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At The Moment

Updated on March 6, 2016

The Thoughts...

How does one start their life anew?

After being comfortable and complete,

Now, uneasy and empty...?

 

One must surely be strong,

Which at the moment,

I am not.

 

How does one change their train of thought?

After loving how they lived,

And living by their thoughts...?

 

One must have a grand outlook on life,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one forgive themselves for being so blinded?

After being sure that what they saw, was pure,

And honest, and loving in every way...?

 

One must believe that life goes on,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one learn to listen to oneself when in doubt?

After putting complete trust into something,

Just to have it slip right out of their hands...?

 

One must learn the difference,

Which at the moment,

I have not.

 

How does one convince themselves to keep moving?

After being stunned into one, dark, sorrowful place?

After the death of all they know...?

 

One must feel a need to continue,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one learn to know the truth?

After being lied to for so long,

And feeling as if the world has ceased to care anymore...?

 

One must not be confused,

Which at the moment,

I am.

 

How does one begin to feel life?

After there is no life left to live for,

And the habit refuses to go away...?

 

One must want a change,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one live with the regret of blindness?

After choosing blindness for so long,

And never believing what was being perceived...?

 

One must walk the path of uncertainty,

Which at the moment,

I am.

 

How does one learn when enough is enough?

When they aren't ready to give up,

And reality seems to be nothing more than a dream...?

 

One must want a finalization,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one convince another of a mistake?

When the other never listens,

And does what they want anyway...?

 

One must be sure it is a mistake,

Which at the moment,

I do not.

 

How does one know that another is honest?

When deceit seems to be the foundation,

And nothing seems to be the truth...?

 

One must look deeper for the truth,

Which at the moment,

I have tried...

 

How does one not lose their mind?

After being right about things for so long,

And now, there is no proof...?

 

One must seek out the truth, rather than dismiss it,

Which at the moment,

I do not know how...

 

How does one not go crazy?

After having gut-instincts and undesirable flashes,

And having yet nothing to go by...?

 

One must surely dig deeper for truth,

Which at the moment,

I can not...

 

Which...

At the moment,

I am lost.

I am saddened.

I am crazy and insane.

I am blamed for ignorance.

I am feeling unstable.

I am crying hysterically.

I am searching for the truth.

I am digging deeper.

I am making things worse for myself.

I am thinking obsessively.

I am not myself.

I am mad.

I feel like a fool.

And I cannot seem to stop...

 

Why?

Is this some sort of exaggeration from myself?

Should I be listening?

Should I act upon these feelings?

No, I have no proof.

I'll just be ridiculed for it without proof...

 

How does one not lose control...?

Comments

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    • profile image

      V.Skok 

      22 months ago

      I also have recently experienced a sorrowful loss.

      We all are taught the steps in recovery…. denial, lots of anger, sadness or depression and finally acceptance and at last peace.

      The state of denial last so long….but there is thankfully hope.

    • MamaDragonfly2677 profile imageAUTHOR

      Shannon 

      22 months ago from New York

      Larry you are a wise soul. :) I have experienced all of the above and have finally wiped the webs from my heart and began the acceptance. I didn't think it would ever happen, but it has, and even though I have had to let go of some things, the most important things, the memories, are still with me where they will always stay. Picking myself up from crawling for so long is most definitely a warriors way of wearing the scar in pride. Thank you for...being you.

    • maven101 profile image

      maven101 

      2 years ago from Northern Arizona

      Mama...Within your heart lies a moral certainty, an invincible reality that cannot be changed, removed, or denied...The world around you may change, some parts of it may even cease to be, but within your heart there lies a strength that overcomes all...That strength cannot be taken from you, indeed, it grows in power when challenged...We are all challenged with Life from time to time, and we are all given a choice of how we deal with it...We can choose to be overwhelmed or we can choose to face the challenges head on...That's where the invincible part comes in...Only if you ALLOW that invincibility to be corrupted will you be overwhelmed, powerless, and defeated...

      I speak from the experience of losing my beloved partner in life...First there was denial, then anger, followed by depression and finally acceptance...Through all of this I would not allow these emotions to overwhelm...Accept them, of course, but only in the knowledge that there will be a light at the end of that dark tunnel...

      I am your friend, and I know your poet's soul is invincible and will overcome...Allow those progressions of emotion to play out on your terms, and damn the tyranny of expectations...Go well, my friend...

    • maven101 profile image

      maven101 

      2 years ago from Northern Arizona

      Mama...Within your heart lies a moral certainty, an invincible reality that cannot be changed, removed, or denied...The world around you may change, some parts of it may even cease to be, but within your heart there lies a strength that overcomes all...That strength cannot be taken from you, indeed, it grows in power when challenged...We are all challenged with Life from time to time, and we are all given a choice of how we deal with it...We can choose to be overwhelmed or we can choose to face the challenges head on...That's where the invincible part comes in...Only if you ALLOW that invincibility to be corrupted will you be overwhelmed, powerless, and defeated...

      I speak from the experience of losing my beloved partner in life...First there was denial, then anger, followed by depression and finally acceptance...Through all of this I would not allow these emotions to overwhelm...Accept them, of course, but only in the knowledge that there will be a light at the end of that dark tunnel...

      I am your friend, and I know your poet's soul is invincible and will overcome...Allow those progressions of emotion to play out on your terms, and damn the tyranny of expectations...

    • MamaDragonfly2677 profile imageAUTHOR

      Shannon 

      7 years ago from New York

      When nothing else seems to matter...

    • ahorseback profile image

      ahorseback 

      8 years ago

      Baring our souls , is a journey from within itself, no? Quite compelling!

    • Moulik Mistry profile image

      Moulik Mistry 

      8 years ago from Burdwan, West Bengal, India

      This is touching, simply touching...

    • Watch Tower profile image

      Watch Tower 

      8 years ago from New Zealand

      A sad yet wonderful poem. You captured the feelings of hopelessness, of shock and sorrow

    • paul_gibsons profile image

      paul_gibsons 

      8 years ago from Gibsons, BC, Canada

      been there, done it and... or rather still am there. And wont give up. Unless forced to. It has its moments but also its rewards. So I keep working at it. Hope it works for you.

    • MamaDragonfly2677 profile imageAUTHOR

      Shannon 

      9 years ago from New York

      Thanks BAXTER! Never came out so smoothly before now... :)

    • baxter1984 profile image

      baxter1984 

      9 years ago from New York

      very touching.....

    • MamaDragonfly2677 profile imageAUTHOR

      Shannon 

      9 years ago from New York

      Thanks for the comment. Everyday thoughts, that is what it is...

    • Kushal Poddar profile image

      Kushal Poddar 

      9 years ago from Kolkata,India

      This is a cry, from inside and touching me, the reader.

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