Advice Columnist, Gabby Van Gibberish, Responds to Holiday Letters
82 year old Advice Columnist, back at the Keyboard
When last we heard about Miss Gabby, Van Gibberish, renowned Advice Columnist, via Associated Press, her agent reported that Gabby had suffered a severe writer's burn-out and crash.
For the past month, our dear Gabby has been a resident at Shady Haven Rest Home, receiving much needed rest, relaxation and some TLC. Her progress has been astounding. One of the many forms of therapy used by the facility's Geriatric Staff, has been to allow Gabby free access to a computer, where she is most comfortable.
Mail from Gabby's hundreds of thousands of fans, flowed in daily. It was decided that Gabby should get back into the groove of what she has always done best and submit her replies to some of these fans. Here, we have published her latest column, which can be found today, in major newspapers across the country. We know you will be pleased with Gabby's ongoing recovery.
December 19th, 2016 Associated Press
Dear Gabby.............The Holidays stress me out terribly. I am tired, impatient and ornery all the time. As hard as I try, I cannot be happy.
As a result, no one calls me or comes to visit. I fear I will receive no Christmas gifts. This only depresses me more. What do you suggest?
Down & Out in Denver
Dear Down & Out,
What do I suggest for what?....your stress, fatigue, impatience, loneliness or depression? Pick one! I am a busy woman.
In the meantime, get a grip and resign yourself to a life of misery. The key is to accept who you really are. It's all about acceptance AND ADMITTING YOUR FAULTS.
If this is how your year ends up in December, I see little hope for you in the New Year.....I'm guessin you know this!. Who do you think you're kidding? I don't perform miracles!
Have a Nice Day,
Dear Gabby..........Every year, I spend much time and quite a sum of money, to find the perfect gift for my husband. I wrap it lovingly, with beautiful Holiday gift wrap and bows. I present it to him along with a kiss and say, "I love you."
It never fails, year after year, he casually hands me some cheap, last minute crap, unwrapped and doesn't even hug me on Christmas morning.
How can I change this?
Feeling Cheated in Florida
Dear Feeling Cheated,
By changing husbands! Better hurry. Six more days til Christmas.....ROFLMAO!
Dear Gabby..........My kids are spoiled rotten. They hand me a long list of Christmas gift demands, from high end stores with designer labels.
They're very fussy and want only certain styles and colors. They also expect a large cash gift, so if they choose to return something, they can replace it with something more expensive. This seems to me like a bit much. What do you think?
Pressured Mom in Pittsburgh
Dear Pressured Mom,
I think you are absolutely correct. Your kids are spoiled rotten.
In your next life, use birth control and buy a dog.
Finally....To my Faithful Fans....
I want to take this opportunity to extend Holiday Greetings to all of my devoted readers and friends.
It is because of you that I am a Millionaire and can afford the luxury of an Elite Rest Home, with round the clock care and fabulous amenities.....Spa, pool, recreation, massage parlor, gourmet meals. What a Paradise!
I am so pleased that you have all had difficulties and issues in your screwed up lives. Even more, it is my blessing that none of you have a brain in your head nor the sense God gave a monkey, to handle these problems without my advice.
Best of all.....That you have been so loyal and grateful for the bull that I feed you, you return again and again for more .
Hoping you survive the economic disaster, which is clearly only going to get worse, on a daily basis. Keep your chins up! Some of us win, most of you, lose......and keep those cards and letters coming.
Peace & Joy..........Gabby Van Gibberish