Am I Beautiful? Just Say Yes
“The absolute unattainability of her beauty made me sad; I knew that stretching my lusting hands to her was as senseless as trying to scoop sunset with a garbage bin.” (Victor Pelevin “Chapaev and Void”)
Women are attracted to power, men to beauty. Why?
Usually, when I start writing an article, there is something that moves me, inspires me, infuriates me, there is a spark. But this question was such a generalization that it seemed not worth writing about. Yet, I started writing “Am I Beautiful?” only to discover that I cannot move further than the title. Three months later…
“Women are attracted to power, men to beauty. Why?”
Both sexes are equally attracted to power and beauty. Only our attraction to power is much stronger than our attraction to beauty. Or rather our need for security and safety is more fundamental than our need for aesthetics. Beauty is a luxury, an expensive courtesan.
Given a choice we always go for the combination of power and beauty. However, choices are limited, and the law of survival dictates to go for security first. Once all our needs are met we can satisfy our aesthetic needs. Rich men can “afford” having young “beautiful” (arguably) women. Rich women can afford having “young handsome studs”. Or is it the intelligence of young men that pulls women in? Could be, could be. Life is a comedy. Or a farce?
All men are garbage
“All men are garbage!” A woman was having a fit. At the same time she wanted a man. A doctor, a lawyer, or someone who had power and money. In fact, she did not really want a man as such, she wanted the money, and a man came as a side effect. I thought she contradicted herself, but she did not. If you look at the pyramid of needs, security comes even before love and sense of belonging
Security? Mmm… Does Security bring more money than Police Force? (Yes, think for a second.) Shall I look for money source in Security or Police?
I am guilty as charged. I want everything – security, love, and my freedom. Don’t point your finger at me. No, it does not matter which one. Stop and look at the pyramid. We all want the same.
However, the poor woman had nothing to attract that kind of money. She was neither beautiful nor intelligent enough.
Am I beautiful?
That was the initial pull – to write on the topic that I am so uncomfortable with.
I am not comfortable with the question “Am I beautiful?” I am not comfortable with the compliment “You are so beautiful!” Why? It’s time to decide once and for all, whether I am beautiful or not.
My first impulse was to write something humorous. But the more I joke about it, the more I realize that something is wrong. Something is bothering me. Whom do I try to entertain? Myself? But to be serious about the subject … it feels like sheer idiocy. You see I am already losing my balance.
The outward beauty is nothing but a shell, beautiful, but a shell, yes, it has to be taken care of, it has to be polished, but it is only a shell.
Nothing, nothing, nothing. Shiny nothing, if shiny.
"In technical terms,
What is beauty?
”Anyone who wishes to understand the nature of beauty should first of all ask himself: where is it located? Can we say that it is somewhere inside the woman who is considered beautiful? Can we say, for instance, that there is beauty in the features of her face? Or in her figure?
Science tells us that the brain receives a flow of information from the sense organs, in this case from the eyes, and without the interpretations imposed by the visual cortex, this is simply a chaotic sequence of coloured dots, digitized into nerve impulses by the visual tract. Any fool can understand that there is not beauty in that, so it doesn’t find its way into a man through his eyes. In technical terms, beauty is the interpretation that arises in the consciousness of the patient. As they say – in the eye of the beholder.
Beauty does not belong to a woman and it is not her specific quality – it is just that at a certain time of life her face reflects beauty, as a windowpane reflects the sun that is hidden behind the roofs of the houses. And so we cannot say that a woman’s beauty fades with time – it is simply that the sun moves on and the windows of other houses begin to reflect it. But we know that the sun is not in the windowpanes that we look at. It is in us.
What is the sun? I’m sorry, but that’s another mystery, and today I was only planning to reveal one. And in any case, from the point of view of practical magic, the nature of the sun is absolutely irrelevant. What matters are the manipulations that we perform with its light…” (Victor Pelevin “The Sacred Book of Werewolf”)
Everyone is “a light unto himself”. How do you manipulate your light?
