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A Prelude Into My Past (Narrative Poetry)

Updated on February 2, 2017
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A Look Into My Unique Thought Process

I have always had these epiphanies that I talk about a lot when I publish my poems, and this one was mixed with several days of emotion and inspiration.

There is an everyday occurrence that I go through of simply pondering my life, which includes one single person that has not left my mind for quite a while now. It’s not the one I write about here; however, this person still had my attention as I wrote out my dream. Not specifically for the theme, but I’m complicated in a way that everything I write is my life and feelings as a whole somehow. Even if the words do not play on all my thoughts, they are there as well. I guess I live in all my moments and pick the one I’ll write about. This one was easy today.

The Dream Never Goes Away; It Recycles.

This is a recurring dream I have had through the span of, at least, eleven years. It’s been about two years since I have had one like this, which made me feel inspired that it may not return. When I have this dream, I wake with such a cloud hanging over me. It’s like I have visited that part of my past that holds the deepest hurt.

Obviously, I cannot help but realize this part of my life had a major impact on me. It was a real love, that turned into what had apparently been a tremendous lie that was kept from me. When I finally found out the truth, it was like the most horrendous feeling one could have ever experienced. It literally wounded me like I had been shot, and I was dying in slow motion but still fighting to survive. It was a betrayal that I don’t wish upon anyone.

Eight years of a lie is hard to get over, and although I feel I have - for the most part -achieved the goal of living through it; I have been plagued with this dream through the years that comes out of nowhere to remind me. There has got to be a reason it wants to revisit me, but as of now, all I can get out of it is poetry. And so, I shall keep writing it down. The dream stays the same as far as the emotions it takes me through, although the scenes are different sometimes.

A Big Thank You to the Poetess Christina Rossetti

Although, it may have been the familiar dream which prompted me to get up and write this poem this very morning; I believe that a poem of Christina Rossetti's, I ran upon yesterday also helped me power through this one, and pen my own poem to paper. Her inspirational but sad words may have brought me right back to this dream I thought I had ridden myself of finally. Could it have triggered this past sadness inside of me, and forced my hand today? I don't know. However, I feel that it touched me so deeply that it just may have.

Christina Rossetti's poetry carries certain themes that I believe are all similar to my style of poetry as well. Love, Death, and all common cycles we go through in life.

I ran across her poem, "Remember," written in French not English by chance when someone posted it on social media. Nevertheless, being a poet and finding another poet I was not familiar with, it struck my interest enough not to disregard it because of unfamiliar language, and to use Google translate to read it. Not to mention, she was of the Victorian era, and those who know me, know that I adore all things of that time.

I hope you like my poem, and this video of someone reading the very poem by Ms. Rossetti that helped me bring my own to life, "Remember."


Remember

Fun Fact:

Several of Christina Rossetti's poems have found their way into becoming well-known hymns.

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Christina Rosetti Poem

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Christina Rossetti

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Dreams Do Come...

I woke once at the break

of dawn...


then slowly I fell

back beyond…


where life was somehow

good it seemed...


that misunderstood

peace...


my stare at false

certainty…


A dark glow of hanging

on...


I’m here again, and

feeling low...


Though, if it was in some

way fine...


Yet, my Presence here feels

victimized...


Help you...

no, not again...


I tried that once; you

committed Sin...


I was left to feel the blame

of your lies...


You showed me

fake…


but promised me

white...


The shimmer on my finger

which I gave back...


hurt like a knife; it bloodied

my back...


Why are you here, I

heard myself ask...


Gracing my dreams after

many years they’ve passed...


I feel a womb that is

stinging you...


a desperation for me to pull

you through...


I cannot do this, why must

you ask...


I left long ago; I survived your

hellish lash...


But you beg of me to be

the one you once knew...


the warrior kind that takes

all pain...


an angel kind

that cannot lay blame...


I scream at you to go

away...


my conviction of strength

was hard to gain...


If I give in will I feel

ashamed...


I see myself in a glow

kneeling down...


I beg for answers. I just

want to go now...


What does he expect me

to do...


I feel drained, but I can’t

get up or move...


When I finally lift my head

to him…


I see nothing, but

a dark man’s grin...


He slowly fades away

from me…


disappearing in a

black hole dream...


his dirty laughter

surrounding my soul...


Then with a gasp, I am

awake at home...

In the Bleak Mid-Winter by: Christina Rosetti Sung by: Sarah Mclachlan

© 2017 Missy Smith

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    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 3 months ago from Queensland Australia

      Great work, Missy. It is amazing what inspires us at times, and in fact causes dreams and memories to resurface. I love Rosetti's poem, as well as yours. I hope you can figure out why this dream resurfaced.. Maybe there is some action you need to take to resolve it.

