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Adventures of Niko

Updated on June 10, 2011

Adventures of Niko

For some time now I've been told "you should write a book" because of the crazy stories I share with friends and family. Instead of Murphy's Law it's Niko's Law in my little world. Anything and everything that can go wrong will go wrong for me. So I decided to start writing little blogs about the reality I live in and maybe give someone a good laugh . So here we go....

My warning to women about Chicken Cutlets

A few years ago for a birthday present a good friend of mine thought it would be funny to give me a gift that I could REALLY use. Because of my very small bra size 32A, she gave me the silicone bra inserts that look like chicken cutlets. When I opened the gift in front of God and everyone we all had a good laugh and I never really gave them a second thought. A few months later I had to attend a big party that a well known athlete was hosting. At the time I was in a long term relationship with an athlete and compared to his previous girlfriends I was below average in the looks department. With this said I was quite nervous about attending the party and really wanted to look like the beauty queen on his arm. I went out and bought a beautiful dress that was low cut in the front, had my hair and make-up done at the top salon in town and borrowed the best bling from my girlfriend. I only had one issue, because my dress was low cut and because I have the chest size of a 12 year old girl I looked simply ridiculous. All the make-up, hair products, bling and hot dress in the world could not hide the fact that I had absolutely no boobs. I reluctantly went to my drawer and pulled out the chicken cutlets and thought what the heck. After a few minutes I went from a 12 year old girl to 22 year old play-mate! I was so excited and thought I have found my new best friend. We went off to the party and everyone was complimenting me, I felt like the bell of the ball. Every once in awhile I would go in the ladies room check and make sure all was still in place and continue on. However, after a few glasses of wine my "checking in" slowed down and eventually stopped. Later that night after some dancing and more drinks I was talking to the host, the well know athlete, and his wife and kept noticing their long looks at my chest. I, being overly confident thought it was because they were in awe of my fabulous boobs, yah not so much! My boyfriend, also a well know athlete, comes walking up behind them as we're in the middle of our conversation and looked at me as if he had seen a ghost. He immediately backs up from behind them and starts pointing at his chest. Trying to figure out what he was doing, carry on a conversation after one to many drinks and overlook their obsessive stares to my chest I was quite confused. But I soon realized what in the heck was going on! My chicken cutlet had popped out of my bra and was sitting dead center on my chest, which was giving me literally a third nipple clear as day. I looked down horrified, looked up by this point they're on the verge of laughing hysterically and were trying to hold it in. So I reached down grabbed my cutlet put it back in my bra and said oops excuse me, can't believe that popped out. We all began laughing except for my horrified boyfriend, the 3 of us did a cheers with our glasses and went right back to the fun of the night. Needless to say I decided the cutlets were not for me and have not used them again and my story is always told over drinks when our group gets together.


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