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A Welcoming Intrusion

Updated on June 17, 2015



He stared at the blood trickling down the Kitchen Knife and for a moment he thought he was hallucinating. He could feel the tiny pressure in the young girl's arm fade. The little pulsing beats lost strength and warmth. He stared at the tiny torso until he was sure it was real, because if the blood was real, the stab wounds had to be real, and if the fading pulse was real, then the situation was real, and that only meant that the young girl was real.

It was the third time in nearly two weeks he had felt different. It was an odd different, but a different nonetheless. That word different ripped into his mind like a newborn's cry. Annoying and annoying after the first slap. He wanted to slam the newborn against the wall until the head exploded like a very fresh watermelon.

It was easier to shove her into a extra large garbage bag, because she didn't resist. Her limp body had no fight. The girl's name was Lisa McEvoy. He remembered how she trembled when he stood over her. He wasn't particularly a big man, but to a seven year old child, he was a giant. He was wearing a gray tee shirt and brown sweat pants which did nothing to hide his wiry body. She looked up at him and saw something dead in his light blue eyes.

When he grabbed Lisa McEvoy, her eyes went wide with horror and the fear kept dangling in front of her until it slowly moved in.

He walked over to the basement door and slowly opened it up while carrying the body in the black garbage bag over his shoulder as Santa Clause would do. He took his time walking down the wooden basement stairs which creaked under each step he took. He then walked over to a disturbing pile half hidden by the oil tank. The other two bodies hadn't begun to smell, but there were so many flies buzzing around them that they could be heard from ten feet away. It was a grisly pile that just took a stab at reality and then just punched it in the face.

The man squatted down and swung the black garbage bag over toward the front of him while he was facing the oil tank. He was very careful not putting his knees on the oil that leaked from the tank. It was a hot basement, but his hands felt cold as he took Lisa McEvoy out of the bag and stacked her on the pile like firewood. Her mouth was opened wide and her eyes closed shut, but nothing came out. He waited for a few minutes, but no words came from the corpse.

He couldn't remember the first girl's name, but he remembered when they met she closed her eyes and began shaking and fiercely weeping. Nobody was around to hear her beg for her life. It was amazingly sad. She tried to run but the grip he had on her was so strong that he kind of burned her wrists. He remembered because he dressed her wrists with burn cream from an old restaurant first aid kit he had stored away beneath the kitchen sink. That young girl couldn't understand why he was trying to treat her wounds. Nearly every ounce of reality was choked with fear. The air in that house was heavy and sour, and the walls bulging with mold. He didn't care about his surroundings, so why would he care about her burns is what she thought.

He tried to stack the three bodies neatly using the oil tank as support. When he stood up he almost sensed a mist of three young confused ghosts trembling.

“God, what did I do?” he half whispered as he slowly walked to the wooden stairs. “Help me stop, please.”


Lisa McEvoy's ghost moved in closer to her body. On closer inspection, she noticed bruising in the approximate shape of fingers on both forearms. Her earrings that her father bought her after she got her ears pierced were pulled from her ears during the initial struggle. Then she counted the stab wounds to her neck and abdomen. She counted twelve and each one had a slight slant to it while it broke flesh.

Death had to become a welcoming intrusion, because something had to free her from her fears.

Source

© 2015 Frank Atanacio

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    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thanks Vellur

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 2 years ago from Dubai

      Chilling to the bones, great write.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      bless you Audrey..Period

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      You are just a master at this genre Frank! This one grips and holds me--

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you annart :) for reading

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 2 years ago from SW England

      Truly spine-chilling, Frank. You've excelled yourself with this one. Gripping in more than one sense!

      Ann

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thanks James wolve

    • James-wolve profile image

      Tijani Achamlal 2 years ago from Morocco

      Fantastic story full of horror and suspense.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thanks Audrey

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 2 years ago from California

      This was a wow for me Frank! Really a great story!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you Lee Cloak

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      Lee Cloak 2 years ago

      Gripping from beginning to end Frank, awesome writing, really strong stuff, a brilliant end to a fantastic tale, voted up, Lee

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you so much Genna East

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 2 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Wow, Frank! Chilly evil that grips the reader from start to finish.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      hey thanks dghbrh.. for the votes :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thanks Cat on a soap box.... good to see you and thanks for stopping by :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      shyron thank you for reading and stopping by my page bless you...

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      kevin I thank you for reading my piece nonetheless ..thank you and Happy Father's day :)

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 2 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      Interestingly haunted as ever....Frank, great work done. Votes way up and sharing like always.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      cyndi10 thank you so much good to see you :)

    • cat on a soapbox profile image

      Catherine Tally 2 years ago from Los Angeles

      Chilling from the get-go and gripping until the end- well done!

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 years ago from Texas

      Awesome writing Frank. I like Kevin, do not like killing but, this you have to keep on reading, and hope that it is a dream.

      Voted up, AI and shared.

    • The Examiner-1 profile image

      The Examiner-1 2 years ago

      Since I do not like killing I will have to say that was awesome, but it was interesting Frank because it kept me reading from beginning to end. I voted up, shared and pinned it.

