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A Very Short Story Called A Letter of Love

Updated on January 20, 2012

This story was published in an arts and literature collection from my college. I was semi-proud that it actually was selected to be included. Four months later, when I re-read the published story, I was disgusted and appalled and wished that I could go back in time to do corrections and revisions. So I'm doing them now and will post this in a hub to see what happens. If you hate it, feel free to say so. If you have suggestions for future improvement in my writing style, please feel free. Believe me, I'm my own worst critic.


"A Letter Of Love"

You had always seemed pretentious. You would walk casually across the room, chin level with the floor and eyes forward with the vindication of royalty. The air about you seemed as chilled and crisp as mid-autumn, gaining you eager eyes and ears. There was nothing that you could say or do to receive anger, envy, or frustration from your peers. And I was one of those that could never think ill of you.

The days that I can recall before my days with you seem murky, undistinguished, and dull in almost every sense. The warmth of my loved ones from my younger days are lukewarm. The joy of my first remembered birthday seems halfhearted. The pride at my accomplishments seems vain. You revealed to me the true depth of emotion and you were my everything from my first glimpse of you behind that car.

It was that car that first took my notice. I remember it well--a 1999 blue Chevy Lumina with a dent above the left tire rim. You changed cars only a few days after my first sighting, but this was a car that you had loved as far as material possessions go. This was the first car you ever bought, the car that saw the first few exciting years of freedom, and the car that you lovingly locked before walking away. Yet only after a few days in your new environment, you had to cast aside the Lumina.

This all had happened on September 17th. The day started out with some fog that never cleared up entirely. It was a warm day, but overcast with a shower around 2 o’clock that afternoon. But the sun peaked through the clouds--just a bit!--when you stepped out of the Lumina to lock it. It was almost perfect, since perfection would have been some sort of mystical music from the heavens.

I could feel that heat of the sun on my head as I watched you. I was walking up the hill next to the lot, moving quickly because I was late. I was moving so fast for so long that my breath was heavy and my throat was dry. But seeing that car out of the corner of my eye, and glimpsing your graceful figure emerging from it, stopped me dead. My breath was caught in my chest and my heart seemed to stop beating. I had to watch you gather your belongings, lock your car, and walk past me and away for as long as I could see you.

Your height, your eyes, your mouth--everything was vivid in my mind. Even your scent enraptured me from the very beginning. This sounds strange, even remotely perverted, to say this and to have acted as such, but I was lost. I was even more so when I had discovered that we had both ventured to the same hangout spot in the evening. That was where I first spoke to you.

To tell the truth, although you have told me countless times how secure I am, I was so nervous that I could barely stand. You sat alone at the café with Mein Kampf in hand and a cup of black coffee on the table. You were dressed for the summer season, showing more skin than what was usually seen during that time of year. Your hair was done with precision.

I watched you for half an hour to the grief of my acquaintances and friends. I simply could not stop looking at you. It was at their persuasion that I finally gathered enough courage to walk over to you. Of course, halfway over, I nearly fell into a table and ran away. Yet I kept on advancing as boldly as I could to you and your lovely visage. I made it to the table three away from you when I stopped. You were the one who spoke to me first.

“Could you hand me a napkin?”

I was stunned. I suppose I looked like a deer in headlights at your voice. I assume that you might have guessed my insecurity--although you claimed before I am incapable of such a thing--since you smiled and rose from your seat to the station behind me to get what you had desired. I, with all my clumsiness, could not do a thing but retreat.

The café meeting was what set things in motion between us. You kept coming back and so did I. Each week you had a different book of some interesting variety with you. One week, it was the Feminine Mystique, another week it was Gulliver‘s Travels, and another week was The Grapes of Wrath. Of course you know that we began to speak to each other. Your company was completely enjoyable; all the while my heart raced and my hands shook with apprehension.

You know the rest. We had our first date, our first kiss, and our first everything. Time was precious and irreplaceable. And I am truly sorry.

“I would like to be a firefly.” Do you remember? We were in our apartment together, the night was as silent as it could be in the city, and it was hot and unbearably humid. My grandmother had passed away just a month ago and I began to mention death. You tapped me playfully on the shoulder and proclaimed that she would come back before you mentioned what you hoped to be in your next life. I had never known before then that you believed in reincarnation.

“Why?” I asked laughing. “They’re just bugs. Wouldn’t you rather come back as you are? Why not human?”

You were quiet for a few moments before turning to face me in the dark. You looked me in the eyes, contemplating if I was worthy enough to know this much more about you or if I was to be left pondering your bizarre choice. Finally, you whispered words that I could not understand.

“I want everything I do to bring meaning.”

