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An Irish Toast To William And Kate

Updated on June 21, 2011

The prince and princess,

Are wed today.

It’s a fairy tale fantasy dream,

Come true – they say.

Here’s an Irish toast,

And I swear it’s from the heart,

To the queen and all her kids,

I don’t give a fart.

Let’s lift a glass, to Kate’s fine ass.

May William sire an heir.

May the proverbial bird of paradise,

Take a proverbial poop in his hair.

May that bird of paradise fly up your snooty nose.

May an elephant caress you with his giant toes.

May you get caught in Katie’s clothes,

Right down to her frilly panty hose.

May your castles be made of sand.

May Kate’s bed always have a pea.

May William’s face feel the back of a hand,

May William’s crotch always have a knee.

Victoria complained,

“The shamrocks are merely weeds.

The Irish were on “her” land,

Deprive them their basic needs.”

So drink to kings and queens.

Let’s all raise a stein.

Better yet,

Make it blood-red wine.

For adding to the woes,

Of dear Ireland’s plights,

May the House of Windsor,

Get a plague of termites.

Toast the queen.

To the British monarch,

May Buckingham Palace,

Become a trailer park.

To William the Inbred,

To Kate! Wellbred! Wellfed!

Another royal cracker,

Taking another cracker to bed.

Celebrate the princess,

Queen of the Apathetic.

Eugenics/inbreeding have created,

Another stuck-up prick.

They’re an old German family,

That took Celtic history and mystique,

Established a class system,

To wield over the weak.

Katie makes me yawn,

This modern Eva Braun,

And just what will,

This morbid inbreeding spawn?

Yes, here’s to William the Prince!

Kate the Princess!

Here’s a fart for you!

I could not care less!

Here’s my toast!

Here’s to the crown!

May hemorrhoids prevent you two,

From ever sitting down.

Here’s to inbreeding!

Here’s to this royal farce,

Here’s to the royals.

You’re a royal pain in the arse!

Here’s an Irish toast,

To another royal wedding,

May you enjoy the fruits,

Of the monarch’s blood-letting.

I’m Irish!

From toenails to my bald spot,

And it is with the Shamrocks,

That I will cast my lot!

Tip a hat, make your toast,

Raise a glass.

You’re really a royal couple.

A royal pain in the ass.

Erin go Bragh!

Erin go Bragh!

Erin go Bragh!

~Micky Dee~

Prince William-I Just Can't Wait to Be King

Let Scones Be Bygones

Let's sip some tea,

With regal glee.

And with some scones.

Dispatch bygones,

Let's have another beer.

Let's raise a cup of cheer.

The world has a crush,

On this Royal Flush.

But I am a Shamrock!

And my memory is still about.

And I'll not be forgetting,

You tried to starve me out.

I'm one of the Irish weeds,

We have our share of needs.

We'll not forget your deeds,

It's Irish green that my heart bleeds.



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    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

      I did I manage to miss this on?!! Incredible. You simply captivated me, awesome - well done Micky.

    • Hummingbird5356 profile image

      Hummingbird5356 6 years ago

      Thanks for this funny hub. It reflects what most of the people in the UK think.

    • pan1974 profile image

      April 6 years ago from Columbus,Ga

      good hub, and that is so amazing that you have 249 hubs, Go Micky !!!

    • nomoretrucks profile image

      nomoretrucks 6 years ago from scotland

      Hiya Micky.I wish 'em all the best, as a couple- but the English establishment expect the historical atrocities carried out to be forgotten with a bit of Pomp and ceremony, with a few jellie and ice creams and a day off for the 'peasents'-the Welsh term which can be Googled as a recent example is 'Cofiwch dryweryn' and happened in very recent history amongst others. Going further back in history,I can't stand in the middle of Culloden battlefield without feeling some emotion for the atrocities carried out against the Scottish jacobites and then the crofters during the highland clearances. Then there is that little matter of the enforced famine which built America.

      The cultural imperialism of the English might be apparent world wide with the English language but i am glad i have a strong accent because it seems to be the only thing the English have not robbed me of- an Identity!

      Not that im bitter of course!!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Faith and begorra, sweet Micky O'Dee.

      You're an Irish poet, it is clear to see.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

      OoooooooooooH Micky, I can think of no-one, nada, zero, who could write this and it come off as a funny write, yet smacks the behind of the Royals. I must admit, i laughed all the way through it, as Benny Faye reminded us, shame on me.LOL I love it when you write funny satire with a kick.


    • creativeone59 profile image

      benny Faye Douglass 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Shame,shame on you my Micky Dee, although you did make me laugh a lot. No one would think to write a poem such as this but you. I enjoyed the poem. God bless you. creativeone509

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

      I'm so glad I'm not one of the royalties; if I was, Micky would not have been my friend :))) Yes, Micky, there is a lot of unfairness on this planet - the rich get richer and the poor poorer, the strong stronger and the weak weaker. I admire your guts!

    • BobbiRant profile image

      BobbiRant 6 years ago from New York

      OMG They DO look like Cinderella and her Prince Charming.......LOL.........this is just tooooooooo funny!!!!! I wonder if this will be like a lot of expensive weddings, where the wedding ends up being the Best part of the marriage...........all downhill from there. Loving this one.....dancing on the buttons!!!!!!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 6 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Your humor never fails to amaze. I wish the young couple well and hoping that a comfortable peace comes to those living in England and Ireland. Those hats!!! You could do a funny hub using those hats worn at the wedding. Have you ever seen such crazy looking ones? Am sure that the designers would not appreciate my comment. :))

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Uncanny resemblance in Fergie's daughters and the evil stepsister's in Cinderella. You have an eye for cutting to the chase that is pure genius. Your humor hits hard with the depth of pain behind it.

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 6 years ago from Great Britain

      Oh Micky, What are you like? Like no-one else on this planet , l think.

      Is it my imagination or love for you, or is your poetry getting better and better, whether serious or humorous?????? Love you man, as always.x

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

      I am laugh loudly. You made my evening filled with funny things. I hope Prince Willian and Kate wouldn't insulted. hahaha... you have done a good job. I love your poem. I'll press all button special for you, my uncle. I hope you always healthy..amen. Have a good day!

      Your nephew, Prasetio

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 6 years ago from Minnesota

      This was great Micky and gave me a good laugh. Loved the pics too. Too funny :-)

    • vietnamvet68 profile image

      vietnamvet68 6 years ago from New York State

      Another great one brother man, I couldn't stop laughing my ass off. Great job

      God Bless

    • mckbirdbks profile image

      mckbirdbks 6 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      I'm guessing the bottom of the English boot is less polished than the rest of them. Persective is everything. I would say what's past is past, but that oppression is just an eye lash away historically.

      King of Hubpages, sounds like a bump in pay grade.

    • Freya Cesare profile image

      Freya Cesare 6 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

      Oh why? why? Why I must laugh for this morning love vow of Micky Dee? LOL. Funny, King Micky. And I love the similarities between the cartoon and real people. Hey, by the way, you are the King too, remember? King of Hubpages.

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      Thanks for the royal whiff Micky.;)-))

    • jandee profile image

      jandee 6 years ago from Liverpool.U.K

      Don't you be blaming my Manchester!!

      Mickey I was wrong ! I nearly didn't read it cause I thought 'Oh! No! Not a tribute from Micky to the royals!

      Me of little faith,should have known better,shouldn't I ??

      Well done and thank you for a midnight 'Larf'

      best from jandee