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A Wedding and A Broken Heart

Updated on June 27, 2017

Every time I would look into his eyes it was like every amazing moment in my life was looking back at me. Everyday I spent with him, I would find another reason for why I loved him so deeply. I loved that boy. But, he’s happy with someone else now. My biggest nightmare has become a reality. I lost the love of my life.

Every day I drown in a tub of ice cream, watching movies and cuddling with my puppy he surprised me with back on my twenty-second birthday. Having her was like I still had a part of him with me. Every night I drown myself in my thoughts wondering what I could’ve done differently or what I even did to deserve this pain in my heart. I miss him. And I don’t think I’ll stop missing him, or even loving him.

We had every thing planned: The wedding, how we wanted two kids, and the house we planned to get. Everything I dreamed of with him was thrown away in just a blink of an eye. It's been exactly 452 days without him and everyday I think about him, and wonder what he’s up to, and if he’s happy with his soon to be wife. I was invited to the wedding that’s just a month away but, there is no way I would possibly go.

I ran into him last week in our favorite coffee shop just a block away from my apartment. We talked for almost an hour about how things were, his fiance and how she’s a few weeks pregnant. Every time we speak I get this urge to just ask him why? What did I do wrong? If I could turn back time and do something differently then I would. Losing him was like losing a piece of me that I will never get back. He changed me. And it’s so hard to carry on with my day when all I have on my mind is him.

Today is the wedding and I don’t know how to react or even say. I’ve decided to go. I thought that I should support the man that was always there for me when I needed him most and the man that I will continue to love. As hard as it will be, I think that i'm doing the right thing.

I put on my lilac dress that he used to love and my white heels with my hair curled and my makeup freshly done. I was ready. Although today is going to be one of the hardest days of my life, it’s his best and I want to be there for it. Seeing him happy made me happy and that’s all I wanted, but also deep down inside, it kills me.

The bride walked down the aisle with her father who was leading her to the man who was once my love and my everything. He looked perfect. It finally hit me he would never be with me and I had to move on and forget about the love we once had. Although that was impossible, I had to.

The years we spent together are moments I will cherish forever. He was my first everything. First love, kiss, and heartbreak. I now know what it feels like to be truly hurt. I loved him and everything about him. He’s happy now. Happy without me.

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