* * * * * * * *

Tonight is one of the last nights of August. I was meandering through the park at dusk, not quite fast walking but not strolling. I stopped at the pond where you and I would usually meet for our dates and rested my elbows on the fence around it. The sky was clear and a rich, royal, iridescent blue and the tree leaves seemed black against it. A gentle wind rustled the leaves together along with the bushes and flowers around me. It was then that I saw them.

They filled the ground like the stars in the sky. They blinked and moved, swarming around each other gracefully and magically, flickering their lights slowly on and then off. The crickets who saw this called out to each other underneath the fire dance in the sky. A little girl squealed in excitement behind me, pulling at the hands of her parents to point out the fireflies. I looked behind myself to see an older couple kiss. A group of friends all stopped and gazed quietly at the show.

I thought of the fireflies. Their light is actually a call to mate with each other, so the light dancing in the night was a dance of love. They understood the dance perfectly and could change the tempo of their light to change their call. It was just one part of their life, but it was one part that drew notice from all those around them. The other insects, too, would be drawn to the light to probably feast on them. Then those other insects would be satisfied enough to reproduce as well. The fireflies, by calling to their love, could cause so many things to happen. The fireflies created all the commotion around me. They did it all by themselves.

With not much more of a thought, I left the park with a smile. I came home to write this letter to you to tell you that I finally understand.

I hope you are a firefly.

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    • DIMIR profile image

      DIMIR 5 years ago from Pennsylvania, United States

      This was very beautiful. Without being too up front, you really covered a great deal of emotions and gave the reader all the necessary hints. The only thing to watch out for are the cliches that always sneak into writing, but even so this is a strong piece. You do well showing the emotions that are there rather than telling them to the reader. It is lovely!

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Thank you very much for your comment and suggestion! I will try my best at not using too many cliches.

      Once again, thank you for your input!

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      This is very good. Your descriptions are good. I can see the scenes in my mind. Your dialog is good and flows. The story flows.

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Thank you for your comment! I really appreciate it!

    • John Sarkis profile image

      John Sarkis 5 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Very imaginative...enjoyed it very much. Thanks for this interesting hub

      John

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Thank you for the comment! I appreciate it!

    • dmltrading profile image

      dmltrading 5 years ago from London

      It's an evocative story and I enjoyed it. You seem to craft each sentence, which is admirable; however you need to consider the overall flow and pace of a piece. Sometimes a short, sharp sentence can convey meaning and emotion more powerfully than something too embellished.

      Hope this constructive criticism is helpful. We can only grow as writers when peers give honest feedback. Keep writing.

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Thank you so much for your constructive criticism! To be honest, this piece was something that I was experimenting with my writing. So I know there is a lot that needs to be worked on.

      Once again, thank you for your comment!

    • colpolbear profile image

      colpolbear 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      I was sitting in bed the other night and my sister(as picky as she is) started reading this out loud to me. Very beautiful. Great writing!

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Thank you for your comment! I'm glad that you and your sister liked it. That makes me very happy. Thank you again.

    • writewritewrite profile image

      writewritewrite 5 years ago

      Really Sweeet :)

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Thank you for your comment! I'm glad you liked it.

      All the best!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      i enjoy this and also applaud and relate to the idea of revising even after publication. I am guilty of this as well. Also, perhaps you could title this piece "firefly" or "Letter to a firefly"? Take care and thanks for the follow.

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Thank you for your comment and suggestion! I don't think I will ever like any title for this story :( But thank you for stopping by! All the best!

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      The ending gave me shivers. The idea of becoming a firefly is so unique and wonderful. I agree with PDX above that the title should be changed. I say remove the "A very short story" part as this becomes apparent to the reader immediately.

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      Christy,

      It's not actually named "A very short story" in real life. It was just the name of the hub. When I just placed the title, hubpages said there was already a hub with that name. I'm just horrible with titles haha

      Thanks for the comment and for stopping by!

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Hehe oh dear! Thanks for taking time to explain :)

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 5 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      cammie, titles can be hard, but they're also important... especially someone like me who follows so many hubbers and only reads titles that catch his eye :-)

    • Cammiebar profile image
      Author

      Cammiebar 5 years ago from Upstate New York

      I will definitely work on it. Thank you for your input! Let's see if I do better tomorrow when I post another hub. All the best

    • EllenMayfield profile image

      Ellen Mayfield 4 years ago from Athens, GA

      Lovely!

    • profile image

      kylesanderson 4 years ago

      This short story had an excellent flow and I could paint a mental picture very well. These are the kind of short stories I wish I could read more often. Thanks for sharing.

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 4 years ago from Virginia

      Great work! Enjoyed it.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      This is the most beautiful love story I've ever read. It was expressive, mentally vivid, emotionally moving and above all entertaining. You are truly a very gifted writer. I will have to read more of your hubs soon.

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