ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Autumn wind, fallen leaves and wind chime...

Updated on September 10, 2013

Autumn breeze and the wind chime

The autumn breezes made the wind chime sing a pleasant melody; a tune of their own design perhaps. A tune that doesn’t bring back any memories and only the somber tune hang oddly like a pregnant pause. To be honest, it had been like that for so long that she doesn’t really know when she actually noticed it.

The entire world has become so silent. So eerie. It’s so silent that she can imagine that perhaps she can hear the wind blowing the chimes of the houses nearer to him. She can almost smell the foreign place where the world is cold and dry, where the rich red ruddy fallen leaves from the maple tree announces the footsteps of fall. She can almost see the distant world where the wind doesn’t blow the dusty siroccos! He is away from her and it feels even further. Here in the City of Joy where the life can be felt on the pulses, she finds it easier to live at a slower pace. Her pace has become so slow that people have started to believe that she has perhaps fallen off of the planet's face.

Today is yet another similar morning. She woke like every other morning and started going through the steps of life. It is perhaps a routine which she has designed for her to befool the mass into believing that she is still alive! Her first breath comes at the same time. In the same way she greets the day. The same way she opens the window to let he warm sun in. In the same way she mutters the phrase – I still miss you – it’s a prayer perhaps. An insignificant but priceless requiem to whoever is listening. Merely existing like a shell of a person it doesn’t matter much what happens when she dies. What matters now is how long she has to suffer before the end arrives. The end of the loneliness. The end of this madness. Perhaps she believes that the end of the craving can either come in two ways – by waiting and waiting for the days or through her own hands.

It’s almost nine in the morning. She has been awake since the dawn broke slowly. So it feels much later. The day is always the same. She almost dragged herself out of the bed, dressed in the same way, made a cup of coffee and sat in front of her laptop.

This is perhaps the only remaining escapes from her reality. Writing is so freeing than explaining to the old therapist how she is feeling and why. She can’t tell the therapist why she is so lost, so afraid to live and perhaps so afraid to die as well. There is always something deeper than love, something closer than mere intimacy, something more concrete and more permanent, something more unattainable and unrecognizable till you attain it and yes they had that!

She sat there looking at the screen as it glows warmly at her face. Once again she read the saved chat logs. Yet again she relived those countless moments. For one last time she wanted to believe that everything is still the same. So desperately she wanted to believe that he is still there beside her with his hands stretched out to reach her the moment she fall, trip or slip. But alas it was only the autumn wind and the wind chime conspired and created a tune of the long lost song. And perhaps for the first time in so many years she cried. As the warm tears rolled down her cheeks it startled her as she almost believed in the fact that her eyes have become dry as the desert! Through her tears she discovered that the well of nothingness has deepened only and she has not healed as she has forced herself to believe.

For the very first time after so many years she felt the indomitable will of acting as a madman would. She stood up and slowly walked to the bathroom. A strange nausea almost engulfed her. She wanted to throw up whatever precious little she had the other night. Yes, she was sure that this was what she wanted to do. She needed to throw up. She needed to expel everything inside her. Everything….and every little thing!

The straight razor shone in the lightlessness of the small bathroom as it relinquished all inside of her. The blade was insanely cold, smooth and wickedly sharp across the tender flesh of her throat.

A flash of pain and then all is warm and tingling as she freed the mighty red river of life! The world slipped away as the black moths slowly took over her. And it is right then she heard his voice. The voice is so real. The sound grew closer and closer … Is that him or the wind chime! She closed her eyes as darkness consumed her !

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      gosh 

      4 years ago

      Goshhhhhhhhhh... dont u ever d this to yourself

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)