"A Quest for True Love"

 Our quest true love starts when we're children and I think it has a lot to do with how we were raised as children. I have learned that if we were in a close, loving family , you were use to being hugged, touched and kissed on occasion. these type  of children grow up with the security of knowing that they are loved.  so they kids don't search for the physical kind of love. On the other hand if you're raised in a home where you know, you are loved but, you don't receive the physical love like hugging, cuddling, touching or kissing ; you don't feel quite complete. I was raised in a home without a lot of physical contact from my parent, although, I knew they genuinely loved us. The only thing about that particular environment is that children that come from this back ground becomes seekers of physical love; because they didn't get it when they we're children growing up.  I know because I'm one the seekers, that has always  search for love in all the wrong places, with the wrong people. Because of the lack of physical love, and I'm not talking about sexual intercourse.

I wanted to be touched, held close to someone or be connected in a physical way, that wasn't sexual.  I also realized that as much  as I loved and cherished my children ; I didn't give them enough of the same physical love that I desired for myself, therefore making seekers of the same physical love. seekers are individual people that are starved for love and physical love  and attention, they didn't get when they were children. I try to make it up to my children  now, but they have already become seekers, I know that my baby girl and my other daughters try to give their children more physical love  so they want become  like us, trying to seek out the physical love, our  body craves. I don't think parent realized how much they can do to help their children feel secure in their love and affections , just by being  more loving and physical with their children.  This type of situation will cause you to get involved with or settle for , the wrong person every time, because we're considered a needy person.Sometimes, we get married to the wrong person because of the neediness of physical love.

My first marriage was a marriage of mental and physical abuse, that I endure, but one day I realized that I deserved more than what I was getting. Sometimes, we settle for a little of something  because we feel we have nothing.  My second marriage, gave me physical love for a minute, it seem that once we got married, everything that I held close to my heart disappeared.  The hugging, touching, and being close ,everything that I wanted  and needed to survive came to a abrupt end.  Once you're in caring physical relationship, you expect the love and the attention to continue, because that was how it started out.  when we're use to being held, touched  and kissed, you're content, but when it goes from getting everything to getting nothing at all; we 're back where we started at square one.  If you got to tell someone to hold you  or touch, kiss you, then what do you need with them. The problem with this scenario is, to many people get comfortable  being lazy and doing nothing, they don't want to do what it takes to keep the relationship up and running.

I had times, when I just lie there and wished my husband would pull me into his arms and just hold me close, just for nothing or just because he loves me. I can't stand a clinical relationship where there is no physical contact with each other, you're just like brother and sister that don't touch each other. It's such a waste to have this type of relationship with a husband or a wife. You know the person loves you but he or she is not showing it physically, months at a time, you live together but nothing happens. You often feel you're just there, your heart is hurting because you aren't getting what you need and you don't want to ask them for it, anymore,because you wan ti to  be their idea and your. if you got to keep telling him or her what you want and need in the relationship, you have a big problem. We want our husband or wife to beware of our needs and we don't have to be the one constantly telling them about our needs. Because to do this is losing some of our self respect for ourselves, we  and sometimes, we end up with nothing in the process. The husband I have now is a lot different than the others, he loves me, and tries to show me, he bring me coffee to the bed; which is not a need be, but since he wants to do it, I allow it. He bugs me beautiful cards on occasions and treat me like an equal.  He some what  more physical, but often times, he gets complacent too.  We travel and have fun our adventuresome trips when we're on the road.

I have come to the realizationthat there aren't any perfect relationships, but there are some that you can live with. So, if you don't want your children to become seekers of physical love, please take the time and give them all the touchy- feely type of love , you can muster up; because it's not a guarantee that someone will give it to them later on in life.

Benny Faye Douglass