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Addict to Addict and Back to Me Again
Why try-Why change-When the world always appears the same?
So here we are... Living in a world full of judgement, hate, violence, confusion and resentment. At least that is where I lived, until I decided to break away from what life had been consisting of and change where I was. I still reside at the same address, but the world has become more peaceful, loving, sharing and willing to accept, because I am willing to feel.
For anyone who has ever had a habit that took them, embraced them and clouded their perception of life and the world, I may not know you, but I understand your fear and your reasoning behind staying the way that you have become. The only thing that is more frightening than continuing to live and die on the path you have allowed yourself to follow, is changing and living without what you have become accustomed to.
I can not lie and say that life is perfect when you are sober. I can not tell you that problems do not exist in the land of sobriety. I can not promise that life will become easier and you will be happier, but I can promise that the clarity is real and somewhere within you you have the strength to survive without the crutch. When you can feel without what you use- you will know that you are once again real, and being real again is worth the effort and even worth the pain. Because you deserve more, and you deserve to be and feel real.
Headlock- A song about a girl who struggles with addiction
This is about who you are and what you are going to do to gain your control
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Reality isn't so real
Deep down in dungeons,
Buried in your soul,
You are caught in a whirlpool,
Trying to find a way to home.
Reality isn’t so real,
You have made sure of that,
Take a breath in,
Give up another moment.
No need to deal with life,
When life is abstracted,
And loses reason to be justified.
Get high- go low,
Sleep tight- lose time,
When you become scared of shadows,
You avoid at all costs the light.
No one can hear your plea,
You scream for nothing.
All that surrounds you,
Are just as you were,
Stay high- Go low,
Lose everything you know.
Pretend you are better,
So you can look others in the eye.
Pretend this isn’t forever,
To convince yourself this isn’t the way you die.
Everyone is at a distance,
So close not to be touched.
No one really knows you,
Because you have lost your soul.
Feel a glimpse of hope,
Avoid listening to it.
One more chance forgotten,
One less moment.
Carry the left over into tomorrow,
Right over into time.
Put yourself through hell,
So you can have one more chance at life.
Knowing this will hurt,
And be the hardest thing you ever do.
Also knowing you must lose the high,
Before the high loses you.
Dizzy spells and words from hell,
Pain unbearable to bare.
What is so honest about this,
To want to feel this way.
More lost than ever before,
Now all alone,
No one even knows who I am, ‘
I’m not even sure who I ever was.
Temptation tries to reach for me,
I feel the familiar touch.
Never before did I want more,
Than to know once more that love.
The love is laced with poison,
It fills me with pleasure and pain.
Sinking slowly into darkness,
Afraid to stay away.
There is no familiar feel of reality,
When you lived your life in hell.
Pull from within the pain and sin,
And what makes your loss worth believing in.
I tell my pain,
I tell it this way,
For you to believe,
That life can be changed.
That within your sin,
Within the poison,
You have the strength,
To gain your life back again.