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A Stranger In My Own Mind

Updated on February 13, 2013

The Past

As each moment rose before me
I reacted as would a mime
Gesturing wildly in imitation
I was a clown unable to make up his mind

Understanding came too late
For what a prophet leaves behind
Are the scraps of acknowledgment
With no clues to discover what I must find

Doe the pain remain fresh?
Or does it just become shopworn?
Can emotions die
Or act as if they were never born?

For what change can occur
If the past is always present?
Who can become a stranger to himself
If the past is a coin never to be spent?


Realization

I was walking from room to room
There were pieces of paper everywhere
I recognized the paintings on the wall
Someone I knew seemed to live there

There were people standing
Some I’d not seen in years
I wanted to stop and say hello
But they had no eyes and no ears

They didn’t recognize me
Nor did they respond to my voice
Suddenly I began to realize
What had happened was not their choice

What was no longer relevant
Was once profound
As I read one of the papers
It was too simple to confound

What once moved people
With the recoil to a shout
Was now the silence of the naive
Unable to create the slightest doubt

Transfiguration

Is it possible
To be a stranger
In your own mind?

Yes, when you open it

Is it possible
To not know
How you did it?

Yes, when you let it happen

Is it possible
To not be able to explain
What others ask?

Yes, when the inspiration is gone

Is it possible
To know what you said
And not remember why?

Yes, when you know longer believe

Is it possible
To never go back
But still have pride?

Yes, when you decide to grow

Is it possible
To sound different
And to think differently?

Yes, when you are different

Is it possible
To reject your past
Without shame?

Yes, when you let it go

Is it possible
To make no apology
For once being young?

Yes, when you become an adult

Is it possible
To embrace your past
Without nostalgia?

Yes, when you finally find yourself

Discovery

Where confusion robs consciousness
Is in the choosing
Of the wrong mask
A rapacious avatar
To live the life of meaningless existence

Is it better to be nothing
With nothing
But freedom
And the need
For nothing but your true essence?

To follow a path set before you
By those who thought they understood
But cannot live your life
Creates the bond
To perpetual acquiescence

We who know of these things
Yet follow in your path
Continue to discover
Again and again
The cold pale rot of ambivalence

And in the final awakening
Shedding all that we know
Returning to the womb
To choose the time of our rebirth
We break water in your presence

Water becomes tears becomes love
And becomes you
To carve your path
No matter the obstacle
No matter the resistance

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    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      Mark Lecuona 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Thank you for commenting irongrip. I'm sorry about your difficulties. I'm going through my own right now.... bad marriage with the children somewhat caught in between my inability to communicate with their mother. I'm glad you were able to relate to my words.

    • irongrip profile image

      Dan 5 years ago from Canada

      Very nice... When I read this, it related me to 3 years ago, when I was struggling with family issues. For me, this poem really brought out the confusion and self-realization I had to go through few years back

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