      Kevin

    • Cyndi10 profile image

      Cynthia B Turner 2 years ago from Georgia

      I've used up all my superlatives on your writing! You never fail to transfix your reader. Excellent.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you Eric for visiting my page bless you bro :) Frank

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Dana Tate thanks for sharing your comment will hit your pe t rturnthe favor.. bless you :) Frank

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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      Till, thank you so much for stopping by :) Frank

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      Eric B 2 years ago

      this was so cruel yet strong, I enjoyed the story-line and the realness, although the topic did shake me a bit. Great quick fiction my friend. E. Boyd

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 2 years ago from LOS ANGELES

      I am so pleased to have stumbled on this Frank. This was an awesome read! I wish I could find a better word to explain how much I enjoyed this but I don't think words can explain it. Coming from a person who loves scary movies, this piece was riveting, dramatic- with a touch of sadness. My eyes drunk in every word as I tried to probe the mind of this killer. You gave us a cliff-hanger- and I will now wait in hopeful anticipation that there will be a sequel. I'll be watching and waiting. Brilliant!!! voted wayyyyy up!

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      Mary Craig 2 years ago from New York

      Gripping and dripping with the evil that oft grabs men's souls! You know it's well done when your fiction's reality makes readers squirm.

      Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      hey thanks Blaine for checking out my Intrusion :)... Frank

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      Blaine Roberts 2 years ago

      I love the first paragragh it pulls you right into the story. I think I'd like this Flash Fiction my friend thanks for sharing it Peace

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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      maybe false remorse huh JJ... thank you for stopping by B-234 :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank my dear Faith always good to see you..LOL yeah firing up watermelons does sound silly.. you did say you were working on something.. so sitting here waiting for you to publish :) bless you real good girl.. snoops

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      JJ Parker 2 years ago

      This crazy sob has remorse? am I reading this correctly, perhaps a schizo? nonetheless I like the power you have in your words when you tell this tale. JJ

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Dearest Virtual Friend, Frank,

      I came back to vote up being you are truly the master of horror and suspense. I will lurk around your pages for a bit and see what else needs a vote up : ) Oh, fyi, we don't fire up watermelons down south here LOL, but some do cork them with an upside down bottle of vodka ...guess that could be called firing up a watermelon possibly. You won't know what hit you that's for sure after eating a couple of slices.

      I get it now, the "the blank space" song : )

      God bless you and your little dog too Up +++

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you so much PS.. bless you

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      Patricia Scott 2 years ago from sunny Florida

      O my, Frank. I did not want to keep reading after I discovered what was happening.

      But I had to.

      Gripping.

      Yes that is the word. I was held on this page till I read every word.

      That is what it takes for me to keep reading: a purpose, words that ensnare me and compel me to read on.

      Well done.

      voted up++++

      Angels are headed your way this evening. ps

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      @ Faith.. I got a blank space Baby and I'll write your name... LOL I love your comments.. period.

      aviannovice sorry about the mud slinging going on here I think somebody left the windows open in the torture chamber... nonetheless welcome to my neck of the woods.. Ill be over to pay a visit to you in kind bless you

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      As Ray Bradbury so aptly titled a book, "something wicked this way comes." Well done, and utterly fiendish.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      LOL We southerners, dear one, do love our watermelon, but now I will have that image in my brain for now it is watermelon season ...I mean the kind you eat.

      Being it IS fiction ...However, the world is already full of such happenings in reality, what's the point? The mind is the main battlefield for satan.

      This piece of yours here reminds me of that Pat Benatar song "Hell is for Children" well, this kind of hell certainly is indeed. Oh, you can include that as a video here, just add a video why don't you?

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      but my dear one.. this is FICTION.. so go ahead fire that watermelon up..

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Right? Well, that kind of evil (those whose minds are taken over) does exist in the world, unfortunately, so really it could very well be nonfiction.

      I will never eat another watermelon ... : )

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thanks Clive... and Thank you Faith for commenting and expressing your feelings.. thank goodness it's only fiction.. right? anyways thank you for reading it anyways.. bless you both

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      This one is particularly disturbing and gruesome, even for you, Frank! You have portrayed pure evil here that turns one's stomach.

      Oh, I hope you are not going to keep on this trend of writing about harming sweet precious children in such a horrendous manner, as this is the second one in a row of late. The evildoers deserve such torment and believe me, in reality, even if those who commit such sick deeds against children may think they will not ever be discovered and, if so, they better think again, for they will be dealt with, believe me!

      Another night of sweet dreams ahead for me ...NOT. However, I can rest assured knowing evil will not win when it's all said and done!

      Thanks fright night Frank

      Oh, the best part is your photo there at the end by Evelia : )

    • clivewilliams profile image

      Clive Williams 2 years ago from Nibiru

      sweeeeeeeettttt.....marvelous ma boy

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you so much Eric and Jodah for stopping by and commenting on my intrusion bless you both :)

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Wow Frank, this is Gruesome with a capital "G". You are the master of this type of writing and your descriptions and detail leave me in awe.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 2 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Sadistically seductive. Not one wasted word. I think I stopped breathing while I read this. Well done.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you so much MsDora

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      Dora Isaac Weithers 2 years ago from The Caribbean

      Another good story! Death comes as a relief to the experience of brutality. Seems like there's no way to overcome evil. Sad but true for many.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you Billybuc for stopping by

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      Bill Holland 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Grab the reader with the opening sentence...and you did that in spades. Great write!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      I'm sorry I think..LOL so glad you stopped by anyways fpherj48 always good to see you

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Deep, dark and terribly gruesome.......so, since that's what you meant to convey, this is awesomely successful. I'm not really into blood, guts and fright...This is especially freakish because the victim is an innocent child.

      Another nightmare compliments of Frank.........UP+++

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thanks Chris :)

    • Chris Antonaros profile image

      Christos Antonaros 2 years ago from Athens, Greece

      That's a good one!

    • Frank Atanacio profile image
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      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      thank you Flourishanyway :)

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      Haunting and truly evil.