About Freelance Writing - The Duality Of Soap
Steal This Soap
SOAP versus Simple Object Access Protocol
Freelance Writing About Anything
So, I will admit that I am not above learning more about freelance writing by venturing through the list of desired topics posted across internet freelance sites in an effort to supplement my supplemental income. Now, I am not about to write 100 articles for $10, and if you can make more money at Fiver than you can writing an article, it probably should be reconsidered. Besides, apparently I have comma amnesia whereas I have lost all recollection of any comma usage rules that school teachers ever tried to teach me. Some specific sites (not to mention any names but you'll know if you have tried many of them) would relegate my efforts to the B-list for such omissions. I feel it much more productive to work on my own passive income streams rather than add to someone else's anyhow.
But, to the point, I found a freelance bid that specifically asked for humorous and energetic writing style for page filler on a web-based testing tool. The tool was an online SOAP testing tool for IT nerds. I looked at the examples of similar sites as outlined by the buyer and thought I might have a little fun with this one. So I wrote this:
" There is no worse first world problem than running out of soap. Don't you hate when you run out of soap in the middle of a shower and have to proceed to wash with plain tap water. Perhaps you are the more resourceful type who continues washing with a handful of shampoo. Then there is the planner type who sees days in advance that the soap is getting low and proceeds to stretch out the supply by mixing two parts water to one part of the remaining soap product.
This person will inevitably perform the same frugal procedure even if it is a $0.99 bottle of Dial that was purchased with a 50 cent coupon. Scientists spent years determining just the right rheological formula in order to give the best texture to the soap, and it is all ruined for the next unexpecting person who goes to wash his hands and gets colored water that files between the fingers on its way to the sink drain, while leaving even less in the palm than would have been had before the surgical procedure. Johnson & Johnson stock probably wavers if enough continue this. No, there is no worse problem than running out of soap, and that is why the Online Soap Tester (actual url omitted) website is here to make sure that it never happens to you.
There is just a slight difference. The SOAP in this case stands for simple object access protocol, but that is no matter. Run the quick check here to make sure that the SOAP service is working properly from your server. Insure that it is accessible and behaving properly using the quick and effortless tool. No need to write a soap client to do this for you when this handy tool can be bookmarked and used any time that you are troubleshooting an issue. Do you suspect that the SOAP service has taken the day off and turned off all the phones? Now you can know for sure.
The time saved with this tool will give you the minutes you need in order to go to the store after you get off of work today. There is no more reason for excuses. Don't be the soap water downer anymore. In fact, the money saved from the extra time gained through the use of this tool probably will be enough to stock up. No more stealing from the hotel rooms. Sure you still have the towels and other accessories... baby steps my friend. Ping the simple object access protocol service on your server right now with no further ado. Time is everything and now you have the tool and the knowledge to do the right thing. Just make sure to take that shower you skipped this morning."
I was quite happy with this and sent it off to be approved. Now, the only reason I didn't write a completely technical, boring and topic-specific article is because the freelance buyer had specifically called for humor. Also, the example sites listed veered like this into casual conversation.
Well, I got a prompt response back: "This site is not about soap." That about sums up the rejection letter. It's a hard knock life for the freelance writer.