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More lymericks of the seasonal sort...

Updated on December 19, 2012

Old Chrimbo Stocking

There once was an old Christmas stocking,

whose lining was in need of stitching.

St Nick was insulted,

which directly resulted,

in the owner receiving a beating.


Bountiful Gladys

On top of a fir tree in Paris,

sat an angel named Bountiful Gladys.

While she was up there

she'd bless all the glassware

and order in scotch, gin and haggis.


Present Pile

There once was a huge pile of presents,

Which, I'm sure you'll agree, does sound pleasant.

It tumbled and scattered,

not that it mattered,

St Nick brought some more and a pheasant.


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    • Dan Barfield profile image
      Author

      Dan Barfield 4 years ago from Gloucestershire, England, UK

      Thanks for the comment midget38! I'm glad to have given a little amusement on this fine Christmas morning! :)

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Dan, I loved these limericks, especially the first! Thanks for sharing, and I pass it on.

    • alancaster149 profile image

      Alan R Lancaster 4 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

      All right, all right, just fill the cap an' pass on yer way, Guv. Look, there's a queue behind you! Aw, bless yer (flamin' toff, another brass washer)!

    • Dan Barfield profile image
      Author

      Dan Barfield 4 years ago from Gloucestershire, England, UK

      Ha ha ha!! Fabulous! I don't know where I got that spelling of Limerick quite frankly. I read it like that the first time I saw it and to me it just doesn't look right any other way. A silly affectation... but then this is the right genre of poetry for silliness I reckon :)

    • alancaster149 profile image

      Alan R Lancaster 4 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

      This has to be the South Dorset spelling of Limerick, as coined at Lyme(rick) Regis by the French Lieutenant's Woman. 'Ere, that gives me an idea,

      "On the harbour wall at Lyme,

      Santa was watching his time.

      He saw a young woman,

      She was a long time in comin',

      An' waitin' for midnight to chime!"

      Thankyou, thankyou, penny for the g-, er sorry wrong season. A few pennies for the wife'n kids in the cap - thanks Guvnor, bless yer 'eart! (Merry Chrimbo an' all that guff - any more foreign coins like that an' I can open an exchange bureau! Oi, that one's a button - tight as sh***)