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"A Quest for True Love"

Updated on April 1, 2010

"A Quest For True Love"

 Our quest true love starts when we're children and I think it has a lot to do with how we were raised as children. I have learned that if we were in a close, loving family , you were use to being hugged, touched and kissed on occasion. these type  of children grow up with the security of knowing that they are loved.  so they kids don't search for the physical kind of love. On the other hand if you're raised in a home where you know, you are loved but, you don't receive the physical love like hugging, cuddling, touching or kissing ; you don't feel quite complete. I was raised in a home without a lot of physical contact from my parent, although, I knew they genuinely loved us. The only thing about that particular environment is that children that come from this back ground becomes seekers of physical love; because they didn't get it when they we're children growing up.  I know because I'm one the seekers, that has always  search for love in all the wrong places, with the wrong people. Because of the lack of physical love, and I'm not talking about sexual intercourse.

I wanted to be touched, held close to someone or be connected in a physical way, that wasn't sexual.  I also realized that as much  as I loved and cherished my children ; I didn't give them enough of the same physical love that I desired for myself, therefore making seekers of the same physical love. seekers are individual people that are starved for love and physical love  and attention, they didn't get when they were children. I try to make it up to my children  now, but they have already become seekers, I know that my baby girl and my other daughters try to give their children more physical love  so they want become  like us, trying to seek out the physical love, our  body craves. I don't think parent realized how much they can do to help their children feel secure in their love and affections , just by being  more loving and physical with their children.  This type of situation will cause you to get involved with or settle for , the wrong person every time, because we're considered a needy person.Sometimes, we get married to the wrong person because of the neediness of physical love.

My first marriage was a marriage of mental and physical abuse, that I endure, but one day I realized that I deserved more than what I was getting. Sometimes, we settle for a little of something  because we feel we have nothing.  My second marriage, gave me physical love for a minute, it seem that once we got married, everything that I held close to my heart disappeared.  The hugging, touching, and being close ,everything that I wanted  and needed to survive came to a abrupt end.  Once you're in caring physical relationship, you expect the love and the attention to continue, because that was how it started out.  when we're use to being held, touched  and kissed, you're content, but when it goes from getting everything to getting nothing at all; we 're back where we started at square one.  If you got to tell someone to hold you  or touch, kiss you, then what do you need with them. The problem with this scenario is, to many people get comfortable  being lazy and doing nothing, they don't want to do what it takes to keep the relationship up and running.

I had times, when I just lie there and wished my husband would pull me into his arms and just hold me close, just for nothing or just because he loves me. I can't stand a clinical relationship where there is no physical contact with each other, you're just like brother and sister that don't touch each other. It's such a waste to have this type of relationship with a husband or a wife. You know the person loves you but he or she is not showing it physically, months at a time, you live together but nothing happens. You often feel you're just there, your heart is hurting because you aren't getting what you need and you don't want to ask them for it, anymore,because you wan ti to  be their idea and your. if you got to keep telling him or her what you want and need in the relationship, you have a big problem. We want our husband or wife to beware of our needs and we don't have to be the one constantly telling them about our needs. Because to do this is losing some of our self respect for ourselves, we  and sometimes, we end up with nothing in the process. The husband I have now is a lot different than the others, he loves me, and tries to show me, he bring me coffee to the bed; which is not a need be, but since he wants to do it, I allow it. He bugs me beautiful cards on occasions and treat me like an equal.  He some what  more physical, but often times, he gets complacent too.  We travel and have fun our adventuresome trips when we're on the road.

I have come to the realizationthat there aren't any perfect relationships, but there are some that you can live with. So, if you don't want your children to become seekers of physical love, please take the time and give them all the touchy- feely type of love , you can muster up; because it's not a guarantee that someone will give it to them later on in life.

Benny Faye Douglass

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you pmcrray, I know the feeling, but you can start little by little, just huggging or touching until you feel comfortable in showing your love. it feels good to be physical. Thank you for your comment and feedback. godspeed. Creativeone59

    • pmccray profile image

      pmccray 

      8 years ago from Utah

      Excellent advice. I too came from an environment that was not demonstrative and you carry a void throughout your life. I find that I'm am not physically affectionate due to this lack. It's sad, because I'm full of caring and love, but unable to demonstrate it physically. Thanks for this wonderful hub.

