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And So The Fight Began. Things you shoulden't say.

Updated on May 15, 2012
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Get Ready To Rumble.

So before we start. Let me say this.

Some of the references contained here ,Are talking about my perfect wife of 16 years. She is my world and I could not live without her.

That said . All statements made here are to make you laugh. Nothing more .Nothing less.

Please do not be offended or take any of them serious.




Lord knows if my wife took me serious ,she would have killed me long ago.

The Anniversary

A few days ago, I said to my wife " Our anniversary is in a few days,What would you like"

She said " Take me some where I haven't been in a log time". I took her by the hand and walked her to the laundry room. And so the fight begins.

I am recovering fine. The doctor says I should have feeling back in my limbs soon.

Be Careful In Public Rest Rooms.

Last week I was in a bathroom at the store. They had installed a urinal close to the ground. I guess for kids or the vertically challenged.

The guy beside me was stuck using the short urinal. I was being friendly ,so I glanced over and said "Oh you got stuck with the short one" And fight begins.

You Won't Wake Up

One time ,my wife and I climbed into bed. I started to cuddle, and she said " I am tired I just want to sleep." I said " It's never woke you up before." And fight begins.

Eating Well

Last week . I told my wife "just relax I will cook tonight" "how sweet " She said.

I looked at the kids and said" No food poisoning tonight boys. And the fight begins

A Clean House

A few weeks ago, I told my wife " I know you have been stuck home and bored, so I signed you up for free lessons to help with the boredom ."

"Your so thoughtful " she said. Then I introduced her to the vacuĆ¼m cleaner salesman. And the Fight begins.

The Cops

I was driving along minding my own business , when a cop pulled me over.

He said " did you know you were speeding sir." I said "yes officer I was trying to beat you to the doughnut shop." And the fight begins.

The bruises on my wrist from the handcuffs are healed now. And I stopped twitching from the taser a few days later .

The Dress

My girlfriend walked out of the bedroom, With the new dress she just bought. She asked" does this dress make me look fat." I replied " no your butt does " And the fight begins.

The dentist says some implants will replace those front teeth.

The Gym.

I was at the gym the other day ,for my workout. A lady told me " This is hard work but I lost a lot of pounds"

I replied " There not lost they just moved to your butt". And the fight begins.

The swelling is down I can open my left eye again. The ego may take a little more time to heal.

Fart In Public

The other day, I was trying so hard not to be rude at the store. However a loud rectal noise originated from the seat of my pants. A lady walking by stopped and said " well I never."

I said " Try some makeup and a different hairdo. Then buy a guy 4 or 5 beers. You may still have a chance."

The store made me pay for the jar of pickles she broke over my head.

The Boss

My boss told me " I will be watching you today"

I offered him a crow bar and lubrication, to help him out of his desk chair.

My unemployment benefits start soon.

Remember

Do not try these with any one who can out run you. This was all in good fun. I hope you enjoyed them. Thanks for reading

Bri. C.

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    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Too funny Brian! I'll consider a counterpart to this hub, I'll keep you posted!:)

    • bmcoll3278 profile image
      Author

      bmcoll3278 5 years ago from Longmont, Colorado

      Thanks Sunshine625 . I am glad you like it.

    • KevinC9998 profile image

      KevinC9998 5 years ago

      Very funny stuff, nice job and voted up, Kevin

    • bmcoll3278 profile image
      Author

      bmcoll3278 5 years ago from Longmont, Colorado

      Thanks KevinC9998

    • denisemai profile image

      Denise Mai 5 years ago from Idaho

      Okay. This is hilarious. Ever considered stand-up comedy?

    • bmcoll3278 profile image
      Author

      bmcoll3278 5 years ago from Longmont, Colorado

      I am a part time K.J. karaoke jocky. So I sing and talk on the mic a lot.

    • billd01603 profile image

      billd01603 5 years ago from Worcester

      Funny stuff. I enjoyed it. Voted up

    • bmcoll3278 profile image
      Author

      bmcoll3278 5 years ago from Longmont, Colorado

      Thanks Bill

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