ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

All I Ever Wanted Was To Be Loved For Who I Really Am

Updated on December 22, 2014

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." -Elbert Hubbard

To say that I avoided criticism, would be a lie. I have had to deal with criticism all my life, like most of you who are reading this. However, that criticism should have made me hard, but it didn't. Actually, it desensitized me. Whenever I am faced with criticism, I just shrug it off as if it's nothing because honestly, it is nothing to me.

But, I won't bore you with the explanation of that. Let's talk about all the people who criticized me; family, friends and random people who I don't really know. But for the sake of this article, I am only going to focus on the biggest critics, my family and people at school.

My first cousin on my mother's side is like a sister to me. Our mothers are sisters and because we were raised by their mother, we were forced to live like sisters. Now, she is the brainy type. The one who always excelled academically. I was the one who had the dashing good looks (I say this very sarcastically).

We went to elementary and middle school (or junior high for the old school folks) together. Therefore, we always had the same professors and friends. Because she was the one who never got into trouble and was always the "golden child", people loved her and they would always say to me, "Why can't you be smart like her?"

Now, let's pause because I'm starting to feel some type of way.

Let's move on....

I would always get mad whenever I heard this because I believed I was smart. I wasn't a bad student, I was just the social student. I had friends and I wasn't going to lock myself in my room and just focus on my studies. (I'm not saying my cousin was like this, but she was a nerd.)

I was a people person. I had charisma and she didn't. Sometimes, I think people liked being around me because I was pretty. I didn't want to be labeled as the pretty one. I wanted to be seen as the smart one.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Being pretty is nice". But it isn't, because once people see you as pretty, they don't notice anything else. I always believed that I had to be pretty because that's what people wanted. I would act as if there was no brain in my head. Although, I knew I was and still am smart. Despite people always saying I was pretty, I never felt pretty because I knew there was more to me than my looks. I knew there was a heart that cared and brain that had more knowledge than some of these degree holding people.

I made good grades in school, mostly Bs. I didn't mind Bs because it meant I was passing. However, all the Bs in the world couldn't match my cousin's A+ average.

My family always idolized her because of her grades and intellect, but I was always the one who just couldn't make it to the top. I was the one whose teachers called the house and said I was being disruptive in class, which is semi-true. As I mentioned earlier, I was the social person. The one who always had friends, which meant I was always talking in class. I didn't mind being in trouble because it is what I lived for.

If people wanted me to be pretty, then that is what they were going to get. I was the pretty girl who loved to talk and talk is what I did.

Talking is what made me who I am. I could talk all day. People listened and I loved it. I loved the attention because I wasn't getting the attention from home.

In my family's eyes, I was a bad-ass. But in strangers' eyes, I was the good girl. Playing those roles felt good, very liberating. I could be who I wanted and I didn't care what anyone thought.

The only down side was I got confused as to who I was. I was wearing too many masks, which sent me down a spiraling path.

I would get in trouble in school a lot. However, my family never knew about it because by this time, I was in high school and no one called home in high school. I used my charisma to my advantage. (I won't go into details.)

In high school, I was again labeled as the pretty girl and all the guys wanted to date me, but only two did. I had standards. But this is besides the point.

My point is when everyone is putting labels on you and you're trying to adopt the roles of each category, you lose yourself. I wanted to be what my family wanted, the troublemaker and I wanted to be what my school mates wanted, the good girl. But I never asked myself, "What do I want?"

And the answer to that question is, I just want to be myself, whomever that may be. And I want to be loved for being Shay.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Shay L profile imageAUTHOR

      Shay Lee 

      4 years ago from Florida


    • bigj1969 profile image

      John Marshall 

      4 years ago from glasgow

      Wonderfull hub,truthfull.unfortunately people are very quick to label long as your true to yourself,that's all that matters.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)