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The Best Austin Powers Quotes

Updated on August 29, 2011

Allow myself to introduce... myself

What's not to love about a series that parodies genres brimming with savage sexual innuendos, high-tech gadgets and fantastically one-dimensional characters. The Austin Powers series, written and acted by the legend Mike Myers pokes fun at itself, and anything else which happens to lie in it's path.

I happened to enjoy many facets of the film, including the lavish, eye-rolling script. The sole purpose of this article is to collect and share some of my favorite Austin Powers quotes, feel free to add your favorites too (please use the comments section!).

Personal Favorite

I demand the sum... OF 1 MILLION DOLLARS

Doctor Evil

One of the only antagonists worth rooting for (who doesn't love Blofeld from James Bond?), Doctor Evil knows how to makes his presence felt with quirky one-liners and sheer randomness while remaining mysterious and quasi-evil.

  • "There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it."
  • "There's nothing as pathetic as an aging hipster." (something we can all agree with no doubt).
  • "You know, I have one simple request, and that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads!" (oh, yes!).

Beyond standalone quotes, what makes Dr. Evil so entertaining is the way he plays his humanity off of other people, who tend to have the tendency to make even him normal.

Dr. Evil: Don't worry, mama. Things won't get weird.
[They have sex]
Dr. Evil: It got weird, didn't it?
Frau Farbissina: Ya!

Personal Favorite

I've got more chins than a Chinese phonebook

Fat B*stard

What's scarier than a morbidly obese Scotsman? Clocking in at a metric tonne, Fat B*stard's enormous charisma is enough to spark a few giggles, even though I personally find some of his banter a little over-done. Nevertheless, some of my favorite quotes in the series are his.

  • "First things first: WHERE'S YOUR SH*TTER?! I've got a turtle head poking out!"
  • "Jesus Christ, this diaper's making my nuts rub together ... it's gonna start a FIRE!!"
  • Unfortunately, my neck does look like a vagina.
  • Ahhhhh! Ma titties!
  • ...I'm going to eat yer... I'm bigger than you are, I'm higher in the food chain... Get in my belly!

My Favorite

She's the village bicycle! Everybody's had a ride.

Austin Powers Quotes

The heart and soul of the series, despite not being my favorite. Powers is a living fossil of the decadent and slightly wild hippie-era, and seems to play towards satisfying as many stereotypes regarding (the negative ones) British stereotypes as possible. The irony of his irresistible sex appeal makes for a few shallow giggles.

  • Let me ask you a question, and be honest do I make you horny?
  • Allow myself to introduce... myself.
  • I can't believe Vanessa, my bride, my one true love, the woman who taught me the beauty of sharing your whole life with another, the person who taught me the meaning of love, was a Fembot. How will I ever go on? Wait a tic! That means I'm single! Oh, behave!
  • Mo-o-o-o-le.

Who is your favorite character in AP?

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