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An Affair with Death...

Updated on October 13, 2014
kj force profile image

Retired from Med profession, published author/ journalist, Researching Alternative Rx drugs & Disorders. Poems ,Quotes on Life

" I am not ready to commit.".......

 " ICU ended this relationship ".....
" ICU ended this relationship "..... | Source


I knew I was gone when I went into the sleep..

There was no guilt or pain insight..

I’ve never had an affair of the heart..of mind, body and soul..

The comfort I felt was beyond words from my mind...

And I was destined to fall under his spell...

The fire I felt on my skin began to rage..

I became like an animal in a cage..

Every time I drew back, he pulled me forward..

I could feel his arms embrace me like no other,

His strength overpowered me and breathing became a necessity..

I gasped each time we danced the dance..

I could feel life’s breath leaving my body..

As he held me tighter and tighter..

I have never known such ecstasy as I drew each breath as the last..

Don’t know why I gave in so easy, temptation is not one of my virtues..

I’ve always weighed the pro’s and cons..

Who is this man of many tricks that I would succumb to him ?

I am smarter than this I thought in one lucid moment..

Begone I said..leave me alone I do not want to follow you..

All you want is my soul..and I am not ready..

When I am I will call you....

PS. This was a recent experience I had in a hospital ICU...


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    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 4 years ago from Florida

      PHILLYDREAMER....There are good and evil's in this world that test us many times, some more than others...ironically we are the stronger which is why they try to break us down. Last night I had a dream several friends begged me to join them in a place where there was no pain and everyone was equal.... I didn't acknowledge they were ALL dead..until my cat woke me up...and he has NEVER done that...I can relate to your turmoil....NEVER give up...thanks for the visit..

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image

      Jose Velasquez 4 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      I had a moment like this today. I have moments like this all the time, but today was the first day I almost gave in. I was sleeping and it was one of those lucid sleeps where you know you're sleeping. I could not move and I could not breathe. I knew I had to wake myself up, but my arms were pinned under me and I didn't have the strength to push myself up. For a second, I thought about giving up. Whatever this thing is that comes for me in my sleep is relentless and I have lost sleep many nights because of it. I wanted to give up, by like you I wasn't ready to so I calmed myself down and once the panic went away, i was able to open my eyes.

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      DDE...You got that right....I will go down kicking and screaming when I're welcome....

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 5 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Not yet you still have many more thank for this one

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      shiningirisheyes..yes you are correct, we've only just begun our journey on this path together and it has many twists and turns yet to come. It was a very frightening experience, and the fact I knew all the circumstances and their end results, and NO control of the situation..a feeling of helplessness and frustration was overwhelming.. luck may have it I am a survivor..thank you for all your support..hugs backatcha..

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 5 years ago from Upstate, New York

      KJ - I am so glad you told that bastard to kiss your a_ _!

      You and I have far too much trouble to stir up together and our path together has only just begun. I am in awe of your will power and steel determination. It's that great attitude you have that has gotten you this far and will continue with you for many years to come.

      This had to be completely terrifying for you.

      Glad you are here to tell the important instance. I take a valuable lesson from it.

      Love and hugs my friend

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      innerspin...You thought I had gone quietly ? passed on ? do I strike you as a quiet passive writer ? your computer didn't make any strange sounds did it ? Joking of glad you took the time to look me up and comment. I missed all you guys and appreciate the friendships..and yes I am making my way back to where I left off..nothing like a week of ICU to wake you up ! especially when you can understand the conversations the Doctors are having with each other bedside !!!

      enjoy your day and thanks again..

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      DREAM ON..Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read and share your thoughts..Yep that's me alright. fight tooth and nail right up to the bitter end ! When I was young I sat back and took everything that was dealt me, without a mumur..then one day realized I was becoming a" doormat "..ALL HELL broke loose..quote the raven " NEVERMORE"..and the rest is history..I am one of those people you either HATE or I tell it like it is..but with pretty pictures..I am a believer that

      " LIFE is what you make it..don't rely on the rest of the world " and speak out..

      Hope you're still glad you stopped by for my soapbox are deeply appreciated as I call you friend...

    • innerspin profile image

      Kim Kennedy 5 years ago from uk

      Goodness, I thought you'd gone quiet recently - sorry you had this experience, but it's great that you're here to tell the tale. I hope it's the end of the affair. Keep on keepin' on.

    • DREAM ON profile image

      DREAM ON 5 years ago

      As always you give us your talent and style to watch and admire.You press on while so many others would just say it's time to move on.You have many plans and leaving isn't one of them.I love your writing and you pull no punches.You give it all you have.I am so grateful to you for being a fighter and there are many things that you do just naturally day to day.I think this time you gave the grim reeper a left hook and kiss my ***I think God just wants you to write more.Maybe another book and share with the world many more hubs with us.Then again I always love to see someone share their heart and soul.I never will figure out life but for those who find a way to change their life against all odds I truely respect.With all our love the Mrs. and I wish you a speedy recovery.If anyone is going to get better it's you and thanx for sharing such a personal story.Rated up and wonderful.

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida will be a couple months before I am back to where I was...the stay wiped out 8 months of hard a minor setback..I have " chutzpah" so I will be even stronger..and my attitude even less forgiving...sorry to hear about your ordeal..hopefully you are recovering...take care and welcome home

    • cherylone profile image

      Cheryl Simonds 5 years ago from Connecticut

      Wow, I was just released from a hospital ICU and I know how you feel. You described it soooo well. I hope you are back on your feet and feeling well.

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      travmaj...nice to hear from you are correct..we never are really prepared..through the whole ordeal I kept thinking of how I had promised my G-S/G-D..that I would be there for them when they graduated from Med School..and how they have always been my biggest fans..never saying can't ..and always seeing the positive side to life..Move over Grim Reaper..kj is back and loaded for bear !!

      Have a great Tuesday and Happy Holiday...

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      CrisSP...Thank you so much for your kind the way you pointed out an the line :1st of the last three.."Begone I said, leave me alone..I do NOT want to follow you.." my pet peeve,when writer's don't edit..eeek..faux pas on me..bad..bad..

      glad you loved my words..thanks for the vote up..hope you'll check out some of my other writes..I'll look you up also...have a great Tuesday..

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      Cloudexplorer..yes you are correct, I was not ready to go yet..and was not going out without a fight. After 40 years in Medicine all the things I had preached to my patients became so evident...your mental attitude is so important..I am glad to meet you..and look forward to reading and hearing from you again..Happy Holidays to you and yours....

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      Epigramman..You are a true friend and I have much admiration for your quick wit of which you are as I viewing the world through" cracked rose coloured glasses"...I think my attitude comes from living in and out of the box all my life..and not expecting anyone else to sift the litter...if you get my drift..thanks again for your vote of confidence..warm wishes back still love that it handmade ?

    • kj force profile image

      kjforce 5 years ago from Florida

      Deborah Brooks...Thank you again for your support towards my was a rude awakening of just how quickly I was fighting for my life..I will never give up purpose is not yet completed..have a great night, my friend...

      Happy Holidays to you as well...

    • travmaj profile image

      travmaj 5 years ago from australia

      Amazing piece - really agonised with you throughout, an experience I,m not quite ready for but you never know do you?

      I'm very impressed with your strength and presence of mind to fight -

      thanks for this. I loved the title - heee -Voting up.

    • CrisSp profile image

      CrisSp 5 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

      Very interesting experience...I love your last 3 lines:

      "Begone I said..leave me alone I do want to follow you..

      All you want is my soul..and I am not ready..

      When I am I will call you...."

      Voted up and will be passing along this beautiful hub.

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 5 years ago from New York City

      This was a truly heart felt poem here and thanks to Debbie I located it here on the hubpages feed. It's tough dealing with the death of anyone, and let alone the potential of losing our own life and all.

      I see the point here and I sense you aren't ready to go yet, just as most of us desire to continue to live as long as possible. Deep message here, and very well written poetic style too. Thumbs up and out!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 5 years ago

      ...well my friend I look up to you for your amazing spirit and your sense of humor so very evident in your last line - when I am I will call you - amen to that - you are a constant source of inspiration to me and I will always thank you for that - please keep your wonderful attitude intact - if it's keeping you going then it's something which is keeping me going too - (your attitude I mean) sending you warm wishes and good energy from lake erie time canada 2:09pm I read this one with half a tear and half a laugh

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      KJ oh wow.. what an experience.. and you told it so well and spine chilling.. I am so glad you are still with us.. Your writing is supreme.. God Bless you my friend

      Merry Christmas