An Honest Moment
You’re ashes in the crosswinds,
at the mercy of the storm
that has finally become me,
and today, a bond is formed
Portals within dying stars,
imploding upon themselves
Super novas know nothing
of the power I sought and found
Your universe, discovered,
my sea to sail,
with galaxies my vessels
Your eyes,
my gateway
to paradise,
your body
softly trembles
Didn’t I know you
in some nearby distance
or some future long ago?
Your face appears to me
In places I’ve never seen,
on people I’ve never met,
In dreams I never had,
In mirrors that don’t reflect
In lives I never lived,
In cold night air breaths
I know there is more happening
here, than could ever meet the eye
I see the clouds coalescing
I feel reality disfiguring
I hear her muddled cries, and
I watch the shapeless figure
overtaking the horizon
A gold-trimmed shadow walks,
forming craters at its feet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I decided to remove something, for the first time in my life. I hate to do that, but I think perhaps it was just too dark to expose to the world. I'll leave the socially acceptable parts in, and if anyone wishes to see the entire stream, let me know.
Here I am, once again in this place I can’t define, I can’t even begin to describe. The waiting place would be such a perfect name, if only Dr. Seuss hadn't already invented the term. I wait here, in this moment, this wretched, beautiful present. The past is a nightmare, and always will be. The future terrifies me, for I know what awaits me…but the present is the worst of them all. I sit here, and I wait, and I hope, and I know better than to hope, but I remind myself that crazier things have happened. I sit here, and I wait, for the coming of an age, or the passing of an era, or the arrival of a change, or the leaving of a phase.
I cannot sit here anymore, in this sickening moment in time, watching my life pass me by, watching beautiful moments come and go, and fade into nothing. I cannot stand another day in this repetitive torment. There is simply no scenario in my vision of the future that doesn't involve despair. I am greater than I ever knew, but even less than I ever could have imagined. I am more and less, more or less, praying for a painless death, but one without a sweet thereafter.
I know that something is at hand. Something vast and horrible, and enlightening, and absolutely beyond any fear we could conjure. I know that everything we know and think we are will come to an end, and existence will embark on a new tangent…something never spoken of in history.