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About Freelance Writing - The Duality Of Soap

Updated on June 6, 2012

Steal This Soap

photo thanks to fattytuna on the Flickr "amazing quality shower gel rarely found as a hotel amenity"  +  "this is the cutest soap you will ever steal from a hotel. enjoy it."
photo thanks to fattytuna on the Flickr "amazing quality shower gel rarely found as a hotel amenity" + "this is the cutest soap you will ever steal from a hotel. enjoy it."

Freelance Writing About Anything

So, I will admit that I am not above learning more about freelance writing by venturing through the list of desired topics posted across internet freelance sites in an effort to supplement my supplemental income. Now, I am not about to write 100 articles for $10, and if you can make more money at Fiver than you can writing an article, it probably should be reconsidered. Besides, apparently I have comma amnesia whereas I have lost all recollection of any comma usage rules that school teachers ever tried to teach me. Some specific sites (not to mention any names but you'll know if you have tried many of them) would relegate my efforts to the B-list for such omissions. I feel it much more productive to work on my own passive income streams rather than add to someone else's anyhow.

But, to the point, I found a freelance bid that specifically asked for humorous and energetic writing style for page filler on a web-based testing tool. The tool was an online SOAP testing tool for IT nerds. I looked at the examples of similar sites as outlined by the buyer and thought I might have a little fun with this one. So I wrote this:


" There is no worse first world problem than running out of soap. Don't you hate when you run out of soap in the middle of a shower and have to proceed to wash with plain tap water. Perhaps you are the more resourceful type who continues washing with a handful of shampoo. Then there is the planner type who sees days in advance that the soap is getting low and proceeds to stretch out the supply by mixing two parts water to one part of the remaining soap product.

This person will inevitably perform the same frugal procedure even if it is a $0.99 bottle of Dial that was purchased with a 50 cent coupon. Scientists spent years determining just the right rheological formula in order to give the best texture to the soap, and it is all ruined for the next unexpecting person who goes to wash his hands and gets colored water that files between the fingers on its way to the sink drain, while leaving even less in the palm than would have been had before the surgical procedure. Johnson & Johnson stock probably wavers if enough continue this. No, there is no worse problem than running out of soap, and that is why the Online Soap Tester (actual url omitted) website is here to make sure that it never happens to you.

There is just a slight difference. The SOAP in this case stands for simple object access protocol, but that is no matter. Run the quick check here to make sure that the SOAP service is working properly from your server. Insure that it is accessible and behaving properly using the quick and effortless tool. No need to write a soap client to do this for you when this handy tool can be bookmarked and used any time that you are troubleshooting an issue. Do you suspect that the SOAP service has taken the day off and turned off all the phones? Now you can know for sure.

The time saved with this tool will give you the minutes you need in order to go to the store after you get off of work today. There is no more reason for excuses. Don't be the soap water downer anymore. In fact, the money saved from the extra time gained through the use of this tool probably will be enough to stock up. No more stealing from the hotel rooms. Sure you still have the towels and other accessories... baby steps my friend. Ping the simple object access protocol service on your server right now with no further ado. Time is everything and now you have the tool and the knowledge to do the right thing. Just make sure to take that shower you skipped this morning."


I was quite happy with this and sent it off to be approved. Now, the only reason I didn't write a completely technical, boring and topic-specific article is because the freelance buyer had specifically called for humor. Also, the example sites listed veered like this into casual conversation.

Well, I got a prompt response back: "This site is not about soap." That about sums up the rejection letter. It's a hard knock life for the freelance writer.


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    • profile image

      whowas 5 years ago

      Funny read, I enjoyed it.

      I stayed in a hotel once where the soap was in small plastic sachets similar to the ones for sauces in some food chains. I struggled and struggled to open this thing until finally I did the obvious. Grabbing the soap sachet firmly between thumb and finger, I tore it open with my teeth.

      I have been frothing at the mouth ever since. And my breath smells cheap.


    • againsttheodds profile image

      againsttheodds 5 years ago

      TToombs08, apparently not. At least in this case I could repurpose it for use on this site and give a few people a laugh.

    • againsttheodds profile image

      againsttheodds 5 years ago

      Rain Defence, who knew there was so much humor in soap. That is a funny hotel story. It is nice to when places show a unique sense of humor with little amenities that separate them from the competition. There are so many variations on soap that it could be a collector's dream niche.

    • againsttheodds profile image

      againsttheodds 5 years ago

      unknown spy thanks for the read. Your stealth comment is appreciated.

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      lol! I guess they didn't appreciate your humor. Nerds! :) Voted up and MORE!

    • Rain Defence profile image

      Rain Defence 5 years ago from UK

      I was at a hotel once, I can't recall in which country. The soap in the bathroom was called R soap. Yes, if you say it out loud, then it is Arse Soap. I obviously stole the bottle and have it on display in my bathroom as it made me laugh.

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 5 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Great write! voted up.