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Lonely, have you really felt this totally alone feeling. Trying to be brave and carry on, acting as
if it is all okay , you are fine, but deep inside feeling the desire to Love someone again, yes a
personal physical,caring someone. Being alone is difficult.
Though there are many women as well as men, who are in their senior years living alone, it is
not easy. While "growing up" always believing your senior years were for retirement and a
companion by your side to live out the remainder of your life. To just spend your time the way
you want, sleep in, stay up late,take a nap,enjoy your grandchildren and not want for money.
After all you have saved your money, retirement plans and insurances to cover whatever
might come about.
None of that matters though when you have no one to share with. Eating, preparing meals
alone is really boring,even cleaning the house , though it gives you something to do, isn't
enough. Socializing becomes a real challenge, bars are not where a senior wants to go to
meet someone, dating sites are just plain out of the question, (though there are some that find
each other this way,) senior centers are so planned and admit it, we slow down, each has their
own medical troubles, gain weight, get flabby, and yes feel sorry for ourselves. Until you reach
this point in your life you cannot, will not understand.
When it all started, feeling lonely was the last thing thought about. Just released from a
situation that was no longer true, special, or the way it used to be . Happiness in between the
sadness was still fun, and dreams still played a big part in everyday joys. Actually feeling
somewhat comfortable being alone and still able to perform most tasks with jest and eager to
make it work, after all still feeling young must count.
Changes can bring around so many thoughts, thoughts about who you really are, and what
you never had the chance to become, because of the pressures placed upon what society
said was Okay. Religious beliefs that held you back and the thought that you weren't worthy of
anything better then what you had. Be glad you had a place to live,food on the table, a
husband, and children. The job you were suppose to take on full time was taking care of
everyone else and if there was any time left, you were allowed to spend it on yourself. Maybe?
Being young was a real super challenge,back in the days of our youth.Those days didn't seem
fast at the time, it was very un-nerving to even think about old age, was always something that
grandparents and great aunts and uncles were into. Some youngsters had the fortune of
growing up knowing their grandparents, aunts,uncles and were close to them. Then there
were some which never experienced that joy. So "old" was a distant worry not to worry about,
after all it was years and years away.
Somehow those years fly by and you aren't even aware of it, at first anyways. Then one day
you turn 60 or 70 and you wonder what the heck happened? You haven't really changed that
much,your mind and heart are full of things you still want to accomplish,but time waits for no-
one. Evidentially you come to the realization you are now the "old" one. The one the family
looks at and says,"poor Grandma" she is having a hard time these days. "How old is she
Lonely, yes she is lonely as hell, but doesn't want to speak about it,doesn't want anyone to
feel sorry for her, she knows she has had a great life,maybe not able to do all the things one
thinks they can do, or wants to do,but she has been around, experienced wonderful moments
and love, aww... love that is where we began. Love is what she wants to "FEEL" again, and not
just within her thoughts and prayers. The warmth that another brings, the thrill of just sitting
together, discussing the everyday little things that now seem so important. To be able to
cuddle and tell your most special secrets to,understanding the touch of a hand, laughter from
within, even worry is a feeling to share.
Talking a loud to oneself , the cat or dog,is just not quite the same as hearing another voice
answer you, whisper in your ear,singing a song,humming,even cough. Sounds silly? Well it
isn't silly, it is being alone, feeling alone, and wanting company.
Maybe it is all the final test we must go through, living with ourselves to see just what we really
are like. How we handle things on our own. If we care about other's, if our faith is still there and
if we can endure what is put before us. Do we have a choice? Perhaps to some point we do,
but basically old is old and old is Lonely in every way. You are alone with all your thoughts,
with all your guilt, with everything you do on a daily basis.
I am just writing this down because there is no one to actually say it to. I know there are many
lonely older folks out there and maybe this will help in some way, we are not alone...so smile,
cry, shout, but be happy, time is short enough...go sliding in saying "What a hell of a
ride"..Thank You Lord !!!
:O) Hugs, as always, G-Ma