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A Mother's Daze
verb 1.To dull the senses, as with a heavy blow, a shock, or fatigue: bedaze, bemuse, benumb, stun, stupefy. 2.To confuse with bright light: bedazzle, blind, dazzle. noun A stunned or bewildered condition: befuddlement, bewilderedness, bewilderment, discombobulation, fog, muddle, mystification, perplexity, puzzlement, stupefaction, stupor, trance.
A Mother's Daze
I have experienced all the above as the mother of three children.
I have suffered fatigue at all stages of their lives from: two o’clock feedings; nighttime fevers; hospital stays; reading and re reading their favorite stories; last-minute notice for cupcakes for school; needed costumes for the next day; trying to sleep while being kicked; curfews met or unmet; and trying to sleep when they move out on their own.
As a mother, I found notes from teachers telling me my child just made their day puzzling and perplexing because I was never informed of what my child actually shared with them or the class. I can safely assume it was their innocence and amusing honesty they were sharing since I was never greeted with a frown or summoned for an explanation, although I am sure there may have been some stifled giggling.
The miracle of the gift of a child; the smiles while they dream; their first real laughter; when they first notice their hands; their ability to forgive my anger; their ability to make me forget why I was angry; and how they survived my parenting skills, still find me mystified and dazzled.
The wisdom of love they shared for others; their curiosity; their ability to sense a need to give a hug; the talent to see potential in an empty box; and how their innocence is full of wisdom; often stunned me.
This is a fitting verse for the discombobulation our household often experienced.
Happiness was once so easy.
My youngest child would sit on my lap in the kitchen, when the two older ones were safely on the bus to school, with her hands on my cheeks looking into my eyes. She would turn my head trying to find the right light that would reflect her image in my eyes. When she found her image she would smile and exclaim with excitement, “Mommy, I see me in your eyes.” We would sit in the quietness of admiring what we saw reflected.
These sometimes tear filled eyes and sometimes laughing eyes I hope reflects back the image of the what is the best part of me and the beauty of the world my children have given me.
A Rose by any other name is just wrong!
A simple outing to my mother's house with my first two children really gave me insight to their need to follow some of the strict guidelines (or so it appeared to them) they were given. I believe every child has called a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle by their first name. And, my children were no different. When they would use first names in addressing me or their father, we told them that was fine but they could never call us Mommy and Daddy again. The same rule applied to their grandparents, aunts and uncles. Their use of first names quickly stopped. My guess is someone named Mommy and Daddy offer greater comfort and they were the only privileged ones allowed to use those names. So, on this drive to see grandparents, aunts and uncles the conversation was about why they have grandparents, aunts and uncles. We were explaining that their grandparents were my mother and father; their aunt and uncles were my brothers and sister. They wanted to know if they would be an aunt or an uncle. We explained: when Kelly would have children they would call Kent "Uncle Kent" and when Kent would have children they would call Kelly "Aunt Kelly" but they would continue to call each other Kelly and Kent. Giggles and excitement followed. Then they wanted to know what they would call me and my reply was "Grandma". Kent without hesitation exclaimed: "NO! They'll call you Mommy"! What a privilege and comfort he was passing on. Or, so I like to believe.
Being a mother has taken my breath away, caused me to hold my breath and given me breath. As their mother, I would give them my last breath if they needed.