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you Audrey, for visitig my hubs and leaving your comment and feedback, I truly appreciate you. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you Rich for coming by and enjoying my story. i appreciate you, your comment and feedback. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 

      8 years ago from Washington

      I think you are right - sometimes it does have a lot to do with how we were raised. Sometimes we want to recreate that and then sometimes we want to replace what we grew up in - but whatever takes you on the quest for true love, it's worth the ride! Great hub!

    • Rich Sace profile image

      Rich Sace 

      8 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Wonderful, thank you for that well written story.

    • Silver Poet profile image

      Silver Poet 

      8 years ago from the computer of a midwestern American writer

      Candid hub, truthful. Children can actually lag in development if not given enough touch, especially in the early stages. Touch causes brain connections to form. It is a proven fact that infants will languish without touch.

      Too many people settle; you're right.

      Great hub.

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you for your comment and feedback, i appreciate you and your input, comment and feedback. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you Veronica, I think we should show our children much love. thank you for your comment and feedback. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you ladyfairz, for sharing that story with us, and thank you for your comment and feedback Godspeed. creativeone59

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you always exploring, it's hard but we have to learn to move on and try to do better by our children. Thank you for your comment and feeddback. Bod bless. creativeone59

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you Madison, your're s weeet heart, I appreciate you, your comment and feedback. Blessings. creativeone59

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you Micky, I appreciate you. thank s for your comment and feedback. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you msorensson, for your comment and feedback, I apreciate you stopping by. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • dahoglund profile image

      Don A. Hoglund 

      8 years ago from Wisconsin Rapids

      Some of the touchy feely thing is culturally driven. My Scandinavian background tended to shy away from it. especially for men. My mother, who was more French probably found it frustrating.

    • Veronica Allen profile image

      Veronica Allen 

      8 years ago from Georgia

      Great hub creativeone. I agree one hundred percent. I try to hug and kiss my girls often. It is these proper displays of affection that show them - even if they are being disciplined - that they are truly worthwhile and loved.

    • Ladyfairz profile image

      Facebook - ZONA GAYLE 

      8 years ago from Georgia, USA

      I wonder if any of the World War II guys gave hugs when thay came home; my dad and his brothers did not. Somehow thru the Spirit I knew to give hugs and love very early in life altho I did not receive. My son who has two daughters is a hugger! I am thankful. - Everyday, we all need 10 hugs for emotional balance. Hugs and love to you all!!! Lz

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      8 years ago from Southern Illinois

      I know very well what you are talking about. I too didn,t receive closeness from my mother ( I didn,t know my father

      my mother left him when i was two years old) i knew that my mother loved me but she was quiet and withdrawn, i,m sorry to say but i followed in her foot- steps. I try now to make-up but it,s difficult when they are not the kind to show closeness, so you see how it runs in generations.

      Thanks for sharing

    • profile image

      Joque 

      8 years ago

      My heart cried the silent tears it has cried for years. Those were my words that you wrote. So, somebody does understand. And it's not about sex, just like you said. Thank you so much.

    • Madison22 profile image

      Madison 

      8 years ago from NYC

      Creativeone, I have so much identification with you and this hub. And I happy for you that you now have what you desire in a relationship. You are truly a power of example in many ways, thank you.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Great message Faye.

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 

      8 years ago

      Hmn.. I think this is true in America.

      My parents were very formal. They really did not show public affection to each other much, or to the children after the children reach the age of 7.

      On the other hand I never doubted that they loved us very much.

      I still hug my son and he is a grown up now.

      Lovely hub, creativeone59. Thanks for sharing

      I am always uplifted when I read your hubs, so Thank you!!

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you thevoice, your support and giving your comment and feedback. blessings to you. creativeone59

    • creativeone59 profile imageAUTHOR

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Thank you Hello, I'm glad someone can relate. Thank you for your comment and feedback. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • thevoice profile image

      thevoice 

      8 years ago from carthage ill

      beautifully touching hub thanks

    • Hello, hello, profile image

      Hello, hello, 

      8 years ago from London, UK

      You also had all. I am sorry. I know what you are talking about. Thank you for a wonderful written hub.

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