A MILLION DREAMS - Dreams Do Come True
I Can't Stop Myself.....
I had visions all day of my life running alongside my other "life" and sort of ending up like the movie "Sliding Doors" starring Gwyneth Paltrow. If I look back to my life twenty years ago it could have ended up in two very different scenarios.
A good friend of mine and "life coach" once made me stand outside in my favorite spot in my yard and yell my dreams to the world loudly without thinking. At that point I yelled, "I want to live all over the world, I want to help people, make a living at something I love, have homes in France, England and Rome. I want to sing, write a novel, produce a documentary one day, maybe have a talk show, produce records for children, protect old people from cons and thieves, write a movie like Nora Ephron or Nancy Meyers and publish or showcase my many photographs sitting in about ten boxes! Believe me, there was much more then that but I just can't remember it all!.....ha
Then my friend asked me to plan it all, so I wrote down my "plan" and put everything in columns and tried to decide when I would get to it all. My plan was a good one, but I gave myself way too much to do. I drew a pie diagram on a piece of paper showing my "priorities" in the majority of the pie drawing. Travel, music, writing, photography and family always came up as a bigger chunk of the pie. That's a big pie!!!!!!
I have been to Canada, Paris, Rome and England and I have seen more of England then most people would experience because of family ties there. I lived in Sussex near Paul McCartney for a year and travelled by train to London a lot. I lived in Canada on and off for about five years but never felt attached to it like France and Rome. I rented an apartment in the old city of Rome and fell in love with the city which is usually unlike me because I thrive in a peaceful setting away from chaos. I grew up in the city but now I can't stand the thought of it. I got an offer to model in Paris many years ago after I graduated from highschool and I turned it down to stay close to my elderly father. If I had gone, I never would have married my first husband because he begged me not to leave and I would have been gone for a few years. So I stayed and here I am. Cindy Crawford and the other girl went to Paris without me. I honestly know if I went, I would have stayed in Paris and become a fashion photographer eventually after I tired of modeling which I found really boring. I modeled for Vidal Sassoon for a long time and frankly it made me nauseated but it was good money. I have always wanted to be a fashion photographer, but I was told by an agent "if you want to do that you have to live in New York or Paris. And so it goes......here I am in sunny California photographing all sorts of things I'm interested in or hired for every once in a while.
After I wrote out my plans, my friend the life coach then asked me to look at it all and be the "critic." I looked at the "MILLION DREAMS" that I had written down and he asked me what I saw. I said "this is too much for me to do and I feel overwhelmed!! I can't possibly do all of this and I want everything now! I'm not patient enough for this." He looked at me and smiled because I found my own answer. He then asked me to choose any sort of celebrity or public figure that I can relate to and I chose HOUDINI the magician. Then he asked me why. I said "Because he can disappear whenever he wants to and he can do anything!" Then we both started to laugh because for the moment I felt FREE. The issue was that I never felt "free enough" because of the choices I made in life. My need for stability and a strong family foundation was way more important then traveling the world and becoming Annie Lebovitz or Richard Avedon. I did have dreams of being an actress and singer, but I have already succeeded in those careers enough to where I'm happy about my accomplishments and do not expect any more then that. I never wanted anything more then I already have now and I'm ticking along just like I want to. Making music is close to my heart and I have been fortunate enough to make a living at it and also love what I'm doing. I will continue to make, write and create music the rest of my life because I love it.
Fame to me is like the antichrist because I have seen enough of it to understand how it destroys lives, especially younger people who do not know how to deal with it. The biggest problem I have with fame is losing your privacy and this is something I never want to do. If I could achieve a career and still maintain my private life, that would be bliss. THAT is the hard part, it all comes down to choices. I have been asked to perform in Germany and Paris this Summer and now I'm not so sure I want to juggle everything with the kids yet. I have tried too hard to be here for my daughter until she is of an age where I feel comfortable leaving her a bit more. I have not decided what I want to do yet, so just ticking along until I'm ready.
After my first marriage, I said "I never want to get married again. I want to just have lots of boyfriends (not just one; ha) and concentrate on my career and travel. I had many dates and people asking me out after my divorce. THEN, I "travelled" to England and met my husband now and the rest is history. Things happen for a reason and I have a wonderful family now. This is something I always really wanted more then anything else and now I'm finally seeing how all of my hard work has paid off in my two beautiful, bright children who have already lived in Europe at a young age and know the world is a much bigger place then just California. This is one of the best gifts I could have ever given them and they can choose to live in Europe one day if they want to.
The point of this article is that nomatter how wonderful our lives are, we always wonder what we may have done differently. Although I am extremely happy with my life and achievements it would be interesting to imagine my other life even in my writing. I know that if I ended up in Paris and travelled the world, it is possible that I never would have settled down and had my beautiful children. Part of me is a "wild free bird" who shows her feathers every once in a while but then flies back to the nest to take care of the birdies. For people who know me well, this is when I'm truly happy.
Fun To Dream...AND Make Things Happen...
And so it goes, we all have that other life we could have lived. My life is not over and I have visions of my future and I will one day cover my extensive list that I yelled out one day in my yard looking up at the sky and smelling the ocean nearby. I will channel Houdini and end up in Paris at a moments notice at a VERY cool fashion show with my trusty Canon camera in my GREAT hat and scarf or singing in a place that my father once performed in in the middle of Paris and then "disappear" with lovely Edward the Vampire (who also plays guitar) in the city of Rome where he will pose for me for hours....while I sing in the halls of the Vatican and listen to the awesome echos......ha
Oh yes! We (whoever pops up at the moment) must end up in a lovely old car on the road somewhere like Coco Chanel and her sexy lover (in the newer movie version) looking for the perfect place to land for a picnic, wine and......SO MANY THINGS TO DO!!! ha
A MILLION DREAMS.........
Hub Pages Author - GPAGE
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