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Afraid To Love You

Updated on July 15, 2013
Afraid to love, but ready to rely on God.
Afraid to love, but ready to rely on God. | Source

Memories of a hurtful relationship can stay alive in the back of one's mind for a long time, even when something reminds a person, a reaction to something can jog a reaction, weaken an individual and perhaps cripple someone, even to the point that it can set a person back. Once the source of the stress is identified as being associated to a bad memory, the behavior can stop.

Recently, a child pointed in play a pretend gun towards me and it actually frightened me. I responded by running away, crying and panting. I asked the Lord quickly to reveal to me why I behaved that way. The memory came back of the spouse this writer once had who, with a violent temper, used to threaten this writer with a supposed gun to attack perhaps if I ever left him for someone else. The calming came as the words were verbally repeated to myself, "He's dead, he's dead". (Truly, this man passed away almost three years ago.)

This is a poem lyric which was written which actually can relate to how this writer felt in that abusive relationship.

Afraid To Love You

Climbing this hill so rocky and steep

Why are these things in my way?

Pulling the cloud away from the skies,

Hoping to see the light of day.

I'm so afraid to love you.

Oh, how it hurts,

Such a beautiful thing.

Why can't I even show you now

All the joy and the sadness you bring.

I thought I saw clearly above the horizon

But you pulled the shades that darkened my dream.

Life appears to me as a beautiful ocean

Vast and so rhythmic,

But salty and green.

You showed that you loved me,

Yet you said you don't know- maybe you never knew,

I was blinded with your warmth and affection,

From that illusion, my heart for you grew.

Why is it wrong to love you?

I thought you were my perfection and joy.

Feeling tossed aside like a broken toy;

Only God can repair me, no one else knows

How my heart aches as this memory of you grows.

Copyright @2012 CMCastro

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    • viveresperando profile image

      viveresperando 5 years ago from A Place Where Nothing Is Real

      Thank you for your understanding. Really intense, emotional, and very well written! :)

    • Ann1Az2 profile image

      Ann1Az2 5 years ago from Orange, Texas

      Thank you for this heart-felt side of you, CM. We glance yet into another depth of your personality. It is good that you have overcome. God is indeed good.

      Well done and voted up.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and awesome. Powerful emotions here and yes, God can heal.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Beautifully written. I can relate. Fear is the most horrible feeling and you expressed it so well. Thank you for sharing..

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 5 years ago from southern USA

      Powerful hub here, and it is God who heals the broken. Excellent hub. In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 5 years ago from Finland

      Very touching story and poem.