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I carry her with me daily...her hurts, her muffled words...the things she tries to remember...yet I feel so lost and alone. Being a silent , sacrificing, loving lady she has lost what means so much to her...her dignity...her quality of life has so taken a turn from her past life and it makes me feel so sad . If she could see herself now she would be mortified. She is as beautiful to me as any Mother is to their child, but the way she always presented herself, is now so artificial, as so many of us can be. We hide our real feelings and try to be seen so perfect in the presence of others. Sometimes it is the way we really feel inside, the helplessness , depression. yet can't admit it, and don't want other's to know. It is also the fact that we are growing old and realize the things that really count aren't what we based our life's on. Life is so long sometimes and so short other times...and then we realize how Blessed we have really been. As much as she tries to make me understand her words, I am at a loss...only to smile and try to understand her words , to answer what she wants so desperately to hear me say. I lay my head on hers and whisper "I Love you" into her deaf ears, she leans back on me and I feel the contentment from her. The great heart that was always mine, though now she knows not who I am... My Mother...is slipping away , yet still trying to teach me the lessons of life,which in her desperate way, in her suffering, I am becoming a more understanding, selfish woman. I say that because it is so difficult to see her slowly die in front of me, I mourn her loss everyday...and I pray for her everyday...somehow thinking it is myself I need to pray for....