ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

Appreciating God's creation, but then . . . a funny thing happened

Updated on January 18, 2013

1. If there are keys to happiness, I suppose the one key ranking toward the very top would be a clear conscience. Working hard all week is one of the many mandatory things to do to have a clear conscience, in addition to the many things not to do. I work at home, and I just finished a productive week, so when I woke up early Sunday morning, being well rested, I decided to take the day off. My dog, Bear, nicknamed pear-head, danced his way outside. I fired up the coffee pot. My living room is very large with a lofty ceiling; it looks like the ceiling of a scaled down version of a cathedral. Its carpet is blue marbled with white, and I strolled across it toward the east side of the room to open royal blue curtains covering picture windows, which make up about 80% of that 27 foot wall. Opening the curtains reveals God's creation: a breathtaking view of majestic and panoramic mountains, grand Western White Pine trees, a quiet valley dense with foliage, and all of this tranquil scenery was blanketed with yet another foot of sparkling, fresh snow to meet the sunrise. A near perfect day is on the horizon. Pear-head summoned me to the door to let him in, and after I cleaned up his paws he promptly jumped upon his side of the mahogany colored couch. He knows the routine. I'll build a fire in the hearth, grab a cup of coffee while the pot is still rumbling, and join him on the couch with my feet on the hassock. This is the scenario every morning: the aroma of potent coffee brewing is permeating the air; the fireplace speaks softly with its random crackling, and I'm scratching my wonderful dog's enormous--but very cute--head while he fills our spacious room with the music of his snoring. In his dreams he is unsuccessfully chasing birds and rabbits while my mind is wandering. I would gaze at snowflakes seemingly the size of dinner plates, and I would be mesmerized as they slowly drifted through placid air, and finally but hesitantly kissed God's extensive landscape. At this stage of my life(56) I would find this . . . delightful.

2. Now there's something for which we should be thanking God---our vivid imagination. It can take us to the edge of God's universe, or backward in time, or inside a DNA molecule, or just whisk us into another world altogether.

3. Speaking of another world, you'll have to excuse me. It is early in the morning, and I'm late for work. It is supposed to be my day off but I have to work my best friend's shift because he called in sick with violent vomiting, horrendous diarrhea severe stomach cramps, excruciating migraines, a sore throat so painful he can't swallow, and a runny nose that can keep up with any Olympic sprinter. Why does everything have to happen to me? This is my day off! So I have to go, but first I have to wipe up some slobber that my bored dog left in my boot. I'll use his blanket since he got my blanket soaked with the snow and mud he tracked in last night with his frying-pan-sized paws. While I'm up I'll turn on the fan because late last night he stole my serving-for-six plate of re-fried beans while I was trying to fix the furnace before the pipes and toilet froze again. Normally he doesn't chew on my boots but he broke the squeaky part of his squeaky toy for the umpteenth time. I was going to buy him another squeaky toy after work but I had to work some overtime, and . . . well, it must have slipped my mind when I was changing a flat tire on my car during that blizzard I was caught in on my way home, which is about 14 miles out of town. I left the car running so the windows wouldn't frost up, and it would be toasty warm when I got back into it. It took me a long time to change that tire. I had to secure the plastic on the passenger side window so the hot air didn't leak out. Then I had trouble getting the trunk untied. After I found the lug-wrench buried under the garbage in the trunk I got to work on that tire. The lug-wrench didn't fit the nuts that well and I kept busting my frozen knuckles against the ice trying to get those lug nuts broke loose. I was getting so mad I was going to rip that tire off with my bare hands, but I had to calm down because a cop pulled over. I thought he stopped to help me out but that wasn't the case. Nevertheless, I still think he was a friendly sort of guy because he constantly had a smile on his face while writing me a ticket for that broken headlight. I finally got the lug nuts off and the spare tire on but my hands were so cold I could barely hold onto the lug nuts let alone get them screwed back onto the tire. At least one smart thing I did was leave the car running. I can't begin to tell you the contrast between how cold it was outside and how warm it was in the car. I must have spent 20 minutes thawing out my hands over the window defroster. I'm just so grateful I had a spare tire with which I could replace that flat so I could get 6 more miles out of town before I ran out of gas.

4. All I have to say is I'm not in a good mood this morning. I have to work on my day off; dog ate my dinner; had to fix the furnace again; had to change a flat in a blizzard; got a ticket; ran out of gas; had to clean slobber, and I forgot the squeaky toy. When it was all said and done I finally got to bed at 3:00AM. Pear-head was snoring so loudly that he shook the snow off the roof but it didn't bother me because I figured I could sleep in, and that is just what I was thinking to myself when I got the call at 5:00AM to go to work. If I look outside and see one more foot of snow, I'll break that snow shovel against the pine tree blocking my view of the junkyard across the street. And I guarantee ya---If I hear one more word about global warming I'll toss that TV so far from my trailer house it will be in the next county. Then we will see if it has as much snow on the screen outside and it did inside. Well, I gotta go to work, and when I get there I better not hear, "you're late."


Well, I hope you enjoyed my story. While I was writing it, I laughed so hard I got tears in my eyes. Most of this story was made up to bring some humor to my hubs, but some of it is true including Pear Head. What a wonderful dog he was. He would sleep with me every night but it was a single bed and Pear Head was huge, so I wound up on the floor while he had the bed. Finally I just put the mattress directly on the floor and the problem was solved.

He loved those squeaky toys, which I always called, "Piggy." Whenever I would say, "Where's Piggy?", Pear Head would go wild, going in circles, jumping up and down, and barking. I had a very strong post in my yard. I put a 2 by 6 perpendicular to it and reinforced it so it could take a lot of weight at the end. Then I would tie Piggy with a tough rope at the end of the 2 by 6, just high enough so Pear Head could jump and grab it in his mouth, but then he dangled in the air. He would not let go of Piggy. He would jerk it, growl at it, shake it, but not let go until tired. It was the funniest, cutest thing you could see.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Caleb DRC profile image

      Caleb DRC 4 years ago


      I know you are trying to tweak me . . . good try.

      I would have responded sooner but I'm not getting notified of all the comments. I just happen to find this one. I'll be answering the last comment on the DNA hub as soon as possible. Just busy.

    • profile image

      newenglandsun 4 years ago

      I heard dogs don't taste that good. I've never had one. You were talking about dogs on your front page and in this article.

      Maybe cats taste better? I don't know. Have you ever had a cat?

      Sorry if this sounds totally morbid. I'm not into animal cruelty or anything like that.

      I do support animal sacrifice if done humanely as well as PETA (people eating tasty animals).