"They Say About Me" (Not Good Things!) with English Subtitles
Check out the lyrics of this song. It cannot fit the topic any better
- Se dice de mi | TANGO LYRICS IN SPANISH AND ENGLISH
SE DICE DE MI It’s said about me (1943) LYRICS by: Francisco Canaro & Ivo Pelay MUSIC by: Francisco Canaro & Ivo Pelay TRANSLATION by: Alberto Paz Last updated on: 8/24/13.
Once I was given a chance to glimpse through someone else’s eyes. One of my … took me to the one of the famous museums in Moscow to show me a painting of a woman that either looked just like me or reminded him of me. When I saw the painting, I fled. The horror! The horror! What an ugly creature! That is how he saw me? Now I wish I stayed and had a better look. Now my curiosity outweighs my vanity. Did I run away from my own reflection?
Manipulations. We create reality. We perceive. Beauty is subjective, because it is subject to change.
Yes, it is time to change the subject. If men are attracted to me, does it mean that I am beautiful? If they tell me “You are so beautiful!” is that even true? Do they manipulate their light or mine?
Do you consider yourself beautiful?
“Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.” Albert Camus (French Novelist, Essayist and Playwright, 1957 Nobel Prize for Literature, 1913-1960)
I can be unbearable and drive people to despair, only when I am a pain in certain areas and nobody would want to stretch that time longer than necessary. That is the power of pain. I can be beastly. Can I be beautiful?
I never considered myself beautiful. There are too many mirrors to remain deluded. Then there is “the enemy” – cameras and camcorders. It is a good thing I don’t see myself. When I was young, my mother made sure I would not fall in love with myself and drown. I did not. Instead I developed insecurity and an inferiority complex. In short, I was a normal child. I wish I was beautiful. But I was. Then. Now, when she tells me “You are so beautiful!” I cringe inside because I think she overcompensates. In other words, she lies.
To be beautiful and consider yourself beautiful is not the same thing. There was an incident that opened my eyes and I saw for the first time the manipulations that others perform with their lights. They were as deluded as I was.
There was a psychological test that had about 25 – 30 questions related to dating/sexual experiences. I had none. I was only sixteen at the time. The result was a definition of your personality type but limited to a word or two with no further description. Something like “Drama Queen” or “Normal Woman” or “Bitch”. Some types were funny, but some of them were not really flattering.
The first question was “Do you consider yourself beautiful?”
I said “No”. So did my best friend. The results were strange. It seemed to describe my friend, but it completely failed to pinpoint me. It was around my birthday. On our November break, our whole class went to Tallinn, Estonia. I took the questionnaire with me for entertainment. While we were on a train (it took one night to go from Moscow to Tallinn), all girls from our class, all twenty-four of them took the test. Of course, I don’t remember the results. However, there was one thing I would never forget, – every girl answered the first question “Do you consider yourself beautiful?” with a resounding “Yes”. There was no hesitation, no doubt – “Yes!”
“What the hell? If she and she are beautiful, then I must be …. There is not even a word for it”. Then I tweaked my answers and I got the result “Still Waters Run Deep”. With such description I could live.
I did not change my opinion about my unearthly beauty, but I changed my answer from “no” to “yes” to get a better label. But I realized that I was judging and ranking. Beautiful, good-looking, so so, ugly …
There was one girl and she was probably ten at the time when she said she was third in beauty in her class. I laughed. Who were the judges? By what criteria? As funny as it is or as ridiculous as it is all these beauty pageants are the same thing. There is even the expression “The first Beauty”. Miss Universe…
That title I took without asking. Madame Universe. Not for my beauty, for my love for the universe and my open-mindedness. I don’t have to be the first, the second, the last. I love the universe unconditionally.
Still Waters Run Deep
Later I did a personality test – the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It was done properly, by a professional, and the result was – INTJ “Competence + Independence = Perfection”. I did not question it then.
However, many years later, I bought a book “Do What You Are” by Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. I had to tweak my personality type to get the results that would resemble me. So, I changed “TJ” part into “FP” and I got INFP – “Still Waters Run Deep”. Of course, there were no questions about beauty.
