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A Poem- I Gave My Belief to a Habit

Updated on August 31, 2021
H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter aka Holly writes prose poetry. She writes about her life experiences as a way to heal and help others that can relate.

Finding my peace... Finding my reality...

Source

My habit was my need- The need that never told me No...

I gave my belief to a habit,

One day, many years ago.

My habit was my need,

The need that never told me no.


It welcomed me with worth,

And a few moments of clarity,

I began to lose myself,

and before I knew it I was lost to reality.


I repeated this nasty habit,

While pretending to be alive,

Everyday I pretended,

As I moved further from my life.


Did I want to stop?

For a while- it never crossed my mind,

Until I looked into a mirror and did not noticed,

The girl behind the blinds.


Your life deserves to be lived

She kind of looked like me,

Although I could not clearly see,

I couldn’t focus on her long enough,

To see if that girl was really me.


I never thought myself to be addicted,

Although I never thought much anyway,

I studied the way people acted,

And taught myself the best way to behave.


Chameleon if you will,

Meant to blend in with everyone else,

Until the day I fell from illusion,

And completely lost myself.


Pretend is the game,

A game I knew the rules to play.

Who really cares if I lost?

No one even knows my real name.


I gave my belief to a habit,

I wore it on my sleeve,

Until my habit took over my soul,

and then my habit wore me.


Lost in desperate times,

I had forgotten how to cry for help,

I suppose if I remembered how,

It would not have change the way I had felt.


Change did not come easy.

It did not come free.

I hated everything.

But most of all, I hated me.


I struggled and fell.

I climbed and I crawled.

and just when I thought I couldn't take anymore.

I woke up without the fog.


It took a while to see past me,

It took a while to learn how to breathe,

I took a while to get back up,

And now-After a while,

I am finally okay with what once was.

Source
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