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By: Wayne Brown
I have never really cared much for bumper stickers. Not that I mind what they have written or displayed on them, I just don’t like the stickers cluttering up my car. So I usually get my enjoyment of them by reading those which are displayed on other people’s cars. I never saw the point of having it on my car because that is the one vehicle that I am unable to read it on while I am driving. So, you see, my logic makes sense.
Bumper stickers are a form of self-expression. In fact, short of a live presentation of the middle finger, the bumper sticker may be the ultimate form of self-expression. As much as I believe that, I just cannot bring myself to put one on my car. I find them to be like another form of self-expression, the tattoo. Both are very difficult to remove especially after you become more enlightened and don’t feel that way anymore.
Some folks take their bumper stickers really serious. They say things about the world coming to an end and how everybody but them is in deep kemshei or whatever that stuff is the Koreans have that smells so bad. Others strike fear in the hearts of the reader with warnings, “Caution: We Don’t Call 911” and displaying a big gun barrel pointed right at you, the reader! Some suggest that they might believe in something besides democracy with stickers that suggest, “Imagine…World Peace”. Then there are those who put stuff out there to make you want to run up to their car at the next traffic signal and call them a dumb-ass…things like…”Al Gore Was Robbed!” I must say, I simply prefer the ones with some good old dumb-down humor.
I came across some Internet sites listing some cute sayings that had been spotted on bumper stickers here and there about the world. Some of them were not too good so I passed on those. Maybe someone of superior intellect will enjoy them. For me, I am drawn to the dumb-downed ones that even I can understand. Here I some examples of the ones that I liked from some of the sites:
I may be fat, but you're ugly - and I can diet.
Egrets? I've had a few.
Learn Spanish! Jesus is coming.
Apathy: I could take it or leave it.
People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do.
You probably don't recognize me without the cape.
I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
I feel better after I wine a little.
I would rather hunt with Dick Cheney than drive with Ted Kennedy.
The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
Jesus loves you! Everybody else thinks you're a jerk.
I plan to live forever. So far, so good!
My drinking team has a bowling problem.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
I need someone real bad. Are you real bad?
Honk If you want to see my finger.
Honk if you've never seen a gun fired from a moving vehicle.
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Now, most of those made me giggle a bit so they were worth the time it took to read them. I thought this would be a good time to create some of my own bumper sticker slogans designed for fun and frolic. So here goes:
Ever wonder why the drive-up ATM has instructions in Braille?
Life is a messy…don’t get it on your shirt!
I hope you didn’t bring a knife to a gun fight!
Don’t tell my mama I play football for the Dallas Cowboys…she thinks I’m a piano-player in a whorehouse.
You shore got a pretty mouth!
If you can read this, the jerk behind me is driving too close!
I hope you didn’t shave your legs for this!
My kid is on good behavior down at the detention center!
The guy driving this car has a wife who doesn’t understand his needs. Can you help?
Obama could be working at 7-11…he knows how to make change!
Nancy Pelosi spends $21,000 in taxpayer money each time she flies home and she claims to be worried about your Social Security!
If it is so good for the American People, why is Congress exempt from it?
Want some foreplay…fly somewhere!
No, I didn’t vote for change but I could use some now!
With ObamaCare, you can get your rectal exam at the airport!
The President and 3000 people went to India on the taxpayer nickel and all they got was this t-shirt!
When did they change democracy?
If you can read this give some thought to the fact that I might be crazy.
I’m just drivin’ this minivan to keep women from following me home.
My other wife is dreamy!
Nuts! Yep, the kind that don’t come in a can!
Insanity is simply a perspective!
The Unemployed get it for 99 weeks…straight!
Talk about infrastructure investments…how much have the taxpayers spent on Nancy Pelosi?
I never understood why I didn’t become a psychiatrist!
Honk For The Hell of It!
Caution: Trunk Monkey On Board!
Well, there ya go! Those are just a few of the bumper stickers that I might create if I had my own bumper sticker business. It is the ultimate business to have in a democratic free speech society. At one time, that job belonged to the newspapers but they sold their souls somewhere back in the Roosevelt Era and began pedaling liberalism. Bumper stickers have no souls and you can only blame the guy displaying it thus the creator gets to walk! What could be better?
I know there are some really creative folks out there who could come up with some fantastic bumper stickers given the chance. Well, you day has come. Down below in the comments section just simply add one of your own. Of course, you need to wait until you have walked on the buttons here at the top first…you know, a gesture of kindness!
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