Anger to Healing
Unintentional hurt from another, still hurts as if inflicted on purpose.
The poem below was written after the ending of a relationship, after an unintentional deception was discovered, and all I could feel was complete animosity and hatred towards this person. Funny thing is, I let this person back into my life, and again, an unintentional deception, but of course they don't see it that way. The more I listen to this person talk, the more I discover how far back and how deep the deception goes, and I'm discovering how much I was and on some levels still am taken for granted, overlooked, and given up on, by this person. As time goes on, I'm left to wonder if who they are trying to deceive is me, or themselves. So, at this moment in time, it was quite fitting that I came across this poem in my files.
This time though, I am more angry with myself, than I am with them. I am one of those that believes everyone deserves a second chance, because we don't stay the same, most of the time we grow. Unfortunately, some of us are so consumed by other things that we stagnate, therefore we can't grow until things are released and we stop letting ourselves be the victim. It is time for me to let the hurt and anger go, so I can forgive them, so that I can forgive myself.
I am something you can't control
Time to start healing
Anger to Healing
Anger is all that is there.
Hatred looms just beneath the surface.
Words laced with venom is all that is there.
Animosity reigns over all other thoughts.
Loathing how this feels.
Aching to vanquish these emotions.
This is not how it was supposed to be.
Untruths were told but not on purpose.
Several come to mind with this deliberation.
Wanting the reverie to be calm again
Needing the brainstorm to subside.
Wishing so many things.
None can survive the scrutiny.
The conjecture wanes.
The outrage abates.
Drained of all emotion.
Emptiness washes over.