      I have a lot of favourite poets. A.B. Banjo Pattison, Rudyard Kipling, Kenneth Slessor, Dorothea McKellar, not from the usual popular list.

      Always good to read your latest hub.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 3 months ago from Florida

      Hey John, I don't know why that specific dream just won't go away, but it was a really rough time in my life. I went through hell. I don't think my sick stomach left for two years straight. It was such an unexpected blow, and I did feel like I was dying, and struggling to survive. I had a long relationship before that one, but that one was easy to leave, because it was an abusive relationship. The one I talk about here was totally opposite.

      I got sad reading Rossetti's poem yesterday. The reciting of it really doesn't do it justice the way it makes you feel when you read it to yourself. It hit me hard, for some reason, and I found myself crying. Maybe because I've been alone for so long now. I do, kind of, like the fact that poetry touches me in such an emotional way though. It really keeps you in touch with your feelings in a beautiful way.

      I mentioned in the introduction that there was someone lately, actually these last three years, who stays on my mind. I finally felt love for someone after so long, but the situation has so many obstacles that this past year we have mutually decided to let go and just be friends. I think he is doing better than I am. Typical. Lol...

      I am always so happy to see you come here and read my poetry and thoughts. I hope you do like them. If there is one person in the poetry world that I would want approval from, it is my friend's from the land down under! :)

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 3 months ago from United States

      One of our best means of therapy is expressing our thoughts and memories of times in the past, both good and bad. You do a marvelous job here my friend and I really felt as you did as I shared your dream through all those rough times in life. Well written. Blessings to you and family. whonu

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 3 months ago from Florida

      Thank you so much, Whonu. It is such a great therapy session for me when I can come here and write out my feelings, or just my thoughts on something that is happening in the world or my own life. I really love to write poetry the most though. It makes me feel free. Blessings to you as well my friend. :)

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Powerful work comes from a powerful outpouring of emotions. I firmly believe that, and I firmly believe your talent comes from a life path filled with potholes. I sometimes with it were not so for us writers, but I see more proof of it the longer I write. Well done, my friend. I just wish you could have written this without experiencing it. :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 3 months ago from Florida

      Hey Bill, it was most definitely one of the worst parts of my life. When such strong hurt happens to someone, it tends to linger with them through their lives, unfortunately. I am over it by now, but it is so strange that I have the dream that comes up from time to time, and when I dream this dream, it's like it happened to me yesterday. I go through the day just...tired and numb.

      Thank you for your kind words. I tend to take my past pain and channel it in my poetry now. I am thankful I found this way to do that. There is nothing like putting your own thoughts down in beautiful artistic verses. Sometimes, you may be the only one who gets it, but there is just something freeing about writing it out. :)

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 3 months ago from Hyderabad, India

      It's a good job done, Missy. Pouring out your disturbing thoughts and dreams into words and sharing those experiences can give some relief and a feeling of support. It is always good to share such feelings as others can also associate themselves with you and get some inspiration also. You are lucky to be able to create such great poetry and narrative articles from those experiences.

      Blessings.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 3 months ago from Florida

      I like to share my experiences in this way, Venkat. However, I just got through talking to a friend of mine, that bluntly told me I was self-centered. That I was mostly selfish for talking about myself, and narcissistic. It didn't make me feel good.

      I told him that I may be, but it wasn't out of selfishness. It was out of my own need to like myself. I need to express my thoughts and feelings in whatever way I feel necessary to keep living. It helps me get past these parts of my past that haunt me.

      From the time I was a little girl, it seems I had to fight against something; bullies, who would make fun of me for being shy or poor - from growing up and being used by the men I loved. I'm even the outcast in my own family. I just don't fit in well. So, it's not that I talk about my trials and tribulations for pity or supreme recognition from others. I just want to feel better. Find who I am and try to understand myself! I tend to get lost a lot.

      I really appreciate you reading this, and I take to heart your words of wisdom. I truly do. I thank you and everyone else who reads my thoughts with an open mind. I appreciate that with all my heart.

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 3 months ago from Hyderabad, India

      Keep up your spirits high, Missy. Don't get discouraged or frustrated by other people's thoughts or comments. Live as your heart guides you and with hope.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 3 months ago from Shelton

      You know Missy, when I got to the poem.. I found it disturbingly pleasing.. Most of your hubs have that effect... anyways I do enjoy checking your hubs out... is that disturbing? LOL

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 3 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      Wonderfully done and thanks for the introduction to Christina Rossetti.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 3 months ago from Florida

      Thank you, Venkat. You are such an inspirational person, and I'm glad I've gotten to know you here. :)

      Hey Frank, I think you described it just the way I would want someone to feel while reading it. I mean...I think we all have this part about us that enjoys a bit of disturbance; it's real life. :)

      Thank you, Gypsy. I'm still getting to know Ms. Rossetti myself. I like her so far. :)

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