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Alone, to be with myself

Updated on July 26, 2010

I see their faces, in this lonely place

And I know I shall not see them again

The pain is shown upon troubled brows

The eyes that look as if they cannot see

Settle amongst old memories and straight through me

Gleaming when they smile with joy

Perhaps as a young girl or a fresh boy

Hearts secrets they alone carry within

Standing tall , proud and without sin

Old age is a funny thing, that seems so far away

A place we all will be sooner or later, One Day !

The unsettled way they make me feel,

A beat out of rhythm, a sorrow no one can truly know

Body disfigured, mind is lost, and heart still wants to flow

Suffer for me, suffer with me, then please set me free.

If one could read another's mind? What a tale a thought might tell?

This road may seem Heaven to you, but to me ?...Hell

To be left in a stranger's hand, they just do not understand

My fears, my tears, my needs, and my demands

Alone to be with myself, to face the end silently I Pray

Oh God forgive me my sins and take me home TODAY.

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    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      frogyfish..I do know YOU understand and I pray for you everyday...thanks for taking time to encourage me...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • frogyfish profile image

      frogyfish 7 years ago from Central United States of America

      Suffer for me, then suffer with me...and then let me go...

      How truly realistic, how sad, yet there is always Hope and the realization of final blessings! And memories, G-ma!

      Thank you for this beautiful expression/experience hub.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Bob...You are a wise Man..and though I Realize what you say is true...and I can understand the pain He went through is in no way equal to any we shall endure, my heart aches to see this frail 90 year old woman so defenseless. He is the Way and the Light and I will endure whatever it takes, but I need to release and this seems to be where I feel safe.

      Thank You for your words of encouragement..I read them and take them very seriously...God Bless...:O) Hugs G-Ma

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      Robert E Smith 7 years ago from Rochester, New York

      I understand. I would rather be home than here and of no use to the Lord to witness and usher others home. But the thing is that silence is sometimes a testimony that witnesses of a great life and can point others to the gospel they have already heard. If God wants to keep me here to endure this, it is not easy to say, but it would be okay with me. I hurt for you but others may be effected for their eternal good by seeing her and working with her. God loves her and you. I love you too, Ma. Bob.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Peggy...I do know that my dear...That's why all this is so tough now, she is so frail, so defenseless and so sweet...words just can't describe my feelings...Thank you for the comment and my Prayers to you for such a Lose..God Bless You...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

      My mother died this January and although her memory was slipping and her body becoming more frail, I'd give anything to be able to hear her voice or feel her touch again. Try and enjoy whatever small pleasures you can get...a look...a touch...even an uttered word that carries some meaning. Although it is hard, you will miss your Mom when she is gone. Hugs to you and your Mom.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
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      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      celinewayne...Thank you my newest Fan, glad to have you aboard... :O) Hugs G-Ma GBU 2

    • celinewayne profile image

      celinewayne 7 years ago

      awesome =)

      i love reading your poem of "alone, to be myself"

      so deep in emotion, just rated it UP =)

      thanks for sharing, G-ma. GBU

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      coffeesnob...YW...and Thank You my dear...:O) Hugs G-Ma

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      coffeesnob 7 years ago

      So powerful. Thanks for sharing this

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
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      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      I really just released some of my frustration at the system that screws our elderly..Hi Sweet Lady, you are always here for me Love You...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • Raven King profile image

      Raven King 7 years ago from Cabin Fever

      G-Ma you bared your heart and soul. Thanks for the inspiration!

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      eovery THANK YOU:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • eovery profile image

      eovery 7 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

      Long time no hear. Nice to see you writing again.

      Keep on Hubbing!

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      justom...Nice to meet you and Thank You for the comment...couldn't agree more...:O) Hugs G-ma

    • justom profile image

      justom 7 years ago from 41042

      I understand you're feelings. Someone said to me a while back that gettin' old ain't for sissies. It sounds simple but is so true. I wish you and your mom Peace !! Tom

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      saddlerider1..Well thank you once again for following me and for the tear, one of which many I have shed. The pain is always there, but only smiles and up beat when with my mother, I guess you are ALL my sounding block THANKS EVERYONE OF YOU...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
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      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      alekhouse... it is difficult enough, but harder to see the way the SYSTEM fails our elderly...write the congressmen is what they say...no need to take on the responsibilty of the work they do, and take the money from the people...oops...Thanks my dear you are so sweet...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
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      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      billie...I am thankful for everyone's attention, just needed to release some inner thoughts...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
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      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Debilyn...Hugs and Kisses back my dear and Thank you both for your support as always...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 7 years ago

      Truly amazing and so poignant. Growing older as we all must do brings on for many, sadness, pain and tears. I shed one while reading this poem, I feel the pain. Thank you for sharing.

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Hawksdream..Thank you so much..am doing my best under the circumstances...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Hi Daughter,

      Haa Haa :O) a Texas meow ?? Funny lady.Thanks for the response my sweet one...:O) Hugs Mom

    • alekhouse profile image

      Nancy Hinchliff 7 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Poingnant and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing this amazing piece. It must be really hard for you, seeing your mother go through this.

    • billyaustindillon profile image

      billyaustindillon 7 years ago

      So much emotion and heart - thank you for sharing such precious verse.

    • Debilyn profile image

      Debilyn 7 years ago from Garden City, MI

      Oh, sweet lady....you have such a talent for putting your emotions into words. I've missed reading your hubs. Praying for your continued strength while you're enduring all that life is throwing at you. Rob and I are sending you our love and prayers of blessings!! xoxo

    • Hawkesdream profile image

      Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

      Gma, your caring loving nature shines through from this poem. Miss you. Take care of yourself.x

    • profile image

      Cindi Johnson 7 years ago

      Mom,

      That was beautiful. How bout you wait til tomorrow though? I love you and give grandma a hug for me and tell her I have Gracie, her cat. She wont remember, but who knows. Gracie is the fattest cat I have ever seen and has a texas draw......loud one.......xoxo

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      VioletSun..Hi sweetie and Thank you I miss you all too...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • VioletSun profile image

      VioletSun 7 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

      I can feel your emotions, your love and sorrow through this poem. Missed you!

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Hi Feline...has been a long time and am overwhelmed right now but trying to get with it again...Thanks my dear so much...:O) Hugs G-Ma

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      Feline Prophet 7 years ago

      Good to see you here G-ma...your writing is as heartfelt as ever! :)

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      Candie my dear sweet lady...Thanks...I so miss writing but Mom comes first right now...Hope all is well for you and we need to do lunch soooon...My Love back...:O) Hugs G-Ma

    • G-Ma Johnson profile image
      Author

      Merle Ann Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

      daniel.edie...fast response I must say...must be FB :O) Thanks for the encouragement...:o) Hugs G-Ma

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      You amaze me! This is perfect! Thank you GMa for sharing your heart! Love ya lots!

    • daniel.edie profile image

      daniel.edie 7 years ago from Augusta KY

      Omg i love it!