“Do you consider yourself beautiful?” “No, I consider myself lost and I don’t enjoy the feeling.” What amazed me was “Still Waters Run Deep” part – I considered it to be my perfect label.
Despite the fact that I did not want to part with such title, the personality type still did not feel right. I always considered myself to be an introvert. Only to be told that I was quite the opposite. So, I changed the first parameter as well. From I(ntrovert) to E(xtravert). I got ENFP – “Anything’s Possible”. Anything? I guess in those waters … deep waters… lives a beast.
“ENFPs are full of enthusiasm and new ideas. Optimistic, spontaneous, creative, and confident, they have original minds and a strong sense of the possible. For an ENFP, life is an exciting drama.”
This part about an exciting drama I don’t like. Maybe it is still not me. Why do I feel that I have to tweak the results all the time? Maybe it is my creativity: take a test creatively, temper with the results until you get what you want.
Anything is possible? Anything? I want beauty and power, freedom, self-actualization … Where is that seven-petal magic flower? Make a wish! Quickly! Bistro!
Beauty... is the shadow of God on the universe. ~Gabriela Mistral, Desolacíon
Then I am definitely not beautiful. I am no one’s shadow. I think. Am I?
Repeat the question. I think. Do I?
When I am searching for my own beauty (or chasing my beauty like a cat chasing its own tail) – I am looking for the meaning, for who I am. Where is my center?
You have such beautiful eyes!
He was my co-worker and used to tell me compliments all the time. It made me uncomfortable, even more so because I was attracted to him. Don’t blame me, it’s chemistry.
We were not even alone when he said:
- You have such beautiful eyes!
- It’s irrelevant!!!
I snapped. I was so embarrassed. Why do I have such little faith in myself? If it is so irrelevant, why not accept compliments without resorting to being rude or pathetic?
It just does not happen. The question is still open. The name of the beast is not beauty, it is insecurity.
“What a beautiful girl!”
A girl? I am forty. Not so many people call me a girl, but it is not the age, but the beauty that makes me jump. I like hearing it, but I cannot handle it. I start saying that it is an overstatement and other inanities. It is some banal banter… pathetic…
I know that I should condition myself into three different REHEARSED answers.
- You are so beautiful!
- Thank you. (Acceptance)
- I know. (Dismissal).
- Go jump in the lake. (I don’t know what you want from me, but somehow I think it is something indecent, therefore – go to Hell).
I rehearsed it with a friend of mine.
- You are beautiful.
- Thank you. I know. Go jump in the lake.
You see, somehow it still did not work. Not yet.
It reminds me of me, so pensive...
"Do you notice handsome men?"
That was another question from that questionnaire. It is ridiculous. No, I am blind. Of course, I do, there are not too many around.
“A she-monkey is sitting on a river-bank. A he-crocodile is swimming past and wants to tease her. He thinks to himself, I would ask her whether or not she is married.
If she says “no”, I’ll say “of course, who would marry such an ugly creature?”
If she says “yes”, I’ll say “Good Lord, who could have married such an ugly creature?!”
So he swims past and asks the monkey:
- Monkey, monkey, are you married?
- Jesus, who can I possibly marry, when there are only crocodiles swimming around here?”
Everything is relative. In the eye of the beholder. Crocodiles are not handsome enough for monkeys no matter how powerful, monkeys are not attractive enough for crocodiles.
That is chemistry
Do men consider themselves handsome or beautiful?
One of my friends, an interesting character, said – “I am beautiful”. Not handsome. Beautiful. For a man to say that, it was striking and memorable. Is he beautiful? He is for me.
If I am not mistaken, power is studied in physics. Attraction in chemistry.
Men and women are attracted to people for whom they have strong chemistry. My beautiful friend was complaining that all women wanted an ideal man. He should be tall enough, had all his hair. Now he is forty, too (listen to the music of those words – forty, too – 42), so it is problematic for many men. There were other criteria, but I forgot the details. My friend did not fit into that ideal image, but I love him dearly.
Then he said "What is chemistry anyway? Why do all women want men to be chemists?" Yes, men should be chemists. Both chemistry and physistry should be right.
1) Define what kind of power you want.
2) Then go buy the love potion.
"Oxytocin is, in a way, the "master chemical" of social connection, and as close as anything we know to the love potions popular in romantic folk tales." ("Loneliness" by John T. Cacioppo & William Patrick)
And you can go marry that crocodile or a monkey. Funny, isn’t it, light is a subject in physics, but to manipulate it you need chemicals.
Women prefer beautiful, handsome, muscular, STRONG men. Are we talking about physical characteristics? Or chemical? Are we attracted to power? Either sex?
"Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." — Oscar Wilde
What sex is he talking about? The weaker or the stronger?
Do we even know what we want?
"The goals we pursue are always veiled. A girl who longs for marriage longs for something she knows nothing about. The boy who hankers after fame has no idea what fame is. The thing that gives our every move its meaning is always totally unknown to us."
— Milan Kundera (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)
But isn’t everything about power? We want more, there is never enough power. Power corrupts, but we want to be at least our own masters. Dependence creates unhappiness. Power creates unhappiness, too, but it takes time to realize that.
Power, beauty. Power versus beauty. Beauty and the Beast. Beauty is the Beast. I just noticed that in Russian the word "beast" comes from the word "wonder". No wonder.
In the eye of the beholder. I did not realize how many times people told me how they saw me.
“You are striking and intimidating.” (Beauty or the Beast? The Beast).
“You look like a very strong person, “my way or highway”. (Beauty or the Beast? The Beast).
When I asked to guess my sign, there is this repeating pattern “Leo – the Queen of the World.” No, not quite… But lionesses are more beautiful than scorpions. Urgh… (Beauty or the Beast? The Beast).
God, I must be powerful.
Don’t despair. I can share the wisdom, I have the manual – “48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene. Get some education and you will end up being intimidating and unemployed just like me. It comes with the territory.
Do I notice powerful men? Where? I am not swimming in their waters. I might, but there are no powerful men around me. Just garbage (I am kidding.) For them I am a monkey on a river bank.
“A she-monkey is sitting on a river-bank and washing a banana peel. A he-crocodile is swimming past.
- Monkey, monkey, what are you doing?
- Give me ten dollars, I will tell you.
He gives her ten dollars.
- I am washing a banana peel.
- ??? What a fool!!!
- I may be a fool, but every day I have at least ten dollars.”
I need something like that – a way to make money.
“Be a light unto yourself”
“What you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you.” Seneca
Then I am beautiful and powerful. I might be pain in the ass, but I am real.
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It does not happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” (“The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Willliams)
To become beautiful is to become yourself. Find your balance, your center. Start living the life you want. Others will tell you what is beautiful, as if they know. They know shit.
In the eye of the beholder?
Creating a Vision Series.
- Creating a Vision - 42 Ways to Make Money out of Nothing.
Offering you to enjoy my creativity - free of charge. Giving a few lessons in modern art, addition and subtraction, philosophy and brain surgery.
- Creating a Vision - It's All In Your Head
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- Creating a Vision - Transformational Power of Writing
Writing has a tremendous power of transforming lives. To write you need to come to terms with your creativity and imagination. To understand what you have written, however, you need patience.
- Nobody Wants a 50-Year-Old Woman!
That is exactly the statement made by an over-50 soap opera star on an old daytime talk show in the late 1960s. Even so, she was beautiful and looked age 40 rather than 50+.
Are beauty and fashion synonyms? Why do we want to impress other people so badly? An article about fabulous words and their effect on our psyche.
- Independent Women
A collection of articles on Huffington Post about independent women and relevant topics.
- Why women have better sex with rich men - Times Online
Now, however, science is showing that a rich mans money has aphrodisiac qualities as well as purchasing power. Their partners really can have it all.
© 2011 kallini2010