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A Problem with Cupid

Updated on October 10, 2016
Dean Traylor profile image

Dean Traylor is a freelance writer and teacher. He is a former journalist who has worked on various community and college publications.

Love was in the air and it stirred Cupid from his drunken stupor.
Love was in the air and it stirred Cupid from his drunken stupor. | Source

Some deities - as well as a few mere mortals - have to learn the hard way that they have a major problem. One such case was Cupid; that once lovable cherub who fell in love with the bottle.

It started one particular day after an epic all-night bash at Mount Olympus. Cupid partied hard by throwing back a few crates of mead with the nymphs and minor gods. Then, when that was done, he went to party with major gods. He polished off some viciously powerful wine with that group.

The following morning, the presence of love was in the air. Cupid felt it and knew he had to get to work. He emerged from his drunken stupor, and readied himself for the task at hand of finding that love and taking it to two worthy mortals.

But, there was a problem: his fabled bow and arrows were missing. He looked high and low in the palatial home of Zeus.

Darn Bacchus, he thought. His special wine could knock any immortal out. Cupid realized how powerful they were; Zeus, Poseidon, and Apollo were face down on the marble floor.

Although disoriented, Cupid took to the air, powering his bloated body over the party’s aftermath.

"Come on wings," he blurted (and belched), "don't let me down."

By the time of this bender, Cupid was not himself; the happy imp with cute chubby and red cheeks was now flabby and grizzled. Worst yet, the idea of being the harbinger of love among the mortals had become meaningless and tedious for him.

His special wine could knock any immortal out. Cupid realized how powerful they were
His special wine could knock any immortal out. Cupid realized how powerful they were | Source

Still, he couldn't ignore the call of love. And that call was being heard loud and clears, despite his hangover.

The call of love was something he could sense. He could see it, too. It rose like vapors from the likely person in love. His eyes could spot them for miles around. Funny, he thought, why don't these human see it?

Cupid didn't linger on the question; but, not because of the alcohol. He had to concentrate on his job. His arrows were supposed to be shot at one lover to release its essence and allow it to shower the other person with it. This would result in the other person falling in love,as well.

Eventually, he found what appeared to be his bow and arrows near an unconscious Odysseus. Without any hesitation, he grabbed them, exited Mount Olympus and descended upon Earth.

It didn't take long for him to find the potential lovers. They were in a park seated adjacent from each other. Each one sat on a park bench, stealing a glance or two at one another.

Cupid found a good hiding place in a bush. Although the effects was taking a nauseating toll on him, he was able to confirm that these were, in fact, the potential lovers he had sensed.

He let the arrow fly. Cupid expected the arrow to do its job and let love loose. But, something else happened.

The urge for a drink was strong. Time to get this over with, he thought. He pulled out an arrow and got it ready in the bow. However, the bow felt extremely heavy and the arrow was longer than usual.

He let the arrow fly. Cupid expected the arrow to do its job and let love loose. But, something else happened. The surprised man fell dead. The woman—with his blood on her – screamed.

Horrified, Cupid realized the errors of his ways: he had grabbed Odysseus' bow and arrows by mistake.

"Oh, oh," he slurred.

Shocked, Cupid crept away from the brushes and flew away as fast as he could. That sobered him up. And, it made him realize that he had a problem to contend with when he returned home.

*******

Cupid was lucky; he received counseling from the Oracle of Delphi. Now, clean and sober, Cupid is back to spreading love to mere mortals. He could've mistaken Zeus's lightning, and that would have been a disaster for the ages.

Let's hope that Cupid will stay sober...for everyone's -- gods and humans --sake.

Instead, blood sprayed. The surprised man fell dead. The woman—with his blood on her – screamed.
Instead, blood sprayed. The surprised man fell dead. The woman—with his blood on her – screamed. | Source

Cupid and his Deadly Arrows - a Short Poem

That silly Cherub
fires those deadly arrows
laced with perfect love.

© 2015 Dean Traylor

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