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A Tale of Two Oscars

Updated on September 27, 2019

You'll never know what happened to me,

on that crazy day,

back in LA.

You'll never know the Death

that I died...the death of my lies,

where Wilshire lies...

Do you really want to know?

WHY?

Why I betrayed you?

Why I lied?

Will the "Truth set you Free,"

from a Past corrupted,

tortured,

murdered...

re-constructed?


Forgive me my trespasses,

forgive me my sins,

forgive me dear husband,

for wanting a better life.


You know...it is true,

what they say...about the

"the horror, the horror"

of Hollywood.

You say...I WHAT?

WANT?

Want what?

To fuck the Director and his friend,

to give them head,

to lay in their bed?


Oh no dear Husband,

you will never Know,

the stoned immaculate pain,

I felt that Day,

walking naked

down the streets of L.A.


Walking like a whore

wanting/not wanting more

needing/not needing amore

walking amidst the mind fields

streets of L.A.

getting what I needed...

but not what I wanted.


No you will never know,

the Pain I felt back then,

Nor would I want U2

TRUE-LEE

Past pain faded

Another poem traded.

Sometimes I fear that my words

Are too INTENSE

Sometimes I fear that my

genuinely fake

reel self

may surface

breaking through the water

like a drowning surfer

gasping for air

Stuart Beck of Mendicino took this picture and gave it to me decades ago.
Stuart Beck of Mendicino took this picture and gave it to me decades ago. | Source

In between the waves

Crushing,

curling,

sets of waves,

I inhale your air

and

shake like a leaf

as I talk into the Mike

a virgin Slammer

reading my LA Confidential poems,

begging for Mercy,

on my first night.

Source

I listen to their words

The raw power,

gestures,

sexual,

timid,

real,

breath of fresh air,

and read my poem...

on Another Sunday Night,

without passion,

without fear,

without emotion.

I read my poems

On the second night of Christ-mas,

as if none of it mattered,

as if I really didn't matter


What does Matter

in this Timeline we debate?

Standing in front of the Gate,

casting stones,

killing the Present,

recalling Adam's original Sin?

Or was it Eve's?

Do you really want to know

why the Oscars is just another show,

another commercial-full TV show

that I don't need to see.

Awards, films, deals, lawyers, games,

bullshit reality

the Honor of being here with YOU tonight,

the Honor of meeting you

and judging you

the Honor of meeting Mr. X

in Phuket


It truly was an Honor

But what Honor is there

when you betray your own family

to a Stranger with Oscars?

What honor is there,

when you give it all away for FREE?

Vice or verse-a

it's all the Same,

because you came

I felt the pain,

the freedom of flight


I felt your Compassion,

I felt your PAIN,

I felt the rain,

wash down your face

wash down this page...

You asked me what I feared most...

my secret words

I feared you


my Holy Ghost

I gave IT to you

because you asked for IT


I gave you my pain

to keep in your BOX

or to throw away...


didn't matter to me

did it Matter to you?

Parallel City of Angels

Bangkok and L.A.,

I orbit your world,

with Key words like Vietnam,

Surrender,

and Confession.

My stepfather had this picture from Vietnam where he was a Navy Lieutenant. Not exactly sure where he is in this picture.
My stepfather had this picture from Vietnam where he was a Navy Lieutenant. Not exactly sure where he is in this picture. | Source

I pray The Art of Silence and Genetic Karma

Remains hidden.

Because the Truth is RELATIVE

The TRUTH is Painful

The Truth is Ignored

The truth is Be Here Now.

Be Present,

be kind.

Before and After,

the show fades to dark,

the credits roll,

leaving me wondering,

if I can Begin it all again,

not knowing if the Game,

is worth the COST?

Source

Not knowing if Paradise Lost

FOUND,

is worth saving,

only knowing

IT IS

IT IS

IT IS

Valley of the Kings
Valley of the Kings | Source

Heaven on Earth

Is Be Here Now,

Heaven on Earth,

is worth Saving,

IT is.

Won't you make this movie WITH me?

Won't you buy my "Fight for the Tiger" screenplay proposal?
Won't you tell me I'm too Romantic?
That I need to be more REALISTIC?
Won't you Fade to Light with me...just this Once?

Down on my knees...I pray to U2
Eight years I've waited.
Eight = Inifinity

Give me an Oscar for Surviving
Give these poets an Oscar
for their passion and courage...
Give us all our Best Poet
and Supporting Poet Awards...
as Mercury Rises
Over Mile High Denver.

Source

Comments

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    • Pearldiver profile image

      Rob Welsh 

      7 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

      Oh Wow! Such an intense piece of writing... such is this heartbeat... such is its pulse!

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