday I'm scared to be honest, and as your son done well finding his new love and life, I have yet to discover mine. However, I'm fine with which ever way the wind blows for me. I have to be. Some do not realize the strength it takes just to stay strong for your children, but I can tell you do, and I thank you always for your kindness in expressing that to me.

      God leads us down the roads he wants us to travel, sometimes you have to pay close attention, but there is a blessing in even the hardest journeys. I know this, and it keeps me going.

      Take care Faith. You are a very strong woman with such a special spirit. :)

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 19 months ago from San Diego California

      You have lovely children and have written truly lovely words about them. I admire single mothers greatly, having been raised by one. The experience will only make you stronger. Great hub!

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 19 months ago from Florida

      Thank you Mel. I would like to think the experience has already made me strong in a lot of ways. :)

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