An Intimate Betrayal
Have you every known a person that you befriended, allowed to get close to you, supported and loved even though others treated them like an outcast? And then that same person turned on you in an intentional intimate betrayal. Well, that was my experience with a church sister I advocated for, travelled with, mentored and shared personal details of my life. The pain of her betrayal is expressed in the following poem, "Trust Broken, Friendship Destroyed." The nature of her betrayal is expressed therafter.
Trust Broken, Friendship Destroyed
Didn't she know what those words meant?
Sister represents family; Friend symbolizes bond.
She was supposed to support and love me,
Not destroy and do me harm.
She placed a vise grip around my heart,
Inflicting slow pressure and achy pain.
Scattered thoughts strain through the tension,
"Dare I get close or trust again?"
She listened to my secrets,
Collecting for a determined end.
While she was scheming in my shadow,
I thought she was sincere about being my friend.
Like a Judas, she brought betrayal.
She set me up and plunged a knife in my back,
Ripping my flesh with intentional turns,
Smiling her way through the cruel attack.
Internally, I fought against reflex reactions
While processing the magnitude of her deed.
For her to comprehend the full depth of the damage,
A friend like her was what she would need.
But, God didn't let me to fret long,
Nor let me to stop loving her too.
I could keep her at a civil distance,
However, minister I still must do.
For God's grace is true and sufficient.
His healing balm is sure and there.
He sutured my bloody wounds
And satisfied the emptiness through His care.
I would move up to higher levels
On streams of tears from each test flows.
She would revel in her conquest,
And then reap the seeds that she had sown.
The Nature of the Betrayal
This sister-friend talked to me about her new boyfriend for 6-months, referring to him by his first name and calling me from his house on several occasions. (And yes, she knew who he was from the very beginning.) Then, one day while at church, she asked me to ride with her to the hospital to see about her sprained ankle. She led me to her boyfriend's car and had me sit in the back seat behind her because the passenger side of the 2-door car couldn't open. As we travelled to the hospital, she proceeded to tell me that her boyfriend was my former-husband. She had actually been referring to him by his middle name and calling me from the house I helped purchased and that was still co-mortgaged in my name.
Dear Readers, I am not a jealous person, nor do I anger easily; and her dating my "ex" was not even the issue because I was over that relationship. My issue was in the fact that she intentionally withheld that information from me unnecessarily and then waited 6-months until I was in a "trapped" position to tell me, as she eyed me through the rear-view mirror of his car. And then, the hurt got worse.
After we arrived at the hospital, she proceeded to disrespect me by talking about how she threw out some of the things I'd left in the basement and shared other details about the house and their relationship while watching me intently for signs of breakage in my spirit. But, I held it together in front of her and went out to call my closest sister-friend about what I was experiencing. I cried and she told me to get the hell out of there, but I stayed out of some warped sense of honoring my commitment to be a friend in need even though she certainly wasn't and didn't deserve it.
I remained with her until she was treated and released, and then allowed her to drive me home and kiss me on the cheek goodbye. But all the while, I knew that the friendship was irreparably damaged and I would be more selective about who I let into my intimate circle going forward. I stayed in bed and cried for 3-days following that experience because I could not understand how and why she could be so intentionally and unnecessarily cruel to me; and then, God helped me express and release the pain through my poem. I thank God for healing, forgiveness, grace, love, peace and restored joy.
In peace and